Rain girl????

After dinner this evening Emma wanted nothing more than to go for a walk with her new bike (for her birthday she got a tricycle that you can push like a stroller...it is GREAT), so we headed off to a nearby park. In the past Emma has liked the park, but when it was time to go she didn't make a big deal about it. Today things changed!

When we got to the park there were 3 other children there. Emma headed right to the swings. As I placed her in the swing the mom next to me (who was pushing her little boy in the other swing) asked the infamous question, "How old is she?" (innocent enough, right?). So, I answered, "She just turned three. She replied, "Oh, he will be 3 in February". OK....the child was a bruiser!! He was AT LEAST 10 pounds heavier than my tiny Miss Em:). Her child wanted down, and he ran off to play with the other 2 children. They all 3 climbed the slide by themselves and went down. I sat and watched in awe as I wondered if that would EVER be Emma? For one thing she is terrified of the slide, and she doesn't have the upper body strength to climb the slide yet. Next, Emma wanted to go on the merry-go-round, and she loved it, but I felt like the outsider as we played in one corner of the park while the other 3 children played together. It really made me sad.

However, after 2 of the children left the park there was only one little boy left. He came up to us and said, "My name is Dillon". I said, "It's nice to meet you Dillon, this is Emma". Emma kept pointing at Dillon saying, "Dillon" and pointing at herself and saying, "Emma". She loved playing with Dillon. She chased him around and followed him up the stairs (of a different slide that is a little easier....but, it was still a first for her).

Then, the wind started to blow. It blew and blew, and it began to get COLD! So, I told Emma it was time to go. She threw herself on the ground and kicked her feet. I looked around as if to say, "Whose kid is this??". So, I picked her up put her back on her bike (thank God there is a belt to buckle her on) and off we went.....and DOWN came the RAIN!!! It started raining within a block of leaving the park. I could see the look of pity from the passing cars as I just smiled at them. I really did find it quite amusing! Emma thought it was GREAT!! We were about a mile away from our house. When we had walked a little ways we came to a big tree, and we stopped to wait for the rain to pass. I was so amazed when 2 different cars stopped to ask if we needed a ride. It's so nice to know that there are good people out there! However, with the bike and all I said that I thought we could make it. Finally, it calmed a bit and we ran the rest of the way home with Emma saying, "WEEEEEE" all the way!! We pulled into the garage, and I helped her off her bike. I turned around and she was GONE!! Yes, you guessed it, she ran as fast as she could out of the garage to play in the "water" on the driveway. I think she would have played there all night, and the beauty to see her playing on nature's playground far outweighs the feeling that I would have felt if she were just a "typical" kid going down the slide with the other 3 kids at the park. Thank you rain for reminding me of the beauty of MY child:).

Hi ho! Hi ho!! It's off to work.....

Tomorrow is the big day! My first day "on contract"...which translates to the first day that I am paid to be in my classroom. The first day that I have to be there from 7:45 until 3:45. It is so much earlier this year. Am I ready??? In some ways I am. I am ready to have a "schedule". I am a person who likes order. Granted, it is nice to have a few months to do whatever I want, whenever I want (well, whatever Emma wants), but I do look forward to a more structured life. I am also ready to have some adult interaction (other than Tim). It is wonderful to be with my husband 24/7 for 3 months, but I think we are both ready to be around other adults also.

Now, I am not in any way ready to take Emma back to the babysitter. I know that she will love it. She will not miss me AT ALL!! She absolutely LOVES her babysitter (and I am so thankful for that), but I will miss not being with her. I will even miss her naughtiness that has taken over lately (pinching, pinching, pinching).

Ready or not here it comes. I am very excited to see my students. I have the wonderful opportunity to have my students for 2 years in a row (I teach Kdg. and 1st grade). I really become attached to my kids, and I do miss them over the summer. I am also excited to get to know my new kindergarten students. Now, there are a couple of parents that could give me a run for my money, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there (and kill them with kindness)!

So, think of me tomorrow in my classroom up in the middle of the beautiful mountains....preparing for my 9 wonderful students who will enter my classroom next week and teach ME more in a year than I ever could imagine!

"Life Ain't Always Beautiful....."

Have you heard the song?? "Life Ain't Always Beautiful...But, it's a beautiful ride"....I'm not sure who sings this song, and I absolutely do not like the word ain't, BUT the song truly has good meaning. Life isn't always beautiful, but when you look back at the journey it is a beautiful ride. Yes, today I can say this. Emma is doing phenomenal...knock on wood (HARD)!! She has been 3 years old for 10 days now....and she is a "new" person. It is like a switch has suddenly clicked, we've turned the corner, I don't know what it is....BUT I am hoping that there is no turning back! She is eating....like crazy! I have waited for this day for 3 years...and I.AM.LOVING.IT!!! She is eating turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas, carrot, tortillas, cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, apples. She is just eating, and eating, and EATING!!! YYYIIIPPPPEEEE! And, you know what!!! If life HAD always been "beautiful"...if we had not had these eating issues....then I would not be able to appreciate the pure joy that I am experiencing these past 10 days! It is like she has been born all over again! My stress has been lifed, and I feel a sense of peace that I have not felt in 3 years. No, life may not always be "beautiful", BUT it is a beautiful ride! Let the journey continue! I just can't wait to see what is around the next corner. The view is just getting more and more spectacular:).

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words

Innocent, sweet, beautiful child of mine. Words cannot describe the feelings I have for my girl. My husband took this picture the day before her 3rd birthday, and she looks so grown up. Emma, you truly are a beauty. Always keep the innocence my child!!

Now that she's 3......

I cannot believe that my baby girl turned 3 years old yesterday!! In so many ways it seems like just yesterday when we were having her. The memories are so vivid! However, with all that she has been through....I honestly think she should be about 25! Or is it just that I feel like I am 50 some days??? Either way, yesterday was a terrific day, and Miss Emma was SOOOO excited that it was her birthday. So, now that she is 3.....She has her own "wheels". Yes, Emma got a jeep AND a princess tricycle (complete with an overhead canopy, water bottle, and a bell). She also can swing in a "big girl swing" all by herself (occassionally lets go with one hand and scares the crap out of mom....but hey!). She can also climb up her jungle gym (this still requires SOME assistance from Dad due to extremely short legs...runs in the family...LOL!). She is growing up!! I'm not ready!



OH! And the first picture is her cake! Yes, I made it all by myself! Can you believe it??? Must mean that I am 33 years old...and officially a grown up......NO! I am not ready for that either:).

August Thoughts (Ramblings)

I honestly cannot believe that August is here. I am just not ready, but no one asked me if I was ready or not. Here are some of my thoughts about August:

1) We have been married for 5 years this Friday! Some days it feels like 15 years. Is that a bad thing?? We have just been through SO much that it does not feel like it has "only" been 5 years. In many ways we are so very strong, but in other ways there is so much room for growth. I guess that is true for any marriage. I can still say that I am so lucky to have my husband, and I feel fortunate to be on this journey through life with him....has it REALLY only been 5 years???

2) My sweet baby girl will be 3 years old this Saturday! Some days it feels like she should be 15 years old also....but some days it feels like it has only been 15 months. It is such a weird feeling when your child has been through so much. I feel like we missed out on alot of the sweet cuddling times that are bittersweet for a first time parent. A new parent shouldn't have to make life decisions about their child within the first 2 months of life. BUT, that is our journey, and I wouldn't trade my little angel for anything!

3) I think I have finally reached the cliff in my journey (does that sound like a bad place to be?....it's not at all). I feel like I have been running through trees since Emma was born. I have been running and running and running and trying to find the answers. Then I have hit boulders that I have tried to move to make my life "better". I have fallen into large holes which I thought I would never be able to dig myself out of. Through all of this...the shadows from the trees have hung over me and I was having a difficult time seeing the beauty. However, I think I have finally come to the cliff. The sun is shining, all shadows are gone, and I see my life ahead of me. My life with a beautiful little girl who is the sunshine of my world. And I LOVE HER FOR WHO SHE IS....I am no longer trying to make her someone that she is not. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am enjoying my summer with her SO much!

4) UGH!! School starts SOON! While Emma is so excited to go back to "Miss Joline" (her babysitter)...I am not ready to take her!!! I know that she will be in EXCELLENT care, BUT it will NOT BE ME! I know that if a Mom has to work....teaching is one of the best occupations of choice, BUT....I don't want to go back! I will adjust. I always do....and I am not sure I could be a 100% stay at home mom, so I completely enjoy being one for 3 months every year!

5) Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts! We are excited about Emma's party on Saturday. Wait till you see the cake pictures. We'll see if I can top last year's Elmo cake:). It was pretty impressive....so, we'll see!

Hell's Angels Taking Over???

Our little town happens to be the lucky place for the 2006 world reunion of the Hell's Angels. A town of 10,000 is now also inhabitted by 2,000 hells angels. Our law enforcement has overeacted maybe just a little. We have 100 police cars, 2 helicopter surveilance, 25 DCI (Department of Criminal Intent), cops on motorcycles, undercover cops, etc. While this does ease the fears of the population...it may be just a bit of overkill. The thing that gets me is ALL of these law enforcement people are giving tickets for EVERY LITTLE THING including a man riding his bike too close to the sidewalk, many people have been cited for jaywalking, people have received tickets for having a crack in their windshield.



I am just in awe of all of the Hell's Angels, and it has made me wonder just exactly what their lifestyle is. There is not much information on the internet about them. I know they are the "bad boys" of the motorcycle clubs, but do they have jobs, families, etc? Some of them are ENORMOUS (some very tall, and some VERY round....although I would not want to tell them that!).



I have to laugh at Miss Emma however. Wouldn't it be nice to be a child again, and have no fear of people? She sees the Hell's Angels and she waves and smile.....turns even the meanest looking of men to absolute putty!



She just HAD to wear her motorcycle shirt today! Here she is "dreaming" about life in the fast lane! Have a GREAT week!

A moment to reflect

My blog has been a little quiet lately. There are a few reasons for that.



First, it is simply amazing how a teacher who "has the summer off...ha, ha" can keep so incredibly busy!!! We have home projects, conferences, and oh yes...the almost 3 year old who I chase around all day long!



Second, it seems that every couple of months I go into a little bit of a funk for about a week. During this funk I just want to be by myself. Just ask my husband....I really am not myself. I find myself trying to sort things out...trying to figure out "why" to a question that I will never know. I continually beat myself up during that time for "what I should have done different during my pregnancy" (which includes not taking the medication that my OB prescribed that the pharmacist said "I've never heard of a pregnant woman using this"....but believing that "my OB knew best"...why didn't I question that more???? Or maybe when my OB prescribed some med for a yeast infection during my 1st trimester...which I later read in the handout enclosed "not to be used in the 1st trimester of pregnancy"...why didn't I read that earlier???? Again, I THOUGHT that my OB knew what was best! Or, maybe it was just the lime frenzy that I went on in my 1st trimester! I ate 3 limes a day...just peeled them and ate them like oranges. They were so sweet...UGH! HMMMM?? I will question all of these things until the day that I die.....then, I will have my list of questions ready for "the man upstairs"!!



Third, anytime that Emma goes through a vommiting bout is very very bad for my mental status! I just cannot handle it. I went for 2 1/2 years of having her vomit between 1-4 times a day. In April we finally figured some things out, and she went almost 2 months without throwing up at all. Then, KABOOM! It starts again...WHY!!!! I cannot even begin to explain how much better my emotional well being was during that 2 mths!!! So much less stressful! So, I took bananas out of her diet 3 days ago....and....no vomitting!!! I think she now has an allergy to bananas (along with dairy, soy, rice, wheat, eggs, nuts, and shellfish....sigh!). As long as I know what it is....I CAN handle it:).





And, last but not least, forth... I can only blame it on scrapbooking! AND, to scrapbook...you must have pictures. So, of course I have been taking many pictures of Miss Em. I thought I would share one with you. During my "funk" I had one day where I just couldn't quit crying. So, I loaded Em into the car and we went to the river. It is amazing how calming flowing water can be to the soul. Emma loved it!!

Enjoying summer

Emma and I have been enjoying the summer sun while Daddy teaches classes in the afternoon. Today is his last day of teaching, then we can all have fun together. Last summer seems like so long ago when I think about how much Emma has grown and changed. At this time last year Emma was not walking on her own, which made any kind of yardwork extremely difficult! If we stepped more than 10 feet away from her she would scream. She just wanted to be a part of the action. She is such a wonderful helper, and this year she has the chance to help in every way. We have been planting a rock garden with a few plants disbursed throughout. Emma is so great at taking the plants OUT after I have put them IN the hole! She also loves to take the dirt and throw it around the black plastic to create her masterpiece (thankfully there is the Shop Vac)! We really have enjoyed Emma this summer. She loves to pick the very green apples off of our trees and eat them (EEEWWWW!! They are SO sour...but, she loves them). The slide is her newest love. She has a little one that she can completely do on her own, but now she has moved onto the BIG slide, which is just hilarious when Mom goes down with her....again....and again....and again....and again! It just amazes me to watch our little peanut walk all the way back to the back of our property with us (only an acre, but a HUGE feat for those tiny legs). She is just such a trooper.



As always, here are some pictures! Enjoy!



Here is Emma, on a cooler day, picking flowers for her Mom:







Emma's new found love....her sprinkler:





I just had to capture the little princess that FELL ASLEEP on her big wheel! She was just SO tired!






And, last but definitely NOT least. Emma's newest "friend"...and my newest "enemy". The deer LOVE the flowers that we have planted in the rock garden (the black plastic you see in the picture will be covered with rocks...that is our rock garden). Now, most of our yard is behind the fence (the fence is to keep Emma in), and the deer have NEVER come inside the fence until this summer.

When I come to the door and BOOM there they are...they scare the crap out of me!!! However, Emma thinks they are fantastic, and she loves it when they come to visit her! I think the deer in this picture is thinking about riding Miss Em's big wheel!

Waiting for "the shot"

We drove 10 hours (one way) last weekend just to get a shot so Emma would be less likely to contract the chicken pox virus. In the car Emma was the happiest child. She laughed, played, and thought that we were going on a family vacation! We felt like we were taking her to the slaughter house! We knew that the shot was going to be very painful, but it had to be done.

Here is Emma waiting outside the hospital (with her Havalah duck) for them to come to get her (since she is immunosuppressed they do not want her in the germy waiting room....and neither do I):







Here is Em's fashion statement for the week:). I think everyone will start wearing these soon:







Waiting in the ER room, Emma is practicing her karate kicks (don't ask me where she comes up with this stuff). She kicks her leg and says, "Hiya!" Too cute!







They gave her the shot, she cried for about a minute, the nurse gave her stickers, and she stuck them all over her body while she laughed like crazy. Silly girl....you've gotta love her:).

More vacation pictures

Sorry, it has been awhile since I said I would post more pictures. We had to go on a whirlwind trip this weekend to get Miss Em a shot so she would not get chicken pox. We were gone from home for 50 hours (19 of which we spent in the car). Whew!! It's good to be home!!



Well, when we went on vacation we went to the zoo. It was a fantastic zoo!! Emma loved it! They had a turtle that looked just like me:



Emma loved it so much she just had to go give that turtle a BIG "mooch". I'm pretty sure the turtle loved it too.



Then, we went to the butterfly garden. WOW!! It was amazing! They had 500-600 butterflies. They were everywhere! Here was a really pretty one:







Emma had this one land on her leg. She thought that was SO funny, but I was impressed by how still she sat.





This one liked my hair!







We ended the day with a ride on the carousel. Em was definitely NOT sure about this one when I put her on it, but she warmed up to the idea quickly...then she was in full parade-waving mode!

Bigger than she is

It is true that Miss Emma attracts the attention! A simple glance at a person and she can make anyone smile. She has this aura around her that glows. Even someone who is having a really bad day cannot help but smile when they look at Miss Em. When we are in the front yard Emma has to wave at every car that passes by on the street...and most of them wave back at her.

I was talking to my aunt on the phone the other day. My aunt lives very far away. She has only met Emma one time...right after she was extubated in the hospital in April. Em was a bit groggy when my Aunt Tammy walked into the room, but Emma say up, smiled at her visitor, and waved hello. They played together for quite a while. When I was talking to Tammy on the phone she said that "Emma just makes the whole room glow". I said, "yes, she gets noticed everywhere she goes...I think it's the hair". Tammy said, "Her hair is as big as her personality". I think they are both bigger than she is.

WHY GOD WHY?????

The words that I was yelling as I cleaned up vomit from Miss Em's tray right after she had just finished eating her entire lunch! Now, I guess this is a step in the right direction for me because this is the first time that I have even spoken to "THE MAN UPSTAIRS" for quite some time. I know....turn your troubles to God....well, I have tried that and it didn't work. I would like to know exactly why He keeps dishing out the bad stuff to my kid!!! Mentally I just cannot go back to the puking all of the time thing, and believe me....that is where we are headed AGAIN! Every single day this week Emma has puked. I can't do it. I have no Calgon....what is a Mom to do????

If your reading this and want to give me some inspirational words about God....please don't! I am just angry right now. I am angry that my child had a liver disease. I am angry that my child had to have a liver transplant and will be on medication for that for the rest of her life. I am angry that the nieve parenting that I am supposed to be experiencing has been robbed from me. I am angry that my child still is not speaking. I am angry that my child cannot eat like a "normal" child. I am angry that my child is allergic to so many things. I AM JUST FLAT OUT ANGRY!!!!!

Hah!! We just got a call that Emma was exposed to chicken pox last night! Now we are on the hunt for some nasty shot that she has to have to lessen the chances of a major outbreak (because chicken pox in a child that has had a transplant can be a very very bad thing....and NO she cannot have the vaccine for it because it is a live vaccine that can also be harmful to her)... oh goody! SOMETHING ELSE TO BE ANGRY ABOUT!

Sorry....I know....it's a very negative post....but, these are my true feelings for the day:).

Vacation all I ever wanted!

Sing with me now....Vacation happy to get away.....!



We went on our very first (since Emma was born), non hospital related in any way, vacation a couple of weeks ago. It was wonderful!! I am still recovering (and so is our washing machine), but it truly was a memorable trip. Amazing that I can still say that after 24 hours in the car with a two year old...and my mother in law:). It really was GREAT!!



So, my next few posts will be trip related. I had to start with our first night....in a motel...on our way to Uncle Steve's house. Can you tell that Miss Em was too excited to sleep?







This was how Emma felt about our first hiking adventure of the trip. Come on Em! After all....you do have the correct footwear (extremely important for any 2 year old).







I think Emma is saying to us, "You are taking me WHERE?". I love it!! Em is obsessed with sunglasses and cellphones. Can you say 2 going on 20?

Happy Father's Day

I knew the moment that I saw Miss Em's face this morning. She knew it was a special day. As she rubbed her tiny hands over her sleepy eyes, she smiled at me, and pointed to the room across the hall and said, "Daddy???" as if to question..."Mom, is he there? Is he having a good day?". So, I scooped the little princess from her bed to go and give her Daddy big mooches, and he accepted without hesitation! The two of them layed in bed together while I made a big breakfast...and that is how our Father's Day began!

Today is a special day for all men out there. Men who are Father's, men who will be Father's, men who have been Fathers, and men who will never be a Father but have made an impression on someone's life. After all a Father is an impressionable figure in one's life. My Dad has always been there for me, and I know he always will be. He has taught me that life can be tough, but it is what we make of the difficult moments that matter. How true that is. He has said to me, "People may not remember what happened, but they will know who you have become because of it". A very profound statement that I heard many years ago. It has stayed with me, and I now know the TRUE meaning of it.

Yes, my Dad probably has every one of his gray hairs on his head because of me. I did give him a run for his money in my teenage years, but in return he gave me unconditional love.

They say that you look to marry someone who is similar to your own Dad. In my case I think that is true. There are many similarities, although there are also many differences. I am glad that Tim possesses many of the same qualities that my Dad has. I know that he will raise Emma to be a strong and independent person, while letting her lead the way to her own destiny.

On this Father's Day I would like to thank my Dad, my husband, and all of the men out there who are making a positive difference in someone's life.

Happy Father's Day Dad and Tim! You both deserve only the best!!!

Living a Day in the Life

Is it typical to feel the darkness looming over your shoulder every day....to never feel that you don't have anything to worry about? I am beginning to think that it is very typical. Yes, I have a child with on-going medical issues, and I find myself continually going to her room at night to hear the sweet sound of her breathing. I cringe at every sneeze wondering if it could be "the one" to send us back to "Club West Park Hospital" (our "spa" of choice). I take her temperature at least 2 times a day...just to make sure that the germy creatures are keeping at bay. I KNOW that the darkness looms. It follows me everyday and everywhere that I go.

However, in my thoughts lately I have been trying to understand the darkness that others may have looming. Every person that we encounter day to day does have some darkness that looms. The rude cashier at Wal-Mart....maybe her boyfriend is abusing her and she has nowhere to turn. The mother that yells at her child in public without even thinking about the child's feeling....maybe she lost her job. The worried face of the person that you pass on the street....maybe she just found out that her child needs her tonsils removed. NOW, this last one used to really annoy me. It's just her tonsils lady...it's not like it's an organ transplant. After some serious thought I have come to the realization that what a person is going through at the time could be the BIGGEST thing they have EVER gone through....and that is HUGE!! A parent that has never had a child in the hospital would be overwhelmed at the thought of having tonsils removed.

Miss Em and I went to lunch with a friend the other day. I had already fed Emma before we left home, but she wanted some goldfish crackers. I had forgotten her bib, but I figured that she would be fine. Well, guess what!! She was not fine! Somehow that goldfish found a way to make Emma gag, and you guessed it, up it came. Of course she coughed first, and being the experienced puke master momma that I am I knew what was coming. So, I put on my official puke master mama cape and flew into the rescue!!! I swept her out of the highchair, flew past the people staring at me, and ALMOST made it to the bathroom. With just a little puke on the floor I managed to get most of it into the sink in the bathroom (and NONE on Em or myself!!!...now tell me that some "amateur" parent could pull that one off:). I realized as I came out of the bathroom that yes some people might have been staring, but you know what I DIDN'T CARE!!! All I thought was, "They just need to live a day in the life". Then I realized that maybe I should live a day in the life of anyone that I judge throughout the day also! Really, there is no such thing as an "easy life". Everyone has their own challenges, but the rewards that I get from my "challenging life" are.... the beautiful voice of Miss Emma saying, "Mamama" anytime she gets hurt (because only Mom can fix it), getting to have unlimited kisses from the most fascinating child that I have ever seen, and being allowed to be the mother to one of the most extraordinary creatures that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

The darkness does loom, but the light that I continue to walk in will be my reward.

You're NOT the boss of me!!

It will never cease to amaze me how quickly children find their "own" personality. As a parent you think, "This child is made from the genes of her father and myself...therefore she is a mixture of the two of us"....yeah right!!! Think again! Emma is 100% truly, uniquely, you've gotta love her, HERSELF!! AND, she WILL let you know that SHE is the one that makes the rules!



Those of you reading this that do not personally know me may think that I am a parent that just lets my child do what she wants to. You may think that I do not discipline, or I am lazy. I challenge anyone to take a good look at their own child and tell me that their child does every single thing that you tell him to. It's not possible. They are all so unique. What a wonderful thing!! Yes, I did say that it was a wonderful thing that my child does not listen to me ALL of the time. I want her to have her own thoughts and feelings about things. I want her to have the power to say NO! I want her to think something over before she makes a committment to do it.



Yes, Emma is 2 and she does not listen to everything that I say. Is she a brat? No way!!! Do I ever feel like banging my head against the wall? You bet I do! But, when I see that strong will showing through those beautiful eyes I stop and think to myself, "she IS going to be OK! No matter what this world throws at her...she will conquer it. She has the almighty determination".



Check it out:



This is the look I give when I don't get my way



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"You can't make me!"

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"No way am I going to smile for that camera Mama!"

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American Idol's Biggest Fan?

Miss Emma has found a new love of her life....and his name is Elliot Yamin. Yes, he is ENTIRELY too old, and in my opinion not the most attractive:)....but, he does have talent! We have watched American Idol since the beginning of this season. This is the first time that we have watched the show. It has been so amusing to watch Emma while the show is on. She may be having a tea party (with her giant stuffed Elmo of course), putting a puzzle together, coloring, etc., BUT when Elliot comes on to sing...WATCH OUT!!! Emma makes a bee line for the little basket (that has somehow become her seat), and she will watch from the beginning to the end of Elliot's song. Then she will clap, stand up and clap, then she is off to bigger and better things.....until he comes on to sing again.



The last 2 weeks (since Elliot was booted off) Emma has not been interested in watching at all.....until last night! The return of Elliot to the finale sparked a new flame in Miss Emma's eye! She was SO excited! Here's a pic of Emma watching Elliot...SO CUTE!!!







Now, my PERSONAL favorite was Chris!!! Great voice, and not so bad on the eyes either:). However, I guess Emma and I both had something else in mind for our American Idols!!

A Turtle on His Back??

This evening I ran into an old friend. This man retired last year at a fairly early age. He was a hard worker all of his life, and like all of us, he looked forward to retirement. So, he retired at the early age of 61....only to have a massive stroke the very next day! Today was the first time that I have seen him since the day before he retired, and as I walked away from our conversation tears streamed down my face. I had asked him how he was. His reply, "I feel as if I have died. I feel like a turtle that is on his back. I cannot flip over, and no one can help me....but, at least I can finally walk again". An entire year after his stroke and he is finally able to walk.

I found myself wondering "WHY"? Why was this path chosen for this man who was so full of life?

I drove home and found my husband talking to our new neighbor. He had his little boy with him. Emma was SO excited to see a little friend at our house. She chased him up and down the driveway...then he chased her. It was so much fun to see her little face light up. Then, his Mom came over to join us. He ran up to her and said, "Mom, this is my friend"! My heart nearly burst to hear someone else call my little Emma his "friend". Emma's friend is an entire year younger than Emma.

Wow! So great that Em has a friend, but I do hope that one day she can tell me (with words) that he is her friend too.

Interesting, the neighbor Mother was in awe as I told her Emma's story. She said over and over, "I don't know how you got through it". HMMMM? That's a question that I have asked myself. I truly do not believe that it was ME going through everything. I know that sounds odd...and NO I do not have multiple personalities (I don't think). However, whenever Emma has gone through anything BIG I have just felt like I was standing outside of it all watching. Afterward the emotions are definitely within me...but I am numb to it. It is not until MUCH later that the reality hits. At THAT point I have to deal with it. So, at the time where everyone else thinks that all is well again....Emma's Mom is going through HER emotional crisis. Yes, that is the way it works with me. But, I put on the "happy" face, and pretend that I am just doing great! How do I get through it??? Any way that I can! This is the ONLY child that I have....this is ALL that I have ever known as a parent....and all that I do know is that if I do not have to "go through it anymore" then I know that I am going to be "going through something MUCH worse" because my child would no longer be here.

Yes, these are my random thoughts for the day. Ultimately, I guess that we are all a bunch of turtles. Sometimes we do land on our backs. Sometimes others help to turn us back over, and sometimes you just stay there on your back for a while thinking...."OH CRAP...why is this happening to me?".....hopefully we will ALL walk again:).

The Impossible

Maybe "fate" is trying to tell me something. The last 3 mornings when Emma and I have gotten in the car the same song has been on the radio. It is the song "Impossible". The chorus goes like this:

Unsinkable ships sink
Unbreakable walls break
Sometimes the things you think will never happen
Happen just like that

Unbendable steal bends
when the fury of the wind is unstoppable
I've learned to never underestimate....the impossible!


It is ironic to have the SAME song on the radio every time that you enter the car for 3 days in a row. However, it is also strange that I am currently reading the book titled Impossible...by Danielle Steel (granted...it does not have the deep rooted meaning that the chorus to the song does....it is a mindless read and right now that is what I need).

Then, as I was driving into town today I saw a billboard that said in bold letters:
IS IT POSSIBLE????

Is lightening going to strike me down next??

I have seen the possible happen when it seemed as if it were truly impossible due to the circumstances. Emma was 10 pounds when she received a liver from a 17 year old that weighed 115 pounds. Possible?? You bet it was...my sassy little princess is shear proof that it is entirely possible!

BELIEVE BELIEVE BELIEVE!! I do believe there is a higher power that leads us in the direction of our destiny. I have thought about this so much lately.

Next week we have Miss Emma's yearly IEP meeting. I truly despise these meetings. I feel as if they are set up simply to tell a parent how far behind their child is from the "norms". Now, my child does not and never has fit into the "norms". It is not "normal" for an infant to turn yellow at 3 weeks of age...and be crying tears of gold at three months. It is not normal for a 7 month old child to need a new liver in order to see her 1st birthday. However, the sparkle in her eye when she sees a bird land on a tree is very "normal". The way she sleeps with her little hands folded together (as if she is praying) and tucked under her sweet little face is "normal". The way that she walks is NOW "normal". She colors, stacks things, follows directions....all very normal. In those ares she has caught up to her "normal" peers. However, what her IEP will focus on is her speech. Do I seriously WANT to know what her age equivalent is for her speech? Exactly what does that do to the pride of parenthood when you know that your child is by no means "normal" in that area? Do they REALLY need to TELL me that? SIGH!!! HELLO folks....It is more than POSSIBLE that Emma's speech is going to be OK one day...you just have to BELIEVE!

My quote for the day: A child may only be a person in the world, but that child may be the world to a person.

Is your child your world??? I know that mine is, and I know that she is such an important part of the world of so many others. I've learned to never underestimate....the impossible!