Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Today You're 5

Today is the day....my big girl (who is 33 lbs. and 37 1/2 inches tall) is 5 years old! Honesty is what I'm going to write today. I looked back at my blog this morning to see what Emma was doing at this time last year, and I think that I have always been very vague about Em's accomplishments (as a protection for myself). Now, I really wish that I had written about it because I KNOW that she has made leaps and bounds in the past year. SO, here goes.....Emma says so many words now. She will repeat any word that you give her (it may or may not sound the same). She puts together many 2 and 3 word phrases. "I go", "all done", I U Mommy" (ie...I love you mommy...makes a momma's heart proud), "no way", and many many many more. She can count to 10...although she ALWAYS leaves out 7. She loves the numbers 8, 9, and 10. We are working on identifying colors....but we're not there yet. She can match anything....the girl LOVES to match. She loves to play with Barbies and Hannah Montana:(! In the past year she had learned how to jump off of things and she's learned how to ride a tricycle (although she still doesn't LIKE to ride her tricycle). She can eat anything (except her allergens) and drink straight liquids (without thickener) without getting sick. Em loves to sing, and will try to sing every song that she hears.

Overall, Emma's come a long long ways. We still have a long way to go, but we are enjoying each new milestone that she makes. Life is good.

Monday, August 04, 2008

The Big 5!!!

Dear Little Missy Moo Emma Loo,
I cannot believe that tomorrow it will be 5 years since I first saw your beautiful face. I remember the first time that I saw your long black hair and heard your sweet little cry. I knew at that moment that you were mine and I would do everything in my power to always protect you. You were my sweet precious baby, and I loved you more than life.

That first year was tough. I saw you fight for your life so many times. You hung on and successfully made it over every hurdle with ease. You amazed all of us including the medical professionals. I saw you in pain so many times, and I cried for you wishing that I could take your place and make the bad times go away. We saw you transform from the very fragile caterpillar to an amazing strong butterfly. You found your wings, and you flew! Everywhere that you would go people would comment on your beauty. You knew how to work a room. Your personality just shone, and there was rarely a moment when you were not smiling.

Today, I look at you and I am in awe. Life is still challenging in so many ways, however you never let it get you down. You are the strongest person that I know. Your beauty and personality have become even larger than I ever imagined they could be. I look at you when you are telling me, "NO MOMMY!" and while it makes me frustrated that you don't want to listen to me....I always take a step back and appreciate the spunky little spitfire girl that you have become. You are my baby that they said would never walk....as you run from me laughing. You are my baby that they said would never talk, as you sing the song, "ONE DAY!" over and over and over and over.

Sing away sweet songbird. Your voice is the sweetest most wonderful sound that I have ever heard. Your mission in life is unknown, but you have already accomplished so much. Everyday I thank God that you have made it through all that you have. You are my angel sent from Heaven above to teach me and so many others about love and patience. Thank you for choosing me to be your Momma! I am one lucky lady.


Saturday, August 02, 2008

The Mind is a Scary Place

At times I worry that my mind cannot quite comprehend everything that happens in my world. I think that part of my mind is just my "tune out zone". When things get too complicated I just go to that place....and it makes me happy again. I find myself needing to do this a lot lately. There are so many big changes that are coming....and they are coming SOON! First, Emma will be 5...can you believe it??? 5 YEARS OLD!!! Where did all of the time go?? Second, Emma will be starting KINDERGARTEN! Yikes!! AND she will be IN MY CLASS. While an enormous part of me is so excited about this, and we did push for this to happen....a small part of me is scared out of my mind. Does that make me a bad parent?? Just the thought of it is making my mind go to its "happy place".

I know that Emma will be fine. It's me that I worry about. Not me as the teacher....she will be fine also. It's me as the Momma...who's heart literally gets ripped right out of my chest anytime that I see kids being mean to my little girl. Kids can be brutal! I know that I was probably brutal to kids who were different (meaning had special needs) when I was a kid, but I really wish that if I was mean I could turn back time and make it "all better" (Emma's favorite saying right now). I think that it will be difficult to try to explain to other students in my class why Emma is "different". I think it will be very difficult to seperate the teacher from the Momma in those situations. BUT, they will come and we will get through it. My mind will just go to the "happy place".

I find that since Emma was born I am much more outspoken than I ever was before. I have always been a fun and outgoing person. Now, I find that I am still me...with just a little more fire when it comes to certain subjects. Here is an example.....I frequent (many times daily) a website that has families of children with liver disease. I LOVE the people on the website and have made some wonderful friends who are on similar journeys. I have always felt that I am a big part of that website because Emma is the same as those children. I know that Emma has other issues, but I allow my mind to go to the "happy place", and I can make myself believe sometimes that liver disease is all that we are facing. However, TODAY one particular post hit me right in the heart! It made me feel like I had been knocked down on the floor and I was gasping for air. Really, it was a simple word that the mother wrote. Her child had just had a liver transplant yesterday and she was angry at a nurse. However, the one little word that she wrote made me lose a little respect for this mother, and it made me feel like she is one of the priviledged ones in the world.....a mother who does not have a child who is of lower intelligence. The mother wrote , "Does the nurse think I am a retard???". Yes, her child just had a transplant....I know that the mother is not "lucky". I know that she is hurting inside, and it was just a flippant comment. Before I had Emma the comment would have struck me as a little odd, but it would not have had the impact that it had on me today. It took everything in my not to PM her and tell her that it was inappropriate. But, #1 her child is very sick, and it would be very bad timing on my part. AND, #2 I know that it wasn't intended to be mean......my heart is just fragile.

So, today my mind will just go to my "happy place". Today I will count my blessings that my baby girl is almost 5 and will be going with me to kindergarten. Today I will be a happy momma who loves my girl no matter what.