Thursday, October 26, 2006

I'll just say it

I'm just going to come right out and say it....while I'm feeling "brave" child has special needs. Just writing those words makes the tears jump right out of my eyes to flow down my cheeks. It's amazing! You'd think after 3 years of this my tear ducts would have dried up by now, but I can make my shirt go from dry to soaking wet on the top in 60 seconds flat. Yes, everyone knows that she has medical needs, but when will people figure out that she has "other needs" as well. OR, have they already figured it out...and they just don't say anything? It's amazing the havoc that it wreaks on my brain and my body day in and day out! I feel as if I have aged 20 years in the past 3 years. Yet, I love that girl just the way that she is. My fear is that the rest of the world may not accept her the way that I do....the way she deserves to be accepted. She has battled too much in her short little life to not be looked at with the highest regard! I will fight tooth and nail for that child....but, why should I have to....shouldn't that just be a given?

Just my random thoughts for the day:)

Friday, October 20, 2006

Which muppet would I be?????

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

Monday, October 16, 2006

My Child's Name is EMMA!

Yet another visit to the hospital...another surgery under our belts....and more doctors pushing for Emma to be seen by the genetic team. Guess what folks....WE ARE NOT DOING IT!! I don't need someone to tell me that she is not talking yet. We have had every organ in her body inspected. Truly, what would a genetic team tell us that we don't already know? Yes, they may give a "name" to what she has, but I want my child to be known as Emma....not some name to a syndrome! True, that may be a part of who she is, but that does not define my child....END OF STORY!!!

The snow that I was so excited about in my last post turned into my nightmare. Soon after I posted my last entry I had walked into the kitchen, then I heard Emma crying. She had fallen off of the couch. I picked her up and tried to comfort her. It was a cry like I have never heard before. She would not move her arm and she screamed bloody murder and said, "OWWWWW" (a new word for Miss Em) anytime I touched it. So, I took her to our local ER and found out it was broken. We sat for 4 hours while they decided what to do. After talking to Denver about our last "simple procedure" (the one where Em crashed on the table and ended up in ICU), the anesthesiologist decided that he wasn't comfortable doing the surgery (she needed 2 pins put in). So, at 5:30 in the evening we left for our long journey to Denver (a 9 hour drive). The "beautiful" snow turned into horrible road conditions. At one point we had to drive 30 MPH for 60 miles! UGH!

Well, 3 nights in the hospital and a purple cast later Miss Em is on the mend. This stay in the hospital has made my heart feel a little more raw. That is the only word that I can describe. When you think of a broken arm you think of a "normal" kid thing, but having a 9 hour drive with doctors mentioning genetics on top of it just makes you realize that people cannot just accept that this is our "normal" for our little girl. Everytime I think that my heart is healing....someone else stabs me. I accept her for who she is, and I expect everyone else to do the same. Is that so wrong????

Monday, October 09, 2006

Winter is here?

I know that it seems a little early...but, I woke up this morning, looked out the window, and saw the soft white blanket covering the Earth. I love the snow! It makes everything look so fresh and clean. The cold.....something that I am not ready for quite yet, BUT they do go hand in, bring it on:).

We got to go out and brave the snow early this morning. Emma had to get her blood drawn. She was SUCH a big girl! She didn't even cry! WOW! I never thought I would see the day. Of course, I had her pick out her sticker and the kind of sucker she wanted before the blood draw. The tricks of the trade of a Mom who has to hold her child down time and time again.

Enjoy winter where ever you are. Yes, I'm sure that even Lisa is enjoying "winter" in Florida...with her 85 degree days:).

Saturday, October 07, 2006

That euphoric feeling.....

Do you ever get the strange feeling that you are an outsider looking in? (No, I do not have multiple not call in the straight jacket). I went to Wal-Mart (sometimes I feel like I should just move my bed into that place). I went to get a prescription at the pharmacy....imagine that. All of a sudden Emma gets whisked off by the pharmacist to go behind the counter to see all of her "pharmacy buddies" many of us get to go back there? Then, 3 people start discussing Emma's hair saying things like, "I'll bet it's curly like that because_______, and I'll bet she gets the color from__________". Hello folks, how about if you just ASK HER MOM....who is OH YEAH standing RIGHT HERE!!! Hmmmmm?? Bizarre feeling!

Well, I get Emma back from her expedition and head to the front of the store. I chose the self check out. I get there to see an elderly lady looking curiously at the machine wondering, "where is the clerk". I explained to her that it is "self check out". She said, "Well, who checks you out". Guess who checked her out....Yes, it was me (I used to work at Wal-mart, right). Then, she wanted help with the money. So, I did that too. She said that I was an angel and she gave me a mint from her purse. As she was walking away she turned with a gleam in her eye and she said, "That child of yours smiles all the way through her eyes. Her heart is pure". Then she walked away?

Do you ever wonder why a certain chain of events happens all together? Do you ever wonder if you are just a pon on a gameboard? I know....the bizarre thoughts that go through my mind. Aren't you glad that you captured a glimpse of them tonight???

Thursday, October 05, 2006

1st day of preschool!

Well, we made it through the first day. The tears, and the drama......OK...they only came from me! LOL! Emma LOVED it! She was hugging all of her "friends" the minute they walked through the door (even though she had never met any of them). I honestly don't think she even noticed when we left. She had so much fun giving the dolls a bath and feeding them, playing with the cars on the race track, playing with the cars outside, having a snack, making a Chicka Chicka Boom Boom tree...whew! I thought she would fall down from exhaustion, but NO! She wouldn't even take a nap for me this afternoon!

It really was a great day all the way around. Tim and I dropped Emma off at school, then we went and did a presentation at the high school on organ donation. I felt really strong, but soon was moved to tears...and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop them (it was during an I-movie that I had made at the beginning. Luckily, by the end of the movie I had regained my composure, and we did a fantastic job (if I do say so myself...I mean it is definitely something that I feel confident talking about). We finished in time to have a nice lunch at a restaurant before we went to pick up Em. I felt like I was playing hookie from work (I guess I kind of was...I had taken a personal day).

When we went to pick Emma up she was still playing hard with her new friends. Ahhh, the innocence of children. They just see everyone as good. Isn't that the way it should be? What a wonderful day!

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