I have been home with Emma for the last few days. Our babysitter's children have been sick, and it is very difficult to find someone else to watch Miss Em. So, I am glad to take on the job. However, does it make me a bad person to say that I don't think that I could do this every day? I truly value those mother's that do stay at home...I think it is wonderful. When I stay at home with Emma too much I just find myself getting more and more frustrated...with her, with our situation, with the world, with EVERYTHING!! I find myself just letting her watch T.V. (before I was a Mom...I said, "I would never let my child watch TV too much......I said never to many things....before I was a mom). Maybe if I was a stay at home mom I would go out and do more in the community? When I am just home "sick" with her (although she is not sick....a teacher cannot be seen out in public on a school day). I feel that teaching is the best job to have if you have to work as a mom. I get long vacations, and I get off at a decent time. However, I feel the pressure from those around me who tell me, "just stay at home with her". Well, #1 I CAN"T stay home....my husband is also a teacher, and one income is not enough to support us! and #2 I don't think that I would value my child as much if I was home with her ALL of the time. Is that a bad thing? Probably! Is it bad to think about having another child....and not planning to stay at home with that one either? Is someone else truly raising my child? I look forward to the day that Emma can come to school with me and be in my classroom. I know that if I give my job up it would be very difficult to get another teaching job in this district, and I truly have my dream job. I have a classroom of 10 children, and I love the people that I work with. Then, there is always the fear that creeps in that my babysitter may move or say she doesn't want to watch Miss Em anymore....THEN what do I do.
See, staying at home just makes me think too much! I think about the future and all of the "what if's"....it's not healthy!!