Thursday, February 05, 2009
That's the only way that I can explain my feelings tonight. I am at odds with "the system"...and at the moment I HATE having a child with special needs. I love Em with all of my heart, but I want all of the "stuff" to go away. I just want to move my little family to a remote island and live happily ever after...never to be judged by anyone ever again. My heart hurts...my eyes hurt...my soul hurts. Some of my best friends are the people that I work with, but I feel like I am at odds with all of them because I have entered Emma into our school...and I have taken on a different role...one that I did not sign up for...but I am attempting to make the best of. DAMN IT!!! Why can't I just easily navigate through all of this? Why are there times that I feel such bitterness? It is the most difficult position that I have ever been in in my life. Tears flow as my heart aches for some sense of normalness.