What Was I Thinking?

I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that it was too much work...too much of a struggle. I was thinking that I was pregnant, and I was tired, and she fought me on it every morning. I was thinking that I had never been a fan of rats nests, and that's what it was 90% of the time.

Granted it has been over a year, but I found these pictures the other day and I really found myself asking WHAT WAS I THINKING??




The BEST Halloween costume ever...Pippi Longstocking:)


Then, it happened! I woke up one morning, and I made the decision to go ahead...and this was the result




Granted, the girls hair grows like wildfire, and we just cut another 3 inches off this Christmas (those pictures were from last Christmas), and she still DOES have some curl....but I don't think she will ever have that much curl again....and I miss it.

Seriously, when we didn't wash it the day of and put curl control product in it...she could've been mistaken for a miniature Bob Marley with the dread locks she had goin' on, but I do miss it:).

I never realized how long it really was!

Random thoughts

I was tagged on my Facebook page to list 25 random thoughts about myself. So, I thought I would post them here too. Here is a glimpse into my crazy mind:).


1) I have lived in Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, and Arizona...I would love to live by the ocean one day.

2) I dated the same person for 6 years...all through college...married him, and 6 months later he decided "that wasn't what he wanted".

3) I'm really glad that I had my "first marriage experience"...it's made me appreciate what I have.

4) My first pregnancy was completely uneventful...my first child was NOT. She has had many issues.

5) I'm really glad that I had my "first child experience"...it's made me appreciate all that I have...and I would not trade her for the world!

6) I absolutely HATE feet! I hate to see them, touch them, smell them, ewww!

7) Desperate Housewives is my favorite show. I also like the show Weeds.

8) My sister is on of my best friends. I work with her every day, and I feel so lucky! We haven't always gotten along. When we were younger, I drove her nuts! One time I shoved permanent wave solution up her nose (from a perm)...I'm really glad that I didn't blind her!

9) I'm not a morning person! I really can't stand my alarm clock...however, once I get up and start moving I become human very quickly.

10) I absolutely adore kindergarteners. The way they think intrigues me, and I try to soak in as much of their innocense as I can. If only we could all think that all people are good...and we could all get along! They just tell it like it is...and I LOVE That!

11) I was on a dance team in college. Those were some of the best years of my life. I made some wonderful friends during those years.

12) I worry continuously about the future...I always have. I think the birth of Emma has made this worry more fierce. Sometimes it really scares me.

13) My mother is not the person that raised me, and that makes me sad, but my sister has somewhat taken over that role of the person that I need to be there. I try to be there for her too.

14) I took my birth certificate to school for show and tell in 1st grade (Why did my parents let me?? Good question). When I was walking home it started to rain, so I used my birth certificate to cover my head. Everytime I see it now I laugh at all of the smears. It is hardly legible in some places.

15) I am addicted to blogs...I follow many many blogs, and most of them are about children that have issues. I am also addicted to my own blog, which very few people that "really know me" know about. I like the anonimity of writing knowing that the people that read it don't know me.

16) Last week I was driving down the road talking to my husband on the phone. I kept telling him that he was breaking up...he sounded like he was under water, then the phone died.....I went to hang up, and realized I was on my HOME PHONE!!!

17) I want to be really skinny, but I don't want to work to get that way. I want it to happen overnight:).

18) I know more about the liver than I EVER wanted to know!

19) I am part of an on-line liver support group:). I never dreamed that would be a part of my life. I get so excited when I hear that a child got "the call" for a transplant. I always tell my sister, and she asks, "Where do they live?". I never know...so I just say Cyberspace.

20) My husband (Tim) and I were partners on many projects through college, but we never liked each other. So, when we met years later at a Karyoke bar and sang "Summer Lovin" we knew it was meant to be!

21) My least favorite saying in the entire world is, "God only gives you as much as you can handle".

22) I am in my 9th year of teaching at a rural school. I teach Kdg. and 1st grade. I feel like my families at school are my own families.

23) The 2 months that we were in Denver for our daughters liver transplant are some of my best memories (some scary ones too). I never realized how wonderful people are, and how much people really do care.

24) When I retire I want to travel with Tim all around the world...on 2 teacher's salaries....a girl can dream, right?

25) Phew! This is almost finished! I wish that everyone in the world could take a turn having a child with special needs.

5 Years Later...Look at You NOW!

Five years ago, on this day life was throwing us for a loop. Nothing seemed to be going in the right direction, and we were stuck at a big stop sign in life. There would be no going any further until it was confirmed. We could not travel any further down the road until the phone rang and we received the news. We had been waiting since December 10th, and each day that clicked by was one more day that we would stay...stuck at the stop sign....looking for some sense of direction...some sense of hope.

On January 21st, 2004 we were notified that Emma was officially placed on the transplant list, and we were off again. We were traveling down the road. Sure it was a road with an unknown destination, but we were traveling...and we had hope. The silver lining was on the horizon, and we just had to keep moving to get there. It was tough to see our 5 month old daughter struggle so much. She became more and more jaundice every day. She wasn't able to keep food down. She required oxygen at all times. BUT, we had hope!

5 years ago, at this time, we were struggling. We questioned WHY? every single day. Why was this happening to our baby? I remember a time that Tim and I went out to dinner, and we discussed the "what if'...the ultimate..."what if she doesn't make it?". It was a very real possibility that loomed over us like a black storm cloud. It followed us as we continued on our journey....but, the rainbow was in sight. We knew that the storm cloud could easily be replaced by the rainbow, as we waited for the next leg of our journey....THE CALL...the one to tell us that our baby's new liver was ready. We waited...and we waited...

I look at Emma today, and I can't help but have tears of joy. The joy that I feel that she has made it through so much. She is a warrior princess! She is my hero! She is an amazing spirit! The truth is...she does not remember back to the time 5 years ago when her life was hanging by a thread. I'm glad that she doesn't remember it, but I'm also glad that I do. Thinking back to the difficult times pulls me through some days when life seems so difficult. Thinking back to the tough times makes me realize how much of a fighter Em truly is. She has overcome such incredible obstacles, and I look at her today and I smile. She is Emma...and I am proud!

Prayers???

Miss Em is sick...and I'm hoping that it's the flu. It's amazing where my mind goes sometimes...scary places that no mother should have to think about. It is "just" the flu, right? She was fine yesterday, she went to bed, she woke up at 2:00am throwing up with a 103 temp. She continued to throw up throughout the night...just small amounts each time. This morning when she threw up it was A LOT and it was brownish red....which led me to think of blood. I was ready to call 911 or jump in the car and drive like a bat out of he** to the hospital. My husband calmed me down. We have broken her temp...but she is very lethargic. She threw up again, a smaller amount this time, but still the odd color? ARRRGGHHH!! I hate this! I'm sure that it's nothing, but it freaks me out that it could be something.

Em's big debut

I DID IT!!! I figured out how to post video:). Now, I have better videos at home, but this is the one that I had on my computer. So, without further ado...here is Miss Em counting to 15...then 100:)!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Weight Loss Challenge 2009

It's that time of the year again...time to set the New Year's Resolution and THINK THIN!!! I got to skip that part last year, as I was enjoying every minute of watching my waist line increasing by the day. However, this year I am paying for it. I have 11 pounds to go to get to pre-pregnancy weight...and at least 21 to get to where I would like to be.

I am excited that I was finally able to buy regular underwear...I've been loving wearing the really cute maternity ones that I bought...but, let's face it...they're not the most flattering things in the universe. I was skeptical of buying any until I was SOMEWHERE close to my size.

I had a friend stop by the other day that had a baby 2 days after me. She lives in another town and we hadn't seen each other since right before our boys were born. Well, she gave me the motivation to think thin....she is skinny, skinny, skinny. She said that she hasn't weighed that weight since Middle school! Yea...I guess it's time for me to hop on the losing weight train!

OK, just had some fish sticks with the kids for lunch....do you think THAT will help me lose weight? UGH! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!

All By Myself

Ahhh, the silence....I'm enjoying it for the moment. However, after a little while I begin to miss the chaos that comes with being a mom of little kids. I just got done with a meeting, Em's still at school, Owen's still at daycare (nap time), and Tim has just left to go out of town. I am completely enjoying the time to sit on the couch all by myself for a few minutes and just breath.

Yes, I still have the thoughts that run through my mind. Is Em going to behave on the bus today as she makes the long trip to town? She is still struggling with hitting. I wish SO badly that I could figure out why she does it. It is such an impulsive act. I know that it's not meant to be mean or hurtful, but she just does it....I think before she even thinks about it. I struggle with it every day. Even though I know that she's not trying to be mean....it still doesn't make it right...and the other kids do not understand. SO frustrating!

I have the thought that both of my kids are on the verge of sickness. I took them both in for sinus infections yesterday, they are both on antibiotics. Owen has an ear infection and he's cutting 4 teeth all at the same time on top of it. It could be a REALLY long night! I hope not!

Tim is gone until Friday night. Although I do enjoy maybe a night to myself....I miss him so much after the first day. Also, Emma just cannot figure out where Daddy is. She walks around saying, "Where's Daddy...OH, at work" over and over....but never really grasps that he is gone. We are planning to do iChat while he is gone this time so that Em can see him and talk to him. We'll see if that helps or hinders her coping ability.

For now....I'm just enjoying breathing in...and breathing out. It's a very important thing for any parent to do...especially those of us that have an extraordinary child:).

Videos have been requested, and I am definitely working on it. I would love to share my Em with all of you! However, I am currently running into 2 obstacles. #1 when you get a camera in front of Miss Em...she clams up (so, I have to be sneaky) and #2 I'm not sure how to post videos, but that part I will definitely figure out.

My Little Helper

Oh how I love my sweet angel girl. She is such a fiesty little thing, but she can be the most loving creature on Earth at the same time. Lately, she is very determined to help her brother learn to be a "big kid". She is trying to teach him how to sign (too cute to watch her tell him "more...Owen, say MORE" while she's pushing her hands together...then she pushes his hands together. I never thought I would see the day that she would be teaching someone else sign language. It makes this mama's heart swell with pride.

Emma loves to help with Owen's bath. She likes to put his clothes in the dirty clothes because, "They are stinky". Then she will get his towel. Tonight, she asked, "Where do I put it?". I said, "On the counter". She said, "Oh, right on the counter". Then, the towel kept slipping off. She was a little frustrated and said, "Can't do it! Too hard!!!". She is just cracking me up. Her speech is just blossoming, and it is very spontaneous (before she was more echolalic...repeated everything). We've been back at school for 2 days and I've had so many comment on how much her speech has improved. It is so nice to hear others comment on her progress.

Now....Emma's having a few issues in the diarrea department and that is frustrating. I think her allergies are kicking into high gear...which worries me a little. It also worries me that diarrea causes medication to not absorb at well, and her immunosuppression needs to be absorbed. I continue to tell myself it is out of my hands. I just need to pray for the best. I've started her on a yogurt regimine along with Immodium. We'll see if it works....keep your fingers crossed.

Also, Em's had 2 days at school with no hitting, pushing, or pinching!!! That is a big deal in our house!! Keep up the great work Miss Em! You are our big girl!

Is It THAT Obvious?

We all went to Wal-Mart yesterday. Tim was spending a little too much time in sporting goods, so I decided to take Em and head over to beauty to get a few beauty products:). The strangest thing happened...a little unnerving? There were 4 young guys (late teens early 20's) that all ran back to the garden center. One of them saw us and came walking back. They were acting really strange. The one came back and said to me, "Excuse me...this may sound strange but is your name Cindy?". I said, "No". He said, "Oh, you just looked like a Cindy". I said, "No, not today", and I went on my way.

I got to the furthest cosmetic aisle and realized that he was following me (with one hand in his pocket)...and there was now no one else around. I grabbed Em's hand a little tighter as he came up and said, "OK, I know this is going to sound really strange, but I am here with my church group and we are looking for people to pray for and you looked like you could use some prayers. I was wondering if there was anything specific that you needed us to pray for. Are you having financial difficulties, marital problems, or anything else?". (I know that I am an extremist, but all I could think of was the girl during the Columbine shooting who said she believed in God and got shot.) I simply said, "No, we're doing just fine". He laughed a little and said, "Really, everything is good?". I said, "Yes" and walked away.

I quickly went and found Tim and told him about it. Of course we didn't see the guy again. However, it really bothered me when I got home. I mean at the time the guy just seemed creepy. However, what if they truly were with a church group....and what made me "look" like someone who needs prayers? Is it THAT obvious that I am a trainwreck? Really, I feel pretty put together. I mean, I have my moments, but overall I feel pretty good about where my life is.

So, I guess folks. I need you to pray for me....because, I may have just turned away the one sign from God that he was trying to tell me that I definitely need prayers?

Is it just me, or does the whole thing sound weird to you?

A Look Back at 2008

What a year it has been. A year of wonder, of unknowns, of joy, and of elation....overall a much needed wonderful year. The year began with a pregnancy. I was about 22 weeks pregnant at this time last year. I knew that I was having a boy, but was so nervous about his entrance into this world. I was anxious about his health, my health, and most importanly the impact that it would have on his big sister. I was hopeful for a bond between my two children that was beyond love...beyond the common bond between two individuals.

February was a month to remember. It was the month that I was placed on bedrest for an "indefinite" amount of time. I was having contractions every 2 minutes, and while I was not diatating contractions that close together are not healthy for a uterus that has scar tissue from a previous c-section. So, I laid on my couch and I waited, and waited and waited some more. I once again discovered the numerous friends that care, and I was priviledged to receive visits bi-weekly from my good friend and her brand new baby. This friend knew that her baby was what I needed more than anything else.....because a baby was my light at the end of the tunnel. Her baby girl, Cedar would sit on my tummy and Owen would kick her from within. Funny to see the two of them together now at daycare...stealing each others pacifiers while they laugh and "talk" to each other.

March was the month of a transplant memory. 4 years ago we embarked on a journey to a new life for our infant daughter. It has been a life full of hope and memories, and we will forever be grateful for that.

April was the month of our prince's birth. Our healthy baby boy who has created that bond that I so desperately hoped he would have with his sister. According to her...he's HER baby, and I think that he would agree everytime that he giggles right along with her.

The rest of the months have kind of blended together, but it has been a blend of sweet mixed with more sweet. There has been no bitter blended into this year. It was the year that Emma started Kindergarten, and Mama's tears fell down her cheeks as she watched her tiny bud blossom into the most beautiful and delicate flower ever to be found.

It was the year of Owen's first Christmas, and the first Christmas that Emma would share with her sibling. Sweet memories added to an amazing journey.

Our journey continues into 2009. We hope to create more sweet memories this year. It is already proving to be a joyful one. I hope yours is too.

Our self proclamed Hannah Montana (do you like the outfit that she's chosen? She's our little fashionista)


Little man:)

Happy New Year!

Happy 2009! Wow! I can't believe that it is 2009 already. 2008 was a great one....and it went out with a bang!

Let's just say that my husband is pretty sure that I have been dying my hair...because I really should have been blonde. I'm not sure if it's still just pregnancy brain or what, but I'm hoping that my memory comes back soon. I'll give you just one brief example of what I'm talking about.....so, we went shopping the other day. We went to the new Kohl's store. Well, my husband decided to stay in the car with the kids, so I went in to shop and I was trying to hurry. I finished shopping and came out of the store to see him driving away!!! Well, we were in a city 2 hours away from our house...and I had forgotten my cell phone at home (won't be doing that again). I was pretty ticked, but thought that maybe he just thought that I'd be longer and he would run a brief errand. So, I went back in and did more shopping:). I would come out every 15 minutes to see if he was back yet, and I would get more and more angry each time. I had been doing this for about an hour when I walked out, stood there with my enormous bag over my shoulder (retail therapy for the anger I was building for my husband, right?), when an elderly lady came out and asked if I had misplaced my car too. I said, "No, my husband dropped me off and he should be back any minute". She then said, "You know....I don't think I parked my car on this side". WWWHHHAAAATTT? You mean there are 2 entrances to Kohl's?? I quickly walked all the way around the store, out the door, and there was my husband waiting in the exact spot that I left him....he had never left it must have been someone else:). He was very nice about it...just shook his head and repeatedly said, "Are you sure you're not really blonde?".

OK....on to our kids. The reason that 2009 came in with a bang.....2:30 am Emma wakes up throwing up.....and exploding out the other end at the same time. She threw up for 2 hours straight! CRAZY!!! Then, she woke up this morning....feeling absolutely FINE...and with a ton of energy...that her mama does not have right now:). However, I am glad that she's feeling better.

Here is a picture recap of Christmas...sorry it's long:).
Christmas Eve cuties


Handsome young man (sweet potatoes on his face and all:)


Christmas jammies


A Christmas jammie model in the making


That's the present that I want:)


Christmas day cuties (neither of them was in the picture taking mood)


Handsome little man


Have a safe new year!