Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Love/Hate Relationship

I am experiencing a Love/Hate relationship with my life.

Things that I love: 1) I love love love to be a Mom 2) I love my little angel with all of my heart and soul 3) I love being a wife...even though my husband and I don't always see eye to eye...It is great having someone to come home to, and someone to share everything about life. 4)I love my job (as crazy as that sounds...I have the best job that anyone could ask for...I have 9 5 and 6 year olds that love me and think that everything I say "just has to be right"! 5) I love the place that I live...it is beautiful, mountainous, varying seasons, etc.

Yes, I do have SO much to be thankful for and to love...so why do I have this hate feeling inside??

Things that I hate: 1) I hate that my child has to go through so much! 2) I hate that we are in the hospital. 3) I hate not having all of the answers 4) I hate not knowing what the future will be (I know that no one does, but when you have a "medically fragile" child I think that fear in compounded) 5) I hate not being able to lead a "normal" life 6) I hate it when people feel sorry for my situation....when they express it to me it makes me cry...I feel even more pathetic...then they feel even more sorry for me...it is a losing battle.

Yes, my life is different! That commercial that says "Everything changes when you have a baby" WHEW!! They weren't kidding! Would I trade it if it meant not having Emma in my life....NOT IN A MILLION YEARS...I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THAT PRECIOUS CHILD OF MINE!!!


DDM said...

One of the hardest things, when people mean well, is reacting politely to the things they say in their effort. I don't want people to feel sorry for me either. Sometimes I just need to vent about how hard things are. I get where you are coming from.

Becca - Natalie's mommy said...

We're thinking of you and praying for Miss Em. I hope that things get better soon.

Stacy - Tanner's mom said...

Hey Angie -

When Tanner was first diagnosed and very sick, we had a therapist who would tell us how bad she felt for us and how she cried for us every day. I couldn't stand it - I felt bad enough for myself without her sympathy!

Things are supposed to be better post-transplant - but, they still suck. It sucks having to worry about the guy who just sneezed on your child or try to remember whether or not you gave them their anti-rejection med...

But, I have a child who smiles, a child who laughs and gigles, a little boy who gives the best hugs ever.

I hope you get some answers in Denver!

Patyrish said...

Sometimes I can't read your blog because it just sends chills through me and reminds me of things we have gone through in the past. Your thoughts mirror so many of mine....I read here and find myself nodding my head, crying and laughing with you.

hang in there!

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