Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I'm Tired

Can I just take a little break from seeing a silver lining on everything that I write about on here. I just need an outlet for a little while and maybe...just maybe it will make me feel a little bit better.

Can I just say that I am TIRED.

I am tired of CONTINUALLY having to advocate for anything and everything that my child needs.

I am tired or worrying about the future....or if there will be a future for Emma.

I am tired of her hitting and kicking and pushing and me not being able to understand WHY?????

I am tired of other children omitting her from games because she isn't always "nice" (see the previous).

I am tired of not being able to explain her behaviors.

I am tired a person who works with her who DOES.NOT.LIKE.HER....and it becomes more and more obvious every day.

I am tired of educators that I can already see placing a "ceiling" on her learning capabilities.

I am tired of not having Emma be invited over to friend's houses for play dates.

I am tired of daily medications.

I am tired of Emma not being able to name her colors....no matter how much I work with her on them.

I am tired of being on an anti-depressant to deal with my depression...and still feeling depressed.

OK...there is A LOT more that I am tired of....but right now I am just tired and I need to go to bed so I can start a new day that will HOPEFULLY not be as tiring!!

Still thankful....just VERY tired!

8 comments:

Brandi said...

I hear you in every aspect. I see that you are grateful and thankful and don't doubt that you love her with every ounce in your body. This road is hard, long, and tiring.

I know that having my own daughter in my school would not work for me in so many ways. I understand why you do and I understand how tiring that must make you to not be able to step away from it all for a few hours a day.

My thoughts are with you. I pray seasons change for you quickly and that you can get some rest. You are an incredible mom fighting for your daughter's everything, it's a tiring job.

Angelica mom to JesusRTS said...

I couldnt have put it better than Brandi! I hear you 2, and i hope that it all gets better=)

Michelle said...

Oh, Dear, I am just about to write a similar post. I've been out of the blog world for a while. But still am praying. Thinking of you.

Kristi said...

I am thinking of you.. Sometimes things just suck and there is no better way to put it..

Kristi said...

And also I love your blog because you are "real" and not afraid to say there are bad days and they are not always happy ones..

trina said...

hi, i'm a sister in law to one of your readers and i came across your blog on her blog. hope you dont mind me just saying that you sound like an amazing mom with an AMAZING little girl! thank you for sharing your thoughts!! wishing you all the best for you and your family!

Kelly said...

I get it...we all get it! I am so glad we have each other!

Kelly W.

Cindy said...

Here's a hug. We're all there with you.