Is it typical to feel the darkness looming over your shoulder every day....to never feel that you don't have anything to worry about? I am beginning to think that it is very typical. Yes, I have a child with on-going medical issues, and I find myself continually going to her room at night to hear the sweet sound of her breathing. I cringe at every sneeze wondering if it could be "the one" to send us back to "Club West Park Hospital" (our "spa" of choice). I take her temperature at least 2 times a day...just to make sure that the germy creatures are keeping at bay. I KNOW that the darkness looms. It follows me everyday and everywhere that I go.
However, in my thoughts lately I have been trying to understand the darkness that others may have looming. Every person that we encounter day to day does have some darkness that looms. The rude cashier at Wal-Mart....maybe her boyfriend is abusing her and she has nowhere to turn. The mother that yells at her child in public without even thinking about the child's feeling....maybe she lost her job. The worried face of the person that you pass on the street....maybe she just found out that her child needs her tonsils removed. NOW, this last one used to really annoy me. It's just her tonsils lady...it's not like it's an organ transplant. After some serious thought I have come to the realization that what a person is going through at the time could be the BIGGEST thing they have EVER gone through....and that is HUGE!! A parent that has never had a child in the hospital would be overwhelmed at the thought of having tonsils removed.
Miss Em and I went to lunch with a friend the other day. I had already fed Emma before we left home, but she wanted some goldfish crackers. I had forgotten her bib, but I figured that she would be fine. Well, guess what!! She was not fine! Somehow that goldfish found a way to make Emma gag, and you guessed it, up it came. Of course she coughed first, and being the experienced puke master momma that I am I knew what was coming. So, I put on my official puke master mama cape and flew into the rescue!!! I swept her out of the highchair, flew past the people staring at me, and ALMOST made it to the bathroom. With just a little puke on the floor I managed to get most of it into the sink in the bathroom (and NONE on Em or myself!!!...now tell me that some "amateur" parent could pull that one off:). I realized as I came out of the bathroom that yes some people might have been staring, but you know what I DIDN'T CARE!!! All I thought was, "They just need to live a day in the life". Then I realized that maybe I should live a day in the life of anyone that I judge throughout the day also! Really, there is no such thing as an "easy life". Everyone has their own challenges, but the rewards that I get from my "challenging life" are.... the beautiful voice of Miss Emma saying, "Mamama" anytime she gets hurt (because only Mom can fix it), getting to have unlimited kisses from the most fascinating child that I have ever seen, and being allowed to be the mother to one of the most extraordinary creatures that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
The darkness does loom, but the light that I continue to walk in will be my reward.