Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Crystal Ball

Wouldn't it be amazing to look into a crystal ball, and see just a tiny glimpse of our future? Or would that be so frightening that it would make us turn and run the other way? If I could see the future....would I change it? Would I change who I am destined to become? Would I dodge the obstacles that are ahead, and would I be happier if I did? These are the thoughts of a person, a mother, a mother of a special needs child, a mother of a special needs child who is expecting another miracle to be born into her family in 7 more months, a mother who is petrified of what the future will be, yet a mother who can look at the past and appreciate the obstacles that she has taken head on and made it, a mother who plans to continue to move ahead and see the future that is planned for her and enjoy every moment of it.

We have talked about having another child for the past 3 years (Emma is 4 now). We both have known that we wanted another one, and we've been reassured that what Emma has is not "genetic". That made the decision easier for both of us. Neither of us wanted Emma to be an only child, and she could learn so much from a sibling. We have been trying to get pregnant for a year, and I knew that when I got pregnant this time I would not be nervous. I was just going to enjoy pregnancy and know that the outcome would be wonderful. WELL, here I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant.....and I am scared out of my mind!!! I try not to be. I mean I love my child with all of my heart and soul, and I am so looking forward to a new life coming into our family, but the naiveness that I had when I was pregnant with Emma will never be returned. I feel like I have been robbed of that. Every little thing that doesn't feel right freaks me out. I know what CAN happen, and I just cannot let that go! I have tried different things, but my subconscious mind continues to go back to those first few weeks with our beautiful infant daughter and all of the things they continually told me were "not right" with her (I refuse to say that they are "wrong" because she is EXACTLY how SHE is supposed to be).

So, I've decided to come here more often and journal my thoughts. They may seem crazy and irrational at times, but I will get through this. In the end that Mother inside of me will see the future and all that it has to offer, and I will enjoy every moment of it.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Random thoughts....

So, I know that I have been bad about updating the Blog lately, but with things changing in our lives minute to is difficult to breath....let alone BLOG:). Many changes happening in our little household. About 4 weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant....we were overjoyed. About a week later I was told that it was probably a tubal pregnancy....we were so sad. About 4 days after that TA-DA....suddenly the pregnancy is the uterus....right where it is supposed to be. OK, so there was a surgery, the possibility of twins, and some other things thrown into that whole week, but PHEW! Am I ever glad that THAT is behind us.

I am now 7 weeks pregnant! We are thrilled beyond belief, and Emma is loving "giving the baby (my tummy) kisses". She is just adorable. I'm pretty sure that she has NO idea what is happening, but she came up with the kissing the belly idea on her own. It's very cute.

Emma started pre-school again last week, and on the first day only had to go to time out.....TWICE!!! Yep, I'm feeling like parent of the year! However, I'm so glad that they did that because Em is really in a button pushing stage, and if she thinks she can get away with it and you aren't going to do anything about it....WATCH OUT!!! So, they let her know who's in charge, and she's done awesome ever since:).

I know this is brief. I will post again soon! Just had to jot down the little "happenings" in our world:).