Friday, June 23, 2006

WHY GOD WHY?????

The words that I was yelling as I cleaned up vomit from Miss Em's tray right after she had just finished eating her entire lunch! Now, I guess this is a step in the right direction for me because this is the first time that I have even spoken to "THE MAN UPSTAIRS" for quite some time. I know....turn your troubles to God....well, I have tried that and it didn't work. I would like to know exactly why He keeps dishing out the bad stuff to my kid!!! Mentally I just cannot go back to the puking all of the time thing, and believe me....that is where we are headed AGAIN! Every single day this week Emma has puked. I can't do it. I have no Calgon....what is a Mom to do????

If your reading this and want to give me some inspirational words about God....please don't! I am just angry right now. I am angry that my child had a liver disease. I am angry that my child had to have a liver transplant and will be on medication for that for the rest of her life. I am angry that the nieve parenting that I am supposed to be experiencing has been robbed from me. I am angry that my child still is not speaking. I am angry that my child cannot eat like a "normal" child. I am angry that my child is allergic to so many things. I AM JUST FLAT OUT ANGRY!!!!!

Hah!! We just got a call that Emma was exposed to chicken pox last night! Now we are on the hunt for some nasty shot that she has to have to lessen the chances of a major outbreak (because chicken pox in a child that has had a transplant can be a very very bad thing....and NO she cannot have the vaccine for it because it is a live vaccine that can also be harmful to her)... oh goody! SOMETHING ELSE TO BE ANGRY ABOUT!

Sorry....I know....it's a very negative post....but, these are my true feelings for the day:).

4 comments:

don'teventry said...

I have to tell you that 5 years ago this month, Cameron Jade was 11 months old and only had an hour to live when I got to the hospital. She had had a liver transplant almost 24 hours before, and her little body was rejecting it. I was a drug addict begging God to save her, I would kick the habit if He did. She didn't live. I didn't quit.

LCRsMom said...

Angie,
Your anger is totally justified and you have every right to vent it. If you kept it in at every waking moment, you wouldn't be able to concentrate or be who you are to Emma when you aren't feeling down about her life. It isn't fair, it isn't easy to understand and darn it - Emma deserves better! Even God understands your anger. He knew you could do this though, that's why he gave you Emma! Don't forget that when you're feeling down. You are NOT ALONE at all in this and your are supported for your feelings!

Anonymous said...

Angie,
I feel the same way you do and maybe some day we will understand..untill then..I'm angry too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Christi mommy to Caden
www.caringbridge.org/visit/cadenthompson

DDM said...

I have days like that too. A LOT. I don't want to know all about how I was chosen because I could handle it on my worst days. It just makes me more angry. I'm so glad you got it OUT! That's part of the reason why I started blogging. ((HUGS))