Monday, March 03, 2008

Laugh or Cry....Right or Wrong?

In an attempt to find the straw that broke the camel's back, I'm truly TRYING to find humor in every situation. In the end it makes us stronger right? It's all character building....BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then, in the next thought I have a little pitty party. A little whoa is me....why is this happening...why did THAT happen? Only to be followed up with a brief river of tears (I keep telling my husband that they make pregnant women drink more water because they cry ALL OF THE TIME), only to be summed up with a fit of laughter. Some call it hormones. Some call it craziness or maybe borderline bi-polar disorder. I just like to call it life, and right now I have WAY too much time to think about every aspect of it.

An example is the thought of sending Emma to Kindergarten next year. Are we doing the right thing? Who would know what the right thing is? Then there's the thought that the school district thinks they get to decide where MY child will attend school. Yes, all other children in our district (OH, that's right...only the one's that DON'T have special needs) get to choose the school they would like to attend. However, since my child was born exceptional in so many ways...which has also caused her to endure so much more than so many other children her age....but, YES please do tell ME where the "best" place for her to go to school would be. See, I teach Kindergarten at a rural school. I generally have 10 children or less in my class, and we have a full time special ed teacher in our school. Yes, Emma WILL attend the school where I teach. THAT is the best place for her. NO ONE else needs to decide this. However, as I anxiously wait for the school district to complete their observations and evaluations on my child my anxiety over the situation continues to rise. I continually work "my case" out in my head....getting ready for the "great debate" that will hopefully never have to take place. However, I have found that it is our job as parents to fight for every single thing that our child deserves. WHY??? Why do we constantly find ourselves jumping through hoops (that sometimes feel like they are on fire no less) for things that are obviously best for Miss Emma?

Then, we have Emma the Exorcist. Yes, it makes my child sound demonic. However, lately whenever it is time for bed our child turns into someone that I have never seen before. I swear that her head is going to start spinning around soon. I believe that I have already caught a glimpse of the red eyes glowing in the dark as she throws toys at me and yells NO at the top or her lungs. It's not a pretty phase, and I do hope that it passes quickly because it is STRESSING ME OUT!

Then, we have the insurance case worker who has to call once a month to check on "Emma's status". She somehow caught wind that I am on bedrest, so today she called to 20 question me.....about ME! I had to chuckle just a tad when asked, "Is there anything that is causing you stress right now". HA!!! Funny lady:).

Ahhh, this is so theraputic. I can just feel the stress melting away:). Next, we have my husband who continually is gone on business trips. Granted, he is generally just gone a couple of days a week, but dealing with everything right now is just a tich too much. Next week is the last time that he will travel out of town until after Baby Boy is born. Can I hear a HOOORAAHHHH!!

Some days it just feels like I have one nerve left.....and it's wearing pretty thin.

1 comment:

momtokayla said...

Hi Angie,

I am so happy to have found your blog. My name is Debbie and my daughter Kayla has BA too. She also has a genetic disorder. Kayla (AKA Munchk) just turned two on Feb. 13th. I don't suppose I could love her any more than I do today. Although I would reverse her medical and clinical diagnosis in a heartbeat, I wouldn't change her personality for anything.

I think your blog is just wonderful!!!! Actually, I have never read anyone's blog before but yours in particular was brought to my attention I am surprised to learn how much our daughters have in common and I share much of your struggle.

My sweet son Adam was born 10.5 months ago. Yes, he is perfectly healthy and doing very well. I still find it fascinating how easily he transitions from one skill to the next so naturally. With Kayla, every step of the way has required so much effort and repetition. That goes without saying that the reward for her progress is that much greater.

I'm sorry that you are bound to the couch for now. It seems like a lot of creativity has sprung forth from your stay there. Emma is truly precious and I hope that we can be in touch.

Feel Good,
Very Sincerely,