Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Difficult Situation
The perfect placement for my Em has turned into a difficult time in my life. We worked hard to get Emma placed at the school where I teach. I teach in a rural school. We only have 27 kids grade Kdg. through 5th, and it truly is a wonderful place. The kids at our school are like family to each other. Sure they bicker from time to time....but they also look out for each other, and that was the main reason that I wanted Emma to come to our school....that, and one of my good friends is the special ed teacher and I have always thought her to be one of the best. However, there are so many issues right now that just do not feel right....and it puts me in such an awkward situation. Why are there NO BREAKS when you are the parent of a child with special needs? Why do I always feel like I am walking straight up a mountain and conquering every single obstacle along the way. I am proud of where I have come from, and I am amazed that I have conquered the obstacles that I have....but, I need a break...I need some time to breath and I need some moments where I do not need to worry. I KNOW that those moments have been there and they will be there again....but, right now I feel like I am drowning. I feel so helpless, and I HATE to not feel like I am in control.
Monday, November 09, 2009
12 LONG days to go
"Only" 12 days until we take flight on the adventure of a lifetime. Yes, we have been planning this crusade for more than 6 months....so 12 days should seem like a walk in the park, right??? WWWRRROOONNNNGGGG!! The closer it gets...the closer Emma thinks it should be:). So, we made a paper chain to show her how many days we have until we leave to see Minnie Mouse...you know...so she can visualize it to SEE how many days there are until we leave. Well, tonight she came up with the brilliant idea (really it was quite savvy) that we can just, "Cut off all of those papers and we can leave tomorrow". Yep, what do you do with that one?
I am really enjoying watching videos about different characters on YouTube with Emma. Emma has always been petrified of anything that has a mask....and Santa Claus??? She is extremely excited about seeing Minnie Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, etc. But, I wonder when she sees them if she will freak? So, I am doing everything I can (hence the dressing them up as Mickey and Minnie for Halloween) to get her used to seeing the characters including size, costumes, etc. I really hope that it eases her anxiety because there will be many masked characters as we travel through the different parks.
OK, maybe I'm having a hard time about thinking about 12 more days too! For some reason I had it in my mind that we were leaving THIS Saturday. Do you think if I just cut those extra chains off of the paper chain that those days will melt away?? I don't think I'll try it though because I truly think that I NEED the visual also:).
I am really enjoying watching videos about different characters on YouTube with Emma. Emma has always been petrified of anything that has a mask....and Santa Claus??? She is extremely excited about seeing Minnie Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, etc. But, I wonder when she sees them if she will freak? So, I am doing everything I can (hence the dressing them up as Mickey and Minnie for Halloween) to get her used to seeing the characters including size, costumes, etc. I really hope that it eases her anxiety because there will be many masked characters as we travel through the different parks.
OK, maybe I'm having a hard time about thinking about 12 more days too! For some reason I had it in my mind that we were leaving THIS Saturday. Do you think if I just cut those extra chains off of the paper chain that those days will melt away?? I don't think I'll try it though because I truly think that I NEED the visual also:).
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Does it make me a bad mom?
Tonight....I got "the look"...you know the one...the look where other parents look at you like, "I would NEVER do that". I wanted to just yell, "Never say never!!!" and stick my tongue out at them:). That would be the mature way to handle it, right?
OK, here's the scenario...and I want your honest opinions on this. So, Tim had to work late tonight, and we got home later than usual. I was bound and determined to work out, so I did. Then I remembered that we had to pick up Emmas $850 (UGH!) medicine before 6:00. So, I got both kids in the car and I decided that I really wanted Subway for dinner. So, I drove to Subway and I parked right outside the window. I could clearly see my children (who were safely buckled in...and have not figured out how to get out), and I ran into Subway to order my sandwich. There was only one person in front of me. As it became my turn I looked out the window to see a car park next to mine. A couple gets out of the car, and they get their child (single child with 2 parents) out of the car. Then, they both look into my car to see my children and the mom shakes her head. They came into Subway and gave me "the look". Then, I noticed that the lady was pregnant. As I walked past the couple on my way out I just smiled at both of them and thought.....You just wait!
What do you think??? Bad mom??? It's OK tell me the truth...I have thick skin (wink wink).
OK, here's the scenario...and I want your honest opinions on this. So, Tim had to work late tonight, and we got home later than usual. I was bound and determined to work out, so I did. Then I remembered that we had to pick up Emmas $850 (UGH!) medicine before 6:00. So, I got both kids in the car and I decided that I really wanted Subway for dinner. So, I drove to Subway and I parked right outside the window. I could clearly see my children (who were safely buckled in...and have not figured out how to get out), and I ran into Subway to order my sandwich. There was only one person in front of me. As it became my turn I looked out the window to see a car park next to mine. A couple gets out of the car, and they get their child (single child with 2 parents) out of the car. Then, they both look into my car to see my children and the mom shakes her head. They came into Subway and gave me "the look". Then, I noticed that the lady was pregnant. As I walked past the couple on my way out I just smiled at both of them and thought.....You just wait!
What do you think??? Bad mom??? It's OK tell me the truth...I have thick skin (wink wink).
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Marvelous...or Mortified???
Look at this sweet face....then, listen to this story....
When you are a parent, and you are told that your child will never speak you brace yourself. You mourn the future that you saw for your child, and you begin to reconstruct a new plan, a new path to travel to help your child in every way. You work, you cheer at each milestone, you shed many tears, and finally a tiny light is in the distance. The words begin to come, and you feel victorious. You have been your child's best cheerleader and biggest fan. Now, you see the voice coming to life and you are so incredibly proud.
Then, it happens.....the words that you have only spoken once (in a very heated argument with your husband because you VERY rarely curse) pop out of that sweet child's mouth.
The other day Emma was going out to recess and someone came by and popped the ball out of her hand, and she yelled at them...are you ready for this....."THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!" (Oh yes, she did....and remember that I'm the teacher too). So, I talked about how that is not appropriate. That night her dad talked to her about how we don't ever say those words because they are not nice words.
So, the next day we got home from school and Emma climbed up into her dad's lap. She looked up into his eyes and said, "I was a good girl at school today Daddy". He said, "That's very good Emma". She said, "I didn't even say any bad words". He said, "That is very good Emma. I'm proud of you". Then, she gives him the sweetest smile, and in her cute little voice said, "I didn't even say Bullshit Daddy". OY!!! What do you do with that?
So, the battle from within....I said that I would always be happy no matter what she said. or how much she said....as long as she would talk. I would never EVER take anything for granted. So, yes I am the mom who thinks my child is marvelous...even if she DOES say Bullshit, yet I am also the Mom (and teacher) who is mortified that my child said BULLSHIT!!
When you are a parent, and you are told that your child will never speak you brace yourself. You mourn the future that you saw for your child, and you begin to reconstruct a new plan, a new path to travel to help your child in every way. You work, you cheer at each milestone, you shed many tears, and finally a tiny light is in the distance. The words begin to come, and you feel victorious. You have been your child's best cheerleader and biggest fan. Now, you see the voice coming to life and you are so incredibly proud.
Then, it happens.....the words that you have only spoken once (in a very heated argument with your husband because you VERY rarely curse) pop out of that sweet child's mouth.
The other day Emma was going out to recess and someone came by and popped the ball out of her hand, and she yelled at them...are you ready for this....."THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!" (Oh yes, she did....and remember that I'm the teacher too). So, I talked about how that is not appropriate. That night her dad talked to her about how we don't ever say those words because they are not nice words.
So, the next day we got home from school and Emma climbed up into her dad's lap. She looked up into his eyes and said, "I was a good girl at school today Daddy". He said, "That's very good Emma". She said, "I didn't even say any bad words". He said, "That is very good Emma. I'm proud of you". Then, she gives him the sweetest smile, and in her cute little voice said, "I didn't even say Bullshit Daddy". OY!!! What do you do with that?
So, the battle from within....I said that I would always be happy no matter what she said. or how much she said....as long as she would talk. I would never EVER take anything for granted. So, yes I am the mom who thinks my child is marvelous...even if she DOES say Bullshit, yet I am also the Mom (and teacher) who is mortified that my child said BULLSHIT!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
18 months
Dear Owen
Wow! I can't believe that it has been 18 months since your grand entrance into this world! What a blessing your arrival was, and you continue to bless our lives every day. You are becoming such an independent little toddler. It is so much fun to see you exploring your world. Here are some of the things that you are doing:
*You love to listen to music and dance...your current favorite is Backwards by Rascal Flats...as Miss Donna (daycare) says, "You've got the rhythm...you just haven't quite found it yet".
*You love to take things apart, but become really frustrated when they won't go back together.
*You really love sleeping with your mom and dad. You've only come to our bed 2 nights, but last night (the 3rd night) I decided you needed to stay in your own bed all night...and you cried for 6 HOURS!!! Who needs sleep, right? Tonight (so far) you have gone to sleep like a champ.
*Usually your bed time is 7:30 and you sleep until 6....much better sleep schedule for your mama:).
*You love waiting for your daddy to come home so you can help him with things around the house. You are quite the fix it man.
*You are saying so many words. You add a new one every day, and I am amazed at your enunciation. Your current favorites are Dora (the dog at daycare), doggy, mommy, daddy, Memmy (Emma), Uh-oh, look, see, there go (there you go), hi, bye-bye, dee doo (thank you), night night.
*You love to run away from me when you have something that you are not supposed to have (and laugh and laugh while doing it)....like the remote control from the TV.
*You often throw various things into the garbage (my cell phone, the remote, numerous toys, etc.).
*Dirt is your best friend...mixed with water is even better.
*We cannot forget the number one thing that you love to do....torment your sister....and she loves to do it right back. I enjoy watching the two of you interact and grow together.
Yes, life is wonderful! We are enjoying you to pieces little man. You and your sister have completed our little family, and we couldn't be more happy.
Love to you on your 18 month birthday,
Mama
Wow! I can't believe that it has been 18 months since your grand entrance into this world! What a blessing your arrival was, and you continue to bless our lives every day. You are becoming such an independent little toddler. It is so much fun to see you exploring your world. Here are some of the things that you are doing:
*You love to listen to music and dance...your current favorite is Backwards by Rascal Flats...as Miss Donna (daycare) says, "You've got the rhythm...you just haven't quite found it yet".
*You love to take things apart, but become really frustrated when they won't go back together.
*You really love sleeping with your mom and dad. You've only come to our bed 2 nights, but last night (the 3rd night) I decided you needed to stay in your own bed all night...and you cried for 6 HOURS!!! Who needs sleep, right? Tonight (so far) you have gone to sleep like a champ.
*Usually your bed time is 7:30 and you sleep until 6....much better sleep schedule for your mama:).
*You love waiting for your daddy to come home so you can help him with things around the house. You are quite the fix it man.
*You are saying so many words. You add a new one every day, and I am amazed at your enunciation. Your current favorites are Dora (the dog at daycare), doggy, mommy, daddy, Memmy (Emma), Uh-oh, look, see, there go (there you go), hi, bye-bye, dee doo (thank you), night night.
*You love to run away from me when you have something that you are not supposed to have (and laugh and laugh while doing it)....like the remote control from the TV.
*You often throw various things into the garbage (my cell phone, the remote, numerous toys, etc.).
*Dirt is your best friend...mixed with water is even better.
*We cannot forget the number one thing that you love to do....torment your sister....and she loves to do it right back. I enjoy watching the two of you interact and grow together.
Yes, life is wonderful! We are enjoying you to pieces little man. You and your sister have completed our little family, and we couldn't be more happy.
Love to you on your 18 month birthday,
Mama
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Changes of Fall
Fall is upon us and that means many changes. As I look out my window I see brown with a touch of green around the edges. This is usually one of my favorite times of the year, with all of the beautiful colors of fall. However, this year we had a major cold spell (10 degrees F. for 8 days) that made our fall colors non-existent. We are now back to fall-like weather...without the colors of fall. It is a little unsettling in reality.
We've also had some unforeseen changes in Emma's health. It seems just when we think that we've got her little immune system figured out we're hit with another whammy. Sometimes it just seems like I'm waiting for what is to come next. I had finally moved beyond that feeling when I received the phone call from our transplant coordinator saying that her numbers are off again, and we would need to start monthly infusions (4-5 hours each time) for 4-6 months. I have to say that it came as a bit of a blow, but I have regained my ability to see things optimistically and this is just another bump in the road. I know things are going to work out just fine. Emma is a fighter, and I wish that I had half of her strength...I really do:). So, here we sit today with Em hooked up to an IV and watching the Little Mermaid. Fingernail painting, beaded necklace making, and smelly stickering to come:). Let the fun times begin:)
Our excitement is mounting with the approaching Make-A-Wish trip that Emma (and all of us) have been looking forward to since May. We will leave on November 21st for Disney World and return on November 28th. We are all very excited! Emma and Owen will be Mickey and Minnie Mouse for Halloween:). Pictures will be coming.
When we first were contacted by Make-A-Wish we were very hesitant about having Emma accept a wish. However, after much thought and consideration we decided that Emma absolutely deserves this. She is going to have the time of her life. And, while she is not terminal right now....and hopefully will have many many many more years of happiness.....her health is more fragile than the average child. She endures countless blood draws, medications, and hospitalizations....more than most of us as adults have undergone. Therefore, we do feel that she deserves some time to just be a kid....in the greatest place on Earth. I am looking forward to seeing the sights through her eyes and watching the magic ignite.
Here are a few pictures of Em and Ow playing in our crunchy brown leaves:) (the pictures are having trouble). We are enjoying the fall weather....even though we do not have the fall colors. We hope that you are also enjoying your fall.
We've also had some unforeseen changes in Emma's health. It seems just when we think that we've got her little immune system figured out we're hit with another whammy. Sometimes it just seems like I'm waiting for what is to come next. I had finally moved beyond that feeling when I received the phone call from our transplant coordinator saying that her numbers are off again, and we would need to start monthly infusions (4-5 hours each time) for 4-6 months. I have to say that it came as a bit of a blow, but I have regained my ability to see things optimistically and this is just another bump in the road. I know things are going to work out just fine. Emma is a fighter, and I wish that I had half of her strength...I really do:). So, here we sit today with Em hooked up to an IV and watching the Little Mermaid. Fingernail painting, beaded necklace making, and smelly stickering to come:). Let the fun times begin:)
Our excitement is mounting with the approaching Make-A-Wish trip that Emma (and all of us) have been looking forward to since May. We will leave on November 21st for Disney World and return on November 28th. We are all very excited! Emma and Owen will be Mickey and Minnie Mouse for Halloween:). Pictures will be coming.
When we first were contacted by Make-A-Wish we were very hesitant about having Emma accept a wish. However, after much thought and consideration we decided that Emma absolutely deserves this. She is going to have the time of her life. And, while she is not terminal right now....and hopefully will have many many many more years of happiness.....her health is more fragile than the average child. She endures countless blood draws, medications, and hospitalizations....more than most of us as adults have undergone. Therefore, we do feel that she deserves some time to just be a kid....in the greatest place on Earth. I am looking forward to seeing the sights through her eyes and watching the magic ignite.
Here are a few pictures of Em and Ow playing in our crunchy brown leaves:) (the pictures are having trouble). We are enjoying the fall weather....even though we do not have the fall colors. We hope that you are also enjoying your fall.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Best Summer Weekend EVER!!
Just to give you a little glimpse into our fabulous weekend....here are a few pictures. We went to a campground about 100 miles from home. Our campsite had a creek running RIGHT behind it....and the kids LOVED it! It was about 90 degrees and perfect weather for splashing about in FREEZING cold water (why is it that kids tolerate it so much better than us? They watched Daddy fish, we saw a spectacular waterfall, made smores, and just enjoyed our little family. Life is good!!
I had the greatest A-HA moment while we were camping. Em jumped off of a log and shouted, "Yeah Baby!". It just sparked my memory that last year at this exact time...her PT was THRILLED that he got her to say that....because it was a 2 word utterance. Up until that time she was only saying single words. It is amazing because now I can carry on full conversations with the girl...and I LOVE every minute of it. Yes, she does ask the same questions over and over and over at times.....I don't mind one bit! I just cherish every word.
The beauty from the weather and our surroundings just added to the beauty of the days. Life is good...and we are loving it!
I had the greatest A-HA moment while we were camping. Em jumped off of a log and shouted, "Yeah Baby!". It just sparked my memory that last year at this exact time...her PT was THRILLED that he got her to say that....because it was a 2 word utterance. Up until that time she was only saying single words. It is amazing because now I can carry on full conversations with the girl...and I LOVE every minute of it. Yes, she does ask the same questions over and over and over at times.....I don't mind one bit! I just cherish every word.
The beauty from the weather and our surroundings just added to the beauty of the days. Life is good...and we are loving it!
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