I honestly cannot believe that August is here. I am just not ready, but no one asked me if I was ready or not. Here are some of my thoughts about August:
1) We have been married for 5 years this Friday! Some days it feels like 15 years. Is that a bad thing?? We have just been through SO much that it does not feel like it has "only" been 5 years. In many ways we are so very strong, but in other ways there is so much room for growth. I guess that is true for any marriage. I can still say that I am so lucky to have my husband, and I feel fortunate to be on this journey through life with him....has it REALLY only been 5 years???
2) My sweet baby girl will be 3 years old this Saturday! Some days it feels like she should be 15 years old also....but some days it feels like it has only been 15 months. It is such a weird feeling when your child has been through so much. I feel like we missed out on alot of the sweet cuddling times that are bittersweet for a first time parent. A new parent shouldn't have to make life decisions about their child within the first 2 months of life. BUT, that is our journey, and I wouldn't trade my little angel for anything!
3) I think I have finally reached the cliff in my journey (does that sound like a bad place to be?....it's not at all). I feel like I have been running through trees since Emma was born. I have been running and running and running and trying to find the answers. Then I have hit boulders that I have tried to move to make my life "better". I have fallen into large holes which I thought I would never be able to dig myself out of. Through all of this...the shadows from the trees have hung over me and I was having a difficult time seeing the beauty. However, I think I have finally come to the cliff. The sun is shining, all shadows are gone, and I see my life ahead of me. My life with a beautiful little girl who is the sunshine of my world. And I LOVE HER FOR WHO SHE IS....I am no longer trying to make her someone that she is not. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am enjoying my summer with her SO much!
4) UGH!! School starts SOON! While Emma is so excited to go back to "Miss Joline" (her babysitter)...I am not ready to take her!!! I know that she will be in EXCELLENT care, BUT it will NOT BE ME! I know that if a Mom has to work....teaching is one of the best occupations of choice, BUT....I don't want to go back! I will adjust. I always do....and I am not sure I could be a 100% stay at home mom, so I completely enjoy being one for 3 months every year!
5) Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts! We are excited about Emma's party on Saturday. Wait till you see the cake pictures. We'll see if I can top last year's Elmo cake:). It was pretty impressive....so, we'll see!
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The cliff....I know it well. The best feeling of accomplishment in this journey with a special needs child, is the feeling you get when you no longer feel like you have to change them. That you love them for exactly who they are at exactly every moment of their life.
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