Don't Say That!!!

Funny little story here....I was in the shower with Emma the other day. She has a water bottle that she likes to play with after she is all clean. I let her sit on the floor of the shower and I fill the bottle with cold water. She thinks it is just HILARIOUS to spray the cold water on my feet. So, as a little speech therapy, I always make her ask, "More water please Mommy". Well, she has been able to say that for awhile. SO, the other day I decided to have her say, "I want more water please mommy". She did it.....AWESOME!! (that's a 6 word sentence....can I hear a YA HOOOOO!!). So, she said it once, I gave her cold water, and she sprayed it all over my feet while laughing hysterically! Then, she handed me the water bottle and said, "More water please mommy". I said, "no, say I want more water please mommy". She looked at me, rolled her eyes and said, "DON'T SAY THAT MOMMY". I had to laugh and aplaud her for her talking! Even though it was sassy...it was GREAT! You go little girl! Momma loves to hear you talk:).

Making progress

Since my last post I have made some progress. For me and my emotional outlook...it is always two steps forward and one step back. However, I figure as long as it is still 2 steps forward I am making progress, right? I'm not sure that I will ever be 100% OK with the fact that Emma's not "normal"(I'm more than OK with Emma....just not the circumstances), and I guess that is OK. It's difficult when you dream about your child your entire life, you get pregnant and the whole 9 months you plan their future, and in the blink of an eye everything that you had planned changes. It's not necessarily bad that it changes. It's just difficult to wrap your mind around your entire future looking different than you had ever dreamed.

It's almost like I have 2 personalities these days.

There's the one personality who obviously loves Emma no matter what (actually BOTH personalities feel that way), but this personality is just the go with the flow type of gal who can take whatever comes and make the very best of it. Yes, this personality knows that I'm going to be OK no matter what. I can take it, and I'm going to be strong through it all.

THEN, there is personality number two that doesn't know how I'm EVER going to do this. This personality is angry and bitter. This personality wants to spit in the face of anyone that has never had to deal with accepting that their child will never be "normal"...those who look down their nose at me because their lives are "normal".

Yesterday a mom of one of my students was talking to me (she has 3 children...all of them "typical). She said to me, "I think God choses those who can handle having a child with special needs". While I do believe a part of this is true.....What is the deciding factor on this? What did I ever do to make me "worthy" and not this mother that said this to me?

Yes, I am proud of my Emma. She is my world. She makes everyone smile and realize that life IS good. It's just that a little tiny piece of my heart aches when the children in her class ask why she doesn't talk like they do...or she pushes someone (because she's trying to get their attention) and the other child sees it as Emma being mean. It's times like that that I have to ask WHY??

It's like I told this mom...."I truly believe that every parent should have to experience having a special needs child for a few years and then it is someone elses turn". They do teach you so so much that I think everyone should be given the same opportunities. At the same time I think that all parents of children with special needs should have the experience of living a "normal" life with their children.

Ahhhh, what changes there would be if I was in charge of the world.

Today...Breath...Get through Today

Why is it that some days are like this? Today I saw a little girl doing cartwheels while her mom was trying to get her into the car. I saw her and all I could think was, "That's supposed to be my little girl....why why why???". Just when you think that you won't ever ask "why?" again. Just when you think you are comfortable with life and where your child is....it hits you like a ton of bricks. Damn it!!! It's just not fair! Yes, I am so very thankful that she is alive! I am so thankful that she is who she is and that she shines sunshine into very dark places, but sometimes I just have to ask WHY!!!

I listen to the children in my class talk about Emma. They are so sweet saying, "Emma is just very little" or "she is young". While I am so happy that the others are so accepting...I just wish....oh how I wish!!

Yes, I am having my own pity party! I am....I am entitled. It won't last forever...but, it is what it is.

Here's a little picture of my 2 to brighten this post:). Enjoy!

Where does the time go??

I honestly can't believe that September is here...and our weather feels like Christmas is just around the corner. I wouldn't be surprised at all if I woke up to snow in the morning?? CRAZY!

Well, here are some pictures of a few things that have happened in our household lately....

We had Owen baptized in August. We have many pictures, but this is BY FAR my favorite:)


Then, Emma started Kindergarten! I can't believe it, but my baby girl is in big kid school! She absolutely LOVES it. They are long days for her, but she is doing GREAT! She says her favorite thing so far is the FREEZE song:). It's so fun to be able to watch her interact with the other kids. She is a peanut with a giant personality:).


Then, here is a picture of Big Boy Owen. He is growing so fast. It is fun to watch him:). He is now almost 14 lbs. He is rolling both ways, and can he ever carry on a conversation with himself:). He is loving daycare:).


Enjoying fall...wouldn't mind a little more summer, but we'll take what we can get:).