Every now and then something happens in life that is a big AHA! 3 1/2 years ago I was living in a dark dark place. I have felt like I have missed out on so much with Emma. For everything that she has learned, and the personality she has acquired...there has always been a shadow still glooming over me. It's sad, I know. I have told myself over and over again that she is growing up so fast....I need to enjoy this time. Honestly, I have tried my hardest, but in the back corners of my mind I always have the fear of the unknown. The future honestly still scares the crap out of me. However, the last month or so I have been seeing sunshine every day and I know that it is going to be OK. Emma has already changed the world....and there is so much work left for her to do. She is amazing, and even if she never is able to fully verbally communicate (which I know that she will)...she IS going to be OK (and you know what...I am too!).
The last month I have enjoyed every single minute. I have just made myself realize that she is who she is, and I no longer think about the "what if's". That is my secret. Now, if you are reading this and you have a completely neuro-typical child it may perplex you as to why it has taken this crazy woman 3 1/2 years to finally embrace her beautiful little girl. Until you have walked in the shoes of another person it is difficult to judge the steps they have taken in their journey. My child is and always has been my world. I would do anything for her. I just feel like I am able to be a more complete mother to her now.....now that I have seen the light.
Here is just a glimpse into the wonder of my child....and one of the many reasons that I know she is going to be "OK" in this crazy world:
Today, as Em and I were driving to school in the snow on a very gray day. My little ray of sunshine in the backseat made me smile:). The song Beautiful by James Blunt was on the radio. Emma (who has limited speech) started calling "Mama mama mama". I looked at her in the rearview mirror and she said "Emma" and signed the word beautiful. As tears filled a proud mama's eyes I said, "Yes, you are sweetheart".
These are the moments that make it all worthwhile:). Thanks for letting me share my small victory....that meant the world to me:).
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7 comments:
How precious! YOU instilled that in her! She knows she is beautiful because you have always known it too. I'm glad the future is no longer going to be a worry for you. It's hard to live in the right now...but such a great thing to do. HUGS
That is a wonderful, joyful story. Yay for Emma, but also for you, too.
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