The differences

I hope that both of my children read this one day. I hope that they know that the differences between their first years of life are like apples and oranges....like night and day. I hope they know that there is absolutely no way to compare the two experiences. Yet, I also hope they know that I wouldn't change either experience...or the order in which they happened. I love both of them with all of my heart and soul....and I truly hope that they always know that.

The first year with Emma was like a whirlwind. I was thrown into headfirst....and I had to wait until it stopped spinning to be able to balance again and see what was ahead. We had many people helping us through the first year, and I will never be able to thank those people enough. We were told many times by the doctors that they were not sure she was going to live, yet she did...and everytime she made me so much stronger. Before Emma I never knew how strong I could be. I also never knew I would be so knowledgeable! I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about the liver, allergies, how speech develops, and how children learn to crawl, walk, etc. Also, I know so much about the progression of eating. Yes, each stage has taken Emma a bit longer to progress through, but I have learned so much during each stage. I am constantly amazed...not only by Emma....but also by myself and how much I have grown by learning from her. That first year was incredible, and now that I can look back and see the outcome, I am SO glad that I was chosen to be Emma's mom and travel the journey with her. She has been my teacher, and I've been a pretty good student I must say.

The first year with Owen so far (we're only 1/2 way there) has been peaceful. He has taught me how to breath again, and he has helped me to find a part of me that was hiding. My husband used to call me "a leaf" because I would just float through life and go with the flow. Owen has helped me to find part of that person again. He is a very calm baby, and he helps me to be calm too. He has given me the gift of experiencing life as a mother to a typical child...which most people know nothing else. Owen has helped me to realize that most babies learn to do things on their own, without the aid of therapists and interventions. I have connected with other mothers of children the same age, and I have enjoyed it. He has helped to balance me. The uptight mother has been balanced with the laid back mother to create a once again very happy person.

Both of my children have made me who I am today. I would not change a thing about either one of them because that would change who I am, and today....I'm pretty happy with who I am.