This evening I ran into an old friend. This man retired last year at a fairly early age. He was a hard worker all of his life, and like all of us, he looked forward to retirement. So, he retired at the early age of 61....only to have a massive stroke the very next day! Today was the first time that I have seen him since the day before he retired, and as I walked away from our conversation tears streamed down my face. I had asked him how he was. His reply, "I feel as if I have died. I feel like a turtle that is on his back. I cannot flip over, and no one can help me....but, at least I can finally walk again". An entire year after his stroke and he is finally able to walk.
I found myself wondering "WHY"? Why was this path chosen for this man who was so full of life?
I drove home and found my husband talking to our new neighbor. He had his little boy with him. Emma was SO excited to see a little friend at our house. She chased him up and down the driveway...then he chased her. It was so much fun to see her little face light up. Then, his Mom came over to join us. He ran up to her and said, "Mom, this is my friend"! My heart nearly burst to hear someone else call my little Emma his "friend". Emma's friend is an entire year younger than Emma.
Wow! So great that Em has a friend, but I do hope that one day she can tell me (with words) that he is her friend too.
Interesting, the neighbor Mother was in awe as I told her Emma's story. She said over and over, "I don't know how you got through it". HMMMM? That's a question that I have asked myself. I truly do not believe that it was ME going through everything. I know that sounds odd...and NO I do not have multiple personalities (I don't think). However, whenever Emma has gone through anything BIG I have just felt like I was standing outside of it all watching. Afterward the emotions are definitely within me...but I am numb to it. It is not until MUCH later that the reality hits. At THAT point I have to deal with it. So, at the time where everyone else thinks that all is well again....Emma's Mom is going through HER emotional crisis. Yes, that is the way it works with me. But, I put on the "happy" face, and pretend that I am just doing great! How do I get through it??? Any way that I can! This is the ONLY child that I have....this is ALL that I have ever known as a parent....and all that I do know is that if I do not have to "go through it anymore" then I know that I am going to be "going through something MUCH worse" because my child would no longer be here.
Yes, these are my random thoughts for the day. Ultimately, I guess that we are all a bunch of turtles. Sometimes we do land on our backs. Sometimes others help to turn us back over, and sometimes you just stay there on your back for a while thinking...."OH CRAP...why is this happening to me?".....hopefully we will ALL walk again:).