My Babies Are Getting Bigger

Here's a picture of my "babies". I cannot believe that Owen will be 11 months old in 4 more days! Incredible!!! I don't know why blogger has cut off part of my picture??? This picture was taken before we went out to dinner on Emma's transplant birthday. We went to her favorite place ever....PIA HUT (otherwise known as Pizza Hut). It was a great night:).

Miss Sassypants

Well, I finally heard someone say it....and I knew that I was going to leap across the room in full ninja karate style fashion...but, I didn't. I kept my cool and bit my tongue as someone said the other day, "It makes you wish that she never learned how to talk, huh?". WHAT!?!?!? Granted, Miss Em is definitely SASSY lately, but I always said that I would NEVER wish that she would be quiet if she ever did talk....let alone wish that she'd never learned how to talk!!! GRRRRR!!! Yes, if it was someone who did not know her well it would be one thing, but this person knows her VERY WELL! Although, I know it was meant as a joke, it did sting just a bit.

Here are some of Miss Sassypants favorite sayings,

"OK FINE!!!!"

"WHATEVER!!!"

"I DON'T WANT TO"

When told that it's time for bed she says, "Let's wait 5 more minutes....I'm a big girl now".

When told it's time to get ready for school she says, "Not today....today I am sick".



Although I never show her my smiling face when she is saying these things....inside it does make me smile. She just has such flare when she says them. She knows the exact context to say them in....and she has the proper inflection every time. She just makes me laugh.

5 AMAZING years

Today is a day of reflection for me. It's a day of mixed emotions. Five years ago today was the day that we had been waiting for....58 days to be exact. Emma had been active on the transplant list for 58 days, and I knew that the call for a new liver must come soon. Our 7 month old daughter was losing her energy, and she was sleeping 20 out of every 24 hours. She did not want to eat...and when she did eat she would vomit EVERYTHING that had entered her stomach. I was so scared of what our future had in store. I just could not see a happy end to the story.

Then....the phone rang! I know that I've told this story before, however in my day of reflection I feel that I must share again. That morning 5 years ago I had dropped Emma off with her babysitter. I told the babysitter that Em had very small amounts of blood in her stool that morning, and if ANYTHING were to change to call me immediately. I knew that she was in good hands, but as I drove away tears filled my eyes as a part of me thought, "Today needs to be the day". I arrived at school, and got all of my students prepared to get back on the bus to go skiing. In the winter our entire school would go skiing every Friday. I loaded my students on the bus, and decided to follow in my car....I just knew that something was not right...and I was going to be going back.

When I arrived at the ski resort, a child walked up to me and told me that they had been looking for me because I had a phone call. I yelled (quite loudly) "OH CRAP!!" (yep, that won me the kdg. teacher of the year award) I ran up the stairs and was told to call my husband. When I called Tim's school I was told that he had already left. I said, "Where did he go?". The secretary....in complete Awe said, "Angie....they called and said that they have a liver for Emma". I immediately hung up the phone, and the tears fell and fell and fell. My sister walked with me to the car as I repeated over and over, "I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE". However, once I got to the car I did not cry again....not until 10 days after transplant when she became EXTREMELY sick.

We went and picked Em up and flew to Denver to start our new life. There are so many moments of that day that are etched in my mind for eternity. One that stands out is the nurse that transported the liver to us. He had tears in his eyes when he saw Emma....we found out later it was his first organ procurement....and he had helped remove the organs and had talked to the donor family too.....what an amazing experience, but it would be SO difficult too.

We have found out that Emma's donor was skiing for her first time on that day. She was with her church youth group. She fell and hit her head. There is not a day that goes by that I do not pray for her family. We would not have Emma here today if they had not made the decision to donate Claire's organs that day.

Today, I reflect. I remember the excitement of the day...yet, I also remember the heartache that I felt for our donor family. I remember the peace that I felt as I handed my 7 month old daughter to a complete stranger...knowing that this was her ONLY chance at a life! I remember the joy when I got to hold her in my arms again, and the elation of knowing that the toughest part of the journey was behind us.

Today, I look at Emma and I reflect on the past, but I know how fortunate I am to also be able to plan our future. Emma's future looks incredible to me, and I feel so fortunate that she will also be a part of MY future!

Today is not the end of the story....but we sure are HAPPY!!!

The Real Deal

This IS the real deal.....the deal that is called life in our house. We have 2 amazing kids. Both of them are adorable, smart, funny, and can be crazy. They both have feelings, and they are both OUR children. My husband and I have a fierce love for them....just like most parents have.

Here is the deal...I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Some of you may have insight to this "secret" because you also live it day in and day out...but here it goes...are you ready?? We have just as much of a sense of protectiveness and unconditional love for Emma as we do for Owen. Her special needs are really a part of who she is, but she has the same respect from us that her brother does...and that love and respect will continue throughout their lives.

My heart tells me that everyone looks at my children in the same way. They are both unique creations...created perfectly...exactly the way that they were intended to be. My problem is that my head tells me that everyone does not look at my children with the same amount of dignity. I feel that when certain people are around Emma she makes them uncomfortable, and that makes me sad. When those individuals cannot step outside of the box and see the beauty that encompasses her far surpasses any unusual actions that she might display....I feel that injustice has been done. The Mama in me wants to lash out at the person that is glaring at her for her atypical actions, instead I go about my usual routine with a burning inside of me that doesn't know what to do.

If you know of a parent of a child of special needs, and you are looking for ways to help them...here are some ideas that I would like to share with you:
1) Look at my child when you are talking to her

2) Attempt to understand my child's actions (I know that Emma is going through a stage where she hits and pushes...if I had a magic medication to take away that one thing that Emma does....I would pay a lot of money for it. However, there is NOT a "magic cure", I AM disciplining her, but I also know that she is TRYING to tell me something and I'm having a tough time figuring it out.) So, instead of looking down your nose at me and my child...how about if you try to help me understand and TRY not to make me feel like my child is just being "A BRAT" by displaying actions that you do not feel are age appropriate!

3) If my child seems out of hand please do not glare at her or give me the look that says I should take care of her. Until you have had 5 years with her...every day trying desperately to "figure her out" you have no idea what I am going through or what I need to do with her. Just understand that she is having a moment and I am dealing with it. It will get better, but I do not want to be made to feel that my parenting styles are insufficient or that you have all of the answers. Trust me when I say that you don't:).

I know that these "suggestions" may sound whiney, and I am only one of many parents that have a child with special needs. I understand that we don't all feel the same way. But, this is the way that I AM feeling. So, I guess what I am asking is if you are someone who deals with me and Emma....please think about the things you say about her. She IS my child, and I love her just like you love your children....unconditionally!!! I always will!!

I saw a great quote today....never make a negative comment about someone's dog, their child, or their golf swing. I think I will add that to my list of life mottos:).

American Idol...Watch OUT!

Our family LOVES to watch American Idol (well, Tim won't admit it...but I know that secretly he does). Emma has watched it with AWE since she was 2 and Elliot Yamin was on. She was his BIGGEST fan.

This year it is so much fun to watch her singing every song along with the "idols". She sings exactly one note behind, but it's there....complete with toe tapping. She even has the microphone movements down to a science. She pulls the stool out to give herself a platform. Listen at the end when she says "SIT DOWN"...cracks me up!

Check it out for yourself and dial 1-888-IDOLS01 to vote for Emma:)....some day Baby Girl! Your already a star in our eyes!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Expectations

As we progress through pregnancy, our thoughts of what our child will look like, what they will sound like, what they will be when they grow up are all thoughts that run through our heads. We can't wait to see this little being that will call us Mommy or Daddy. I was just like everyone else while I was pregnant with Em. I couldn't wait to see her, and begin to be a mom. I couldn't wait to teach her all of the things that I loved to do as a little girl. I couldn't wait to snuggle with her....to hear her say Mama for the first time. These are the expectations of parents in waiting.

Once Emma was born, my world that I had envisioned came crashing down on me. Not only was I not sure I would ever hear her first words, but I was told on more than one occasion that she may not make it....I may not get to see her grow up at all. My dreams and my visions of our lives together and her future became an entangled mix of feelings and emotions. I couldn't grasp the thought that she would not make it, yet I wasn't sure what would happen if she did make it and she would not lead a "good life". That is what we were told. We were told that if she did live, and she had RTS that she would not have "a good quality of life". What a mix to lay on us. We were unsure if she had RTS, if she did they would not transplant her because she would not have "a good quality of life", she was dying as we were thinking of these things, AAAAHHHHHH! Too much information, too many unknowns, too many expectations from me as a Mom. I expected the doctors knew what was best for my child, I expected that the doctors would do everything possible to save my child, I even expected that God would know that if she did have RTS (because He was the only one that REALLY knew) and she would not have a good "quality of life" that he would take her and not have an organ available during her time of need. The raw emotions overtook me. That selfish side that so badly wanted to keep her here on Earth with me no matter what.....but, that part of me that was petrified of a child with extreme medical needs who would never walk or talk.

It was decided before Em was listed for transplant that she did not have RTS....she was just "too bright" (she was only 4 months old). She was listed, an organ became available at the perfect time, she came through with flying colors, and she has forged ahead with life.

Emma does have RTS. A doctor has never confirmed this...and they never will. We will never have it on her medical documentation or her school records that she has RTS....for the simple reason that is stated above....if it were decided that Em had RTS when she was 4 months old, she would not have been transplanted...she would not be sitting next to me right now (typing on HER computer) because her life would have been looked upon as "not a good quality". I really struggle with that. The expectations that I had for the doctors were clear....save my child...PERIOD! They did do their job, but only with the understanding that she was a "typical" child that would go on to lead a "typical" life. I WANT people (doctors, teachers, therapists, etc.) to always have high expectations for Emma. She may not always meet them at the time that we expect her to....but I do expect her to meet them...and I expect others to do the sams.

Em's life is by no means "typical", but it is of AMAZING quality! She is happier and more excited about every new experience than any other child that you could meet.

My expectations of Emma are now the same as they were when I was pregnant with her. It has taken me a long time to come full circle and truly grasp that. Although Emma is a little different, I still expect her to like many of the same things that I did when I was her age. I still expect her to grow up and have a job one day.

With Emma, every sound that she has made has been music to my ears, and now as I listen to her chatting away I am in awe.

I often come to this blog to write about Emma's accomplishments (or my own....on my path with a child with special needs). I do it for my personal records. It helps me to look back and see how far she has come. However, I also do it to give others hope. When we first heard of RTS I went straight to the computer (although advised not to). In my postpartum state, I read through various articles about RTS, and the tears streamed down my face. Most of the information that I found at the time was very bleak.

I am so glad to see more and more parents of children with RTS having blogs and writing about their accomplishments.....because Our children truly do have THE BEST quality of life!!!

A little bit

Tonight, while giving Em a bath she picked the shampoo that she wanted to use. I went to grab the other one, and she said, "NO, this one" while handing me the Johnson's. She then said, "That one hurts my eyes A LITTLE BIT". I just had to laugh. As I'm writing it, it doesn't sound very funny, but it makes me wonder where she gets some of her little sayings. This morning she came running up to me with her empty cup in hand and said, "Need water...I'm really really really thirsty". It is just SO exciting to see her speech blooming. I LOVE IT! I love that I can tell her to go tell Dad something, and she'll go downstairs and tell him...and he understands. I know that everyone reading this will not understand, but I think that many of you will. I was told that she would never walk or talk....OH YEA??? Take a look at her NOW!! HA! Life is good!

Emma was class reader:)

Every day in our class a child is selected to be the reader. It is one of the "jobs" assigned in the morning. The students think it is the best job to have. After last recess, the child picks out a book and "reads" it to their classmates. I have a Kindergarten and first grade class, so my 1st graders do a pretty good job reading the book. The kindergartners know that reading the pictures is a part of learning the reading process, so that is what they do.

All of the students in my class had had a chance to read....all of them except Emma. I'm not sure why I hadn't given her that job, but she was AWARE of it! Last Thursday, as a boy was reading his story to his classmates, Em got out of her chair and went up and told about something in the picture, then she sat back down. The boy turned the page, and Em attempted to get back up again....until her aide encouraged her to sit back down. Emma looked at the aide and said (with her hands on her hips), "Everyone reads" (using her hand to gesture over the entire group) "BUT NOT ME" (as she pointed to herself).

At that moment I decided that it was her turn to read. On Friday, Emma got to be the class reader...she did an AMAZING job!!! She read the book "NO, DAVID, NO" by David Shannon. She had heard the book so many times (it is a class favorite) that she was able to "read" it word for word!! If I didn't know better...I would have thought that she really was reading the book:). Oh, and the look on her face was priceless. She was SO proud of herself (I left my camera at home that day, so you'll have to make a mental picture). It just melted my heart...as her teacher AND as her Mom. It's moments like that that just make EVERYTHING so worthwhile!

Parenting 101

Wow! If the author's of the parenting books could have been at our house during dinner tonight, they would have been highly disappointed! When I found myself saying to Emma, "Emma, I already told you that if I have to tell you again you are going to bed"...I knew that I was doomed. I was talking in circles. So, when I turned to her and said, "If you smash your crackers again what is going to happen"...and she said, "I will go to bed"....I felt triumphant. She understood what I was talking about and what the consequences were, AND even though I was not following through (and I usually only give ONE chance), I knew that she was understanding, and she did not do it again.

Sometimes we have to make exceptions. Sometimes the rules do not apply to all situations. There is a reason that I got rid of every parenting book that I was given when Emma was only 3 months old. She defied the odds by living, and I am routing our own course in parenting. It's working for us:).

Life is Good

After experiencing a total meltdown...I am definitely feeling better. For some reason, I have to occassionally "go there". The school psychologist is the one that sent me over the edge this time. We live in a small town, and we are acquaitances (sp?)with him (I am also a colleague of his since I work in the same school district). He e-mailed me that day to say that he didn't know if he felt comfortable doing the testing on Emma because he knows us (Tim and myself). I grew up in this town....I know everyone. It just really threw me off and upset me. It just made it uneasy for me. Everyone that works with Emma is my friend...people that I have known for a long time. When I first received this e-mail, I really thought that he was speaking for Emma's whole team, but as I looked into it...I found that it was just him speaking for him....and he's a little odd. It just ticks me off because he is a professional....and he needs to learn to seperate himself as the professional...from himself as a colleague/friend. I DO IT EVERYDAY!!! I HAVE to seperate the teacher in me from the mom in me...and I think that I do a pretty good job...I expect the same from others that work with Em.

Anyway, that is where my struggle came from the other day. I just find it difficult as Em gets older and more people work with her. It's difficult this year because we have a totally different team working with her. It is a learning experience because they are getting to know her...but they're also getting to know a different side of me. When it comes to Em I am protective...I have to be, but I am also still me...I am an understanding individual....an understanding individual who wants only what is best for my child.

Kind of a garbled post, but I just had to say that LIFE IS GOOD!! I want to thank you all so much for the comments. There are very few people who truly understand the emotions of having a child with special needs. It takes a special group of people to be there for you when you need it. THANKS cyber-space friends/family....you are my saving grace!

Here is how good my life is...it is amazingly fantastic actually!

OK...photobucket is having "issues"....I will post the picture SOON!

Sad

That's the only way that I can explain my feelings tonight. I am at odds with "the system"...and at the moment I HATE having a child with special needs. I love Em with all of my heart, but I want all of the "stuff" to go away. I just want to move my little family to a remote island and live happily ever after...never to be judged by anyone ever again. My heart hurts...my eyes hurt...my soul hurts. Some of my best friends are the people that I work with, but I feel like I am at odds with all of them because I have entered Emma into our school...and I have taken on a different role...one that I did not sign up for...but I am attempting to make the best of. DAMN IT!!! Why can't I just easily navigate through all of this? Why are there times that I feel such bitterness? It is the most difficult position that I have ever been in in my life. Tears flow as my heart aches for some sense of normalness.

What Was I Thinking?

I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that it was too much work...too much of a struggle. I was thinking that I was pregnant, and I was tired, and she fought me on it every morning. I was thinking that I had never been a fan of rats nests, and that's what it was 90% of the time.

Granted it has been over a year, but I found these pictures the other day and I really found myself asking WHAT WAS I THINKING??




The BEST Halloween costume ever...Pippi Longstocking:)


Then, it happened! I woke up one morning, and I made the decision to go ahead...and this was the result




Granted, the girls hair grows like wildfire, and we just cut another 3 inches off this Christmas (those pictures were from last Christmas), and she still DOES have some curl....but I don't think she will ever have that much curl again....and I miss it.

Seriously, when we didn't wash it the day of and put curl control product in it...she could've been mistaken for a miniature Bob Marley with the dread locks she had goin' on, but I do miss it:).

I never realized how long it really was!

Random thoughts

I was tagged on my Facebook page to list 25 random thoughts about myself. So, I thought I would post them here too. Here is a glimpse into my crazy mind:).


1) I have lived in Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, and Arizona...I would love to live by the ocean one day.

2) I dated the same person for 6 years...all through college...married him, and 6 months later he decided "that wasn't what he wanted".

3) I'm really glad that I had my "first marriage experience"...it's made me appreciate what I have.

4) My first pregnancy was completely uneventful...my first child was NOT. She has had many issues.

5) I'm really glad that I had my "first child experience"...it's made me appreciate all that I have...and I would not trade her for the world!

6) I absolutely HATE feet! I hate to see them, touch them, smell them, ewww!

7) Desperate Housewives is my favorite show. I also like the show Weeds.

8) My sister is on of my best friends. I work with her every day, and I feel so lucky! We haven't always gotten along. When we were younger, I drove her nuts! One time I shoved permanent wave solution up her nose (from a perm)...I'm really glad that I didn't blind her!

9) I'm not a morning person! I really can't stand my alarm clock...however, once I get up and start moving I become human very quickly.

10) I absolutely adore kindergarteners. The way they think intrigues me, and I try to soak in as much of their innocense as I can. If only we could all think that all people are good...and we could all get along! They just tell it like it is...and I LOVE That!

11) I was on a dance team in college. Those were some of the best years of my life. I made some wonderful friends during those years.

12) I worry continuously about the future...I always have. I think the birth of Emma has made this worry more fierce. Sometimes it really scares me.

13) My mother is not the person that raised me, and that makes me sad, but my sister has somewhat taken over that role of the person that I need to be there. I try to be there for her too.

14) I took my birth certificate to school for show and tell in 1st grade (Why did my parents let me?? Good question). When I was walking home it started to rain, so I used my birth certificate to cover my head. Everytime I see it now I laugh at all of the smears. It is hardly legible in some places.

15) I am addicted to blogs...I follow many many blogs, and most of them are about children that have issues. I am also addicted to my own blog, which very few people that "really know me" know about. I like the anonimity of writing knowing that the people that read it don't know me.

16) Last week I was driving down the road talking to my husband on the phone. I kept telling him that he was breaking up...he sounded like he was under water, then the phone died.....I went to hang up, and realized I was on my HOME PHONE!!!

17) I want to be really skinny, but I don't want to work to get that way. I want it to happen overnight:).

18) I know more about the liver than I EVER wanted to know!

19) I am part of an on-line liver support group:). I never dreamed that would be a part of my life. I get so excited when I hear that a child got "the call" for a transplant. I always tell my sister, and she asks, "Where do they live?". I never know...so I just say Cyberspace.

20) My husband (Tim) and I were partners on many projects through college, but we never liked each other. So, when we met years later at a Karyoke bar and sang "Summer Lovin" we knew it was meant to be!

21) My least favorite saying in the entire world is, "God only gives you as much as you can handle".

22) I am in my 9th year of teaching at a rural school. I teach Kdg. and 1st grade. I feel like my families at school are my own families.

23) The 2 months that we were in Denver for our daughters liver transplant are some of my best memories (some scary ones too). I never realized how wonderful people are, and how much people really do care.

24) When I retire I want to travel with Tim all around the world...on 2 teacher's salaries....a girl can dream, right?

25) Phew! This is almost finished! I wish that everyone in the world could take a turn having a child with special needs.

5 Years Later...Look at You NOW!

Five years ago, on this day life was throwing us for a loop. Nothing seemed to be going in the right direction, and we were stuck at a big stop sign in life. There would be no going any further until it was confirmed. We could not travel any further down the road until the phone rang and we received the news. We had been waiting since December 10th, and each day that clicked by was one more day that we would stay...stuck at the stop sign....looking for some sense of direction...some sense of hope.

On January 21st, 2004 we were notified that Emma was officially placed on the transplant list, and we were off again. We were traveling down the road. Sure it was a road with an unknown destination, but we were traveling...and we had hope. The silver lining was on the horizon, and we just had to keep moving to get there. It was tough to see our 5 month old daughter struggle so much. She became more and more jaundice every day. She wasn't able to keep food down. She required oxygen at all times. BUT, we had hope!

5 years ago, at this time, we were struggling. We questioned WHY? every single day. Why was this happening to our baby? I remember a time that Tim and I went out to dinner, and we discussed the "what if'...the ultimate..."what if she doesn't make it?". It was a very real possibility that loomed over us like a black storm cloud. It followed us as we continued on our journey....but, the rainbow was in sight. We knew that the storm cloud could easily be replaced by the rainbow, as we waited for the next leg of our journey....THE CALL...the one to tell us that our baby's new liver was ready. We waited...and we waited...

I look at Emma today, and I can't help but have tears of joy. The joy that I feel that she has made it through so much. She is a warrior princess! She is my hero! She is an amazing spirit! The truth is...she does not remember back to the time 5 years ago when her life was hanging by a thread. I'm glad that she doesn't remember it, but I'm also glad that I do. Thinking back to the difficult times pulls me through some days when life seems so difficult. Thinking back to the tough times makes me realize how much of a fighter Em truly is. She has overcome such incredible obstacles, and I look at her today and I smile. She is Emma...and I am proud!

Prayers???

Miss Em is sick...and I'm hoping that it's the flu. It's amazing where my mind goes sometimes...scary places that no mother should have to think about. It is "just" the flu, right? She was fine yesterday, she went to bed, she woke up at 2:00am throwing up with a 103 temp. She continued to throw up throughout the night...just small amounts each time. This morning when she threw up it was A LOT and it was brownish red....which led me to think of blood. I was ready to call 911 or jump in the car and drive like a bat out of he** to the hospital. My husband calmed me down. We have broken her temp...but she is very lethargic. She threw up again, a smaller amount this time, but still the odd color? ARRRGGHHH!! I hate this! I'm sure that it's nothing, but it freaks me out that it could be something.

Em's big debut

I DID IT!!! I figured out how to post video:). Now, I have better videos at home, but this is the one that I had on my computer. So, without further ado...here is Miss Em counting to 15...then 100:)!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Weight Loss Challenge 2009

It's that time of the year again...time to set the New Year's Resolution and THINK THIN!!! I got to skip that part last year, as I was enjoying every minute of watching my waist line increasing by the day. However, this year I am paying for it. I have 11 pounds to go to get to pre-pregnancy weight...and at least 21 to get to where I would like to be.

I am excited that I was finally able to buy regular underwear...I've been loving wearing the really cute maternity ones that I bought...but, let's face it...they're not the most flattering things in the universe. I was skeptical of buying any until I was SOMEWHERE close to my size.

I had a friend stop by the other day that had a baby 2 days after me. She lives in another town and we hadn't seen each other since right before our boys were born. Well, she gave me the motivation to think thin....she is skinny, skinny, skinny. She said that she hasn't weighed that weight since Middle school! Yea...I guess it's time for me to hop on the losing weight train!

OK, just had some fish sticks with the kids for lunch....do you think THAT will help me lose weight? UGH! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!

All By Myself

Ahhh, the silence....I'm enjoying it for the moment. However, after a little while I begin to miss the chaos that comes with being a mom of little kids. I just got done with a meeting, Em's still at school, Owen's still at daycare (nap time), and Tim has just left to go out of town. I am completely enjoying the time to sit on the couch all by myself for a few minutes and just breath.

Yes, I still have the thoughts that run through my mind. Is Em going to behave on the bus today as she makes the long trip to town? She is still struggling with hitting. I wish SO badly that I could figure out why she does it. It is such an impulsive act. I know that it's not meant to be mean or hurtful, but she just does it....I think before she even thinks about it. I struggle with it every day. Even though I know that she's not trying to be mean....it still doesn't make it right...and the other kids do not understand. SO frustrating!

I have the thought that both of my kids are on the verge of sickness. I took them both in for sinus infections yesterday, they are both on antibiotics. Owen has an ear infection and he's cutting 4 teeth all at the same time on top of it. It could be a REALLY long night! I hope not!

Tim is gone until Friday night. Although I do enjoy maybe a night to myself....I miss him so much after the first day. Also, Emma just cannot figure out where Daddy is. She walks around saying, "Where's Daddy...OH, at work" over and over....but never really grasps that he is gone. We are planning to do iChat while he is gone this time so that Em can see him and talk to him. We'll see if that helps or hinders her coping ability.

For now....I'm just enjoying breathing in...and breathing out. It's a very important thing for any parent to do...especially those of us that have an extraordinary child:).

Videos have been requested, and I am definitely working on it. I would love to share my Em with all of you! However, I am currently running into 2 obstacles. #1 when you get a camera in front of Miss Em...she clams up (so, I have to be sneaky) and #2 I'm not sure how to post videos, but that part I will definitely figure out.

My Little Helper

Oh how I love my sweet angel girl. She is such a fiesty little thing, but she can be the most loving creature on Earth at the same time. Lately, she is very determined to help her brother learn to be a "big kid". She is trying to teach him how to sign (too cute to watch her tell him "more...Owen, say MORE" while she's pushing her hands together...then she pushes his hands together. I never thought I would see the day that she would be teaching someone else sign language. It makes this mama's heart swell with pride.

Emma loves to help with Owen's bath. She likes to put his clothes in the dirty clothes because, "They are stinky". Then she will get his towel. Tonight, she asked, "Where do I put it?". I said, "On the counter". She said, "Oh, right on the counter". Then, the towel kept slipping off. She was a little frustrated and said, "Can't do it! Too hard!!!". She is just cracking me up. Her speech is just blossoming, and it is very spontaneous (before she was more echolalic...repeated everything). We've been back at school for 2 days and I've had so many comment on how much her speech has improved. It is so nice to hear others comment on her progress.

Now....Emma's having a few issues in the diarrea department and that is frustrating. I think her allergies are kicking into high gear...which worries me a little. It also worries me that diarrea causes medication to not absorb at well, and her immunosuppression needs to be absorbed. I continue to tell myself it is out of my hands. I just need to pray for the best. I've started her on a yogurt regimine along with Immodium. We'll see if it works....keep your fingers crossed.

Also, Em's had 2 days at school with no hitting, pushing, or pinching!!! That is a big deal in our house!! Keep up the great work Miss Em! You are our big girl!

Is It THAT Obvious?

We all went to Wal-Mart yesterday. Tim was spending a little too much time in sporting goods, so I decided to take Em and head over to beauty to get a few beauty products:). The strangest thing happened...a little unnerving? There were 4 young guys (late teens early 20's) that all ran back to the garden center. One of them saw us and came walking back. They were acting really strange. The one came back and said to me, "Excuse me...this may sound strange but is your name Cindy?". I said, "No". He said, "Oh, you just looked like a Cindy". I said, "No, not today", and I went on my way.

I got to the furthest cosmetic aisle and realized that he was following me (with one hand in his pocket)...and there was now no one else around. I grabbed Em's hand a little tighter as he came up and said, "OK, I know this is going to sound really strange, but I am here with my church group and we are looking for people to pray for and you looked like you could use some prayers. I was wondering if there was anything specific that you needed us to pray for. Are you having financial difficulties, marital problems, or anything else?". (I know that I am an extremist, but all I could think of was the girl during the Columbine shooting who said she believed in God and got shot.) I simply said, "No, we're doing just fine". He laughed a little and said, "Really, everything is good?". I said, "Yes" and walked away.

I quickly went and found Tim and told him about it. Of course we didn't see the guy again. However, it really bothered me when I got home. I mean at the time the guy just seemed creepy. However, what if they truly were with a church group....and what made me "look" like someone who needs prayers? Is it THAT obvious that I am a trainwreck? Really, I feel pretty put together. I mean, I have my moments, but overall I feel pretty good about where my life is.

So, I guess folks. I need you to pray for me....because, I may have just turned away the one sign from God that he was trying to tell me that I definitely need prayers?

Is it just me, or does the whole thing sound weird to you?