Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Difficult Situation

The perfect placement for my Em has turned into a difficult time in my life. We worked hard to get Emma placed at the school where I teach. I teach in a rural school. We only have 27 kids grade Kdg. through 5th, and it truly is a wonderful place. The kids at our school are like family to each other. Sure they bicker from time to time....but they also look out for each other, and that was the main reason that I wanted Emma to come to our school....that, and one of my good friends is the special ed teacher and I have always thought her to be one of the best. However, there are so many issues right now that just do not feel right....and it puts me in such an awkward situation. Why are there NO BREAKS when you are the parent of a child with special needs? Why do I always feel like I am walking straight up a mountain and conquering every single obstacle along the way. I am proud of where I have come from, and I am amazed that I have conquered the obstacles that I have....but, I need a break...I need some time to breath and I need some moments where I do not need to worry. I KNOW that those moments have been there and they will be there again....but, right now I feel like I am drowning. I feel so helpless, and I HATE to not feel like I am in control.


Cindy said...

Hugs Angie. I really respect your particular challenges because you not only teach your daughter at home, you also teach your daughter at school. You don't get the "break" from her that the rest of us get.

Finding the right placement IS a huge challenge...and maybe what was right for her in the past was RIGHT then but isn't right for her future. We have no way of knowing the future when we make decisions, but we make the best decisions we can for the time...and we all know we can always change them if something (our instinct, another person, our child) convinces us we should.

I think you're doing a wonderful job. You do need a break. I pray you get one very soon.

rhonda said...

Hugs and prayers to you...

Terri H-E said...

Bummer, Angie. We, too are in the thick of something that doesn't seem anywhere near the verge of improvement. It's the feeling of trying, trying, trying and not being able to have an impact(though placement is not the issue for us). I claimed my own situation as a failure today and a dear friend told me it's not mine to claim, that there are some things that we cannot control and then we have to know when to cut bait.

I have a knot in my stomach for us both, for our same-age girls who deserve better than they are getting. I've taken a step towards change that scares me, but I can't just let it go as it is.

I am as close to there with you as it gets.