Is This Reality???

A Great Catch

2011-01-25T20:02:00.000-08:00

Well Blog family...it has been awhile since my last post. So, this was the best title that I could think of. We have been ice fishing... ALOT this winter. Emma LOVES to hold the fish, while her brother loves to tell us what a fish "says" while he just moves his mouth without a sound.

We had Emma's MDT tonight. She is due for her 3 year eval, so the team needed to meet to discuss what testing we wanted to do. We are "those" parents...and proud of it. I ask why, and so does my husband....A LOT!! I asked what each test would accomplish and how the results would help us to achieve her greatest academic potential. What we DON'T want is to just have a bunch of professionals going on a hunt to find out what is "wrong" with her. If it's going to help her or those around her to make the best of her education....great! If not....we will not consent. It is our parental right.

For example...we will not consent to an IQ test. There are various reasons for this. We have both been educators for a long time. There are various kinds of teachers out there. However, we happened to have one of them last year.....she knew the RTS label was probably what Emma had. She put a ceiling on our girl's learning, and for an entire year....Emma played with play-doh, watched movies, and took naps....THAT is what her entire day every day consisted of.

This year, we have an entirely new team. They BELIEVE in her! I truly believe that they are valuable educators that would believe in her regardless of a number shown on an IQ test....however, once that # is placed in her file it is readily available to any future educator that she has, and what if we end up with another one that does not believe? It's a twist....no doubt about it!!

So, onto this year. Emma is writing her name. She is copying sentences, she is at grade level on her standardized tests in the area of reading and language. She is making gains in math. She is READING (sight words and 3 letter words mostly, but she is DEFINITELY going to be a reader)! YEAH!

We are so proud of our girl! She just shines every day!

Happy Halloween!!

2010-10-29T21:52:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween from Pebbles and Bam Bam!!

I actually MADE the costumes:)...using a hot glue gun (because that's the ONLY kind of sewing that I do). They turned out pretty cute if I do say so myself:). And, yes, that is ALL Emma's hair:)....we got asked that MANY times tonight:) (even once by her own Dad:). I forget how much hair the girl has until I go to curl it like that. I am so jealous!!!

Hope you all have a Happy Halloween!

Good Times

2010-10-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

Emma has FINALLY had good blood results:). It's been 8 months since her labs started going up (liver numbers that is). We went to Denver in July for her annual check up. Our GI doctor (who is a rockstar by the way) wanted to do a liver biopsy (we have not had one done since transplant 6 1/2 years ago), and he wanted her to stay overnight until we got the results. We thought that was a bit strange, but our GI is cautious and we like that about him. So, we stayed overnight and the next day as I was packing up all of Em's stuff to leave the doctor came in and told us that she was in rejection and we would need to stay for IV steroids for the next 5 days. UGH! So, we stayed, and the numbers came down slightly, but not all the way. So, they kept tweaking her meds (she is now on 4 X's the amount of immunosuppression that she was and HIGH doses of steroids), and FINALLY the numbers are back down. The hard part for me, and yes this is superficial, is the way that it all makes her look. She is now 15 POUNDS heavier than she was in July!! She was 34 lbs. and she is now 49!!! She is also SUPER hairy! I know that it is only temporary, but none of her clothes fit, and she gets red in the face SO easily! Also, her immune system is now very compromised so I fear that she will catch more...especially being in a BIG school.

But, for now we will be happy to have good numbers and hope that we can lower meds soon and have her numbers remain stable!

Now, for Emma progress....Emma is READING!!! WOO WOO!! It is beginning stages, but I don't care....I'm going to call it READING! She knows all of her letters and sounds, and she is starting to get A LOT of sight words:). I LOVE IT!

Sometimes I feel like I might be able to start breathing again for the 1st time in 7 years:)

What We've Been Up to.....

2010-09-26T13:21:00.001-07:00

I know that it has been quite a while. It's been very busy around our house. Emma and I both moved to a new school....a BRAND NEW school. It has been an incredible experience for both of us. We have put Emma in Kindergarten for one more year. Yes, we are outside of the box thinkers....however, the more that we thought about it....the more we realized that is exactly where she needs to be. She is able to be in the classroom with "typical" developing children 90% of the day....and truly that is the way that she learns the best. If we would have put her in 1st grade she would have been pulled out most of the day. As Emma says, "It is AWESOME Mom!". It's been a great year so far! YEAH!!!

Here is Emma on her 1st day of school. Emma is still dealing with some liver rejection...ugh! (6 years post transplant and this is our 1st rejection). So, she is on HIGH dose steroids and HIGH dose immunosupresion (sp?) which is causing her stomach to be VERY large and she is getting more hairy by the day....oy!

We also took a trip to our family cabin. The kids LOVED playing outside, throwing rocks in the river, and just being kids. It is always SO beautiful there, and I always wish that we could go more often. However, it is 4 hours away, so we don't get there as often as we would like. Here's Owen (2 1/2 now....and loving life)....

Our other new adventure for Emma (and myself) is dance! Emma started dance 2 weeks ago at our neighbors dance studio. I am co-teaching the class (phew! it's been awhile since I've danced). We are both REALLY enjoying ourselves. It is 30 minutes of tap and 30 minutes of ballet. Emma has found her niche in life. She LOVES to dance, and I cannot wait until the recital!!! I have to admit that I have always wanted my little girl to be in dance, but when Emma came I wasn't sure that would ever happen. On the way to our 1st day of dance I had tears in my eyes as I thought of how far she has come.....how far WE have come. Life is SOOOO good right now!!!

I'll post again soon! Take Care all!!!

Summertime:)

2010-07-08T18:54:00.003-07:00

Emma and Owen are jumping for joy this summer:). Life has been full of swimming, swimming, some camping, and more swimming. My kids are like fish! They love the water! It is so nice to see them playing together so well, and the things that they come up with together just make me laugh.

We head to Denver tomorrow for Emma's annual appointments. This has not been her best year heathwise, but it has not been her worst either. I'm apprehensive about what will happen at these appointments. I feel as if a dark cloud is looming, and the thunderstorm is about to hit. I've learned through my years with Emma to trust my gut instincts, and I am pretty worried right now. Hopefully, it will all be OK, and my worrying will have been for nothing. Emma will have numerous appointments on Monday and Tuesday, and she will have a liver biopsy on Wednesday (which will require an overnight stay). Keep your fingers crossed for us that all goes well.

Long Time.....

2010-05-19T20:46:00.001-07:00

Where do I even begin? It has been SO long since I have blogged. However, there is a reason....I decided that I would not blog until I was in a better place. It's been pretty dark the last several months, and I just needed to have something positive to say before I could come back here....I needed this for me.

So, I am VERY glad to say that today's post is FULL of good news. Let's start with Emma....who will be a Kindergartener again (yes, it will be for the 3rd time....and it is completely because of her parent's out of the box thinking:). We are thrilled that our district has agreed to do this for many reasons. First, Emma is TINY! She looks like a 3 or 4 year old....so, she will fit right in with the incoming Kdg. Second, that is exactly where her skills are....she recognizes letters, is learning how to write her name, etc. Third, She will go with this class all through school, and she will be 20 when they all graduate, therefore her peers will not graduate before her and leave her there for another year or two. And last but not least....she will be able to be with typical children most of the day. We are very excited for her.

Then, there is the wonderful news....Emma will be going to a new school!!! Yeah!!! After many many many many issues with her sped teacher this year (that we are not going to talk about because this is the good news post after all), we asked to have her moved at the beginning of next year. The staff that will be working with her has come out to observe, and they have been SOOOO positive! It has been great, and I am hopeful once again that Emma will be in a very good place. She will go from a school of 27 (kdg. through 5th) to a school of 260! YIKES!! But, I feel that it is a GREAT move!!

OK...now for my great news! I will also be moving to the school that Emma is going to:)! YIPPEEEE!! Now, I will not be Emma's teacher, and I will not even be teaching in the same grade as her (I will teach 1st grade). However, if I stayed at the old school I would've been 30 miles away from both of my kids....and that just didn't make any sense. Plus, I would have to continue to work with the Sped teacher....and that's just not a good idea, so I am going to transfer....and I am VERY excited...and nervous....but mostly excited:).

In Owen news....he's doing great! He celebrated his 2nd birthday and he is DEFINITELY 2, but as his speech progresses...his tantrums lessen, so the sun is shining a little more in our neck of the woods.

Oh, and other good news! Tim (my hubby) graduated with his master's 2 weeks ago...so, he can now become a principal. I don't think that we'll move next year, but we'll see what the next year brings.

So, that is our update. Life is GREAT! We are a happy little household, which is very welcome indeed after the year that we've had. It's all good!!:)

Here are a couple of pics of my cuties:)...they're from Easter, but I haven't posted in a LONG time!

6 Years of Sunshine!

2010-03-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

6 years ago today at 9:35 in the morning we received a call that changed our world. It was a cold, dreary, snowy day much like today. However, the phone call told us that the blanket that had been shadowing our world for the past 7 months was about to be lifted, and we could see the sun beginning to peak out of the clouds. The call was one that filled me with fear, but the fear was quickly replaced with a sense of peace. I KNEW that everything was going to be OK, and as we started on our journey toward this new chapter in our lives I knew that things were going to get better....that was the only option.

The morning of March 19, 2004 was similar to the previous morning. When I went to get Emma out of her crib she smiled at me. Her eyes were just as yellow as they had been the day before....verging on orange. It amazed me at that point that when Emma cried her tears were yellow. I prayed that morning just like I had done every morning, "Dear God please let this be the day". However, we were in denial that it could happen so soon. Emma had only been on the transplant list for 2 days short of 2 months. Therefore, we had not packed a bag....we were not ready to go. Nonetheless we knew that any call that came could be "the call".

As I changed Em's diaper that morning I noticed blood in her stool. I cried when I saw it, and I knew that our time with her was wasting away. She was sleeping 18 hours + a day, and she was in desperate need of a new liver. As I dropped her off with the sitter that morning....I knew. As I drove away with tears streaking down my cheeks...I knew. I knew that it was going to be "THE DAY". I don't know how I knew, but I did.

1 1/2 hours later I got the call, and I cried and begged God to "not let my baby die". Then the sense of peace took over, and the cloud moved away.

Sunshine has shone on us every day since. I see the sunshine every time that I look at the smile on Emma's face. I hear the sunshine every time I hear her say, "I Love You Mommy".

AND, I FEEL THE SUNSHINE EACH AND EVERY TIME THIS AMAZING MIRACLE GIVES ME A HUG!!

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

Now, if you know me well you know that I am not an overly religious person. However, today I do have to say Thank you God for giving me the sunshine....she helps me to see the path of our journey ahead.

Under My Rock....

2010-03-01T18:25:00.000-08:00

Hiding under my rock away from the world....if only I could do that. If only I could take my beautiful family and hide away from all of the world I would be as happy as could be. However, that is not reality. Reality is people being unfair and cruel, harsh and untrustworthy...yet, they get away with it! My child is the victim of a teacher that should.not.be.teaching!!! She truly has no sensitivity factor. She does not understand that the harsh tone and words that she uses are not acceptable. We've been rounds. Other staff members have spoken on my child's behalf....to the administration....yet, nothing is being done. Now, they have decided to video Emma to develop a behavior plan for her....how about coming up with a behavior plan for THE TEACHER!!!

I am stuck....I don't know what to do....this situation is overtaking my life.....and I feel like I have absolutely NO control. Moving Emma to another school is out of the question, and this teacher is the only special ed teacher in our school. This completely SUCKS! I was told today that "A parent's viewpoint is often skewed....not that that is all of it, but I think it is some of this". UGH! 7 other staff members have also reported this behavior....really....my behavior is SKEWED???

Any thoughts?? I need input??? PLEASE!

Emma

2010-02-10T18:59:00.000-08:00

Emma is so much fun! Granted, I have always LOVED being her Mom. I feel so blessed to have been chosen to have her as my daughter. I have found though....the older she gets the funnier she becomes. Maybe it is the fact that I can understand a little better what is going on in her head. But, as I watch her I am in awe at the things that she is picking up from her world. I needed to document some of these things so that I can look back and see where she was during this moment in time.

*Emma LOVES to get herself completely dressed. She is beginning to want to pick out her own clothes (YIKES!). I am very very much a control FREAK about Emma's clothes matching and her hairtie matching, and I am SO not ready for this new milestone in her life. I have been picking out 2 outfits and letting her chose between the 2, and so far she is OK with that??? Hopefully, it will last:). I am however THRILLED that she is wanting to branch out and independently dress herself.

*Emma LOVES to read....and she will tell you that she is a "professional reader" (and yes she does use those words, and no I do not know where she has heard them). I love that she thinks she is a great reader. As a teacher I know that that is 1/2 the battle to getting a child to read....confidence.....she's got that....now we just have to continue to work on letter recognition, sounds, sight word recognition....and the list goes on and on....but, we are ON THE ROAD to reading....and that is HUGE!

*Emma knows words that are not appropriate to use (insert stupid, dumb, other words...not that I say them:), and she will promptly tell you upon hearing one, "Don't say that word....say OH MAN". She truly thinks that Oh man can be inserted for any inappropriate word combination:).

*BIG NEWS!!!!! EMMA IS AN INDEPENDENT SKIER!!! This is HUGE for Emma and it is AWESOME for our family. Our school went skiing again last Friday, and Emma is able to ski completely on her own!!! Tim and I have always loved to ski, but since the birth of Emma we have been very few times. So, the plan is to ski with Em this year and teach Owen next year....then, we will be a skiing family:). YEAH! I'm so excited to be able to do something that we have always loved as a family:). (pictures will be posted SOON)

*Emma is exactly 36 inches tall and she weighs 35 lbs. She is currently wearing a size 8 shoe:). She's our little peanut with an ENORMOUS spirit!

That's all for Emma news for now:). So much more to tell, but I have a little man (Owen) who is not a happy camper and he needs his Mama:).

Full Circle

2010-02-01T19:58:00.001-08:00

When Emma was born 6 1/2 years ago I will admit that everything was a blur. I often describe it as an out of body experience. People will ask, "How did you get through it?". The truth is I don't know how I got through it? Some days I'm still not sure how I get through it....I just do.

However, thinking back to 6 years ago at this time has always been painful. It was an extremely difficult time, and it angers me that I have very few memories of Emma's first year of life. The memories that I do have are blurred by medical terms, medical equipment, and stressful situations. The truth is that Emma's life truly began on March 19, 2004...the day that she received a new liver.

This past week that precious day (the day we "got the call" that there was a liver waiting to save our baby girl's life) came full circle.

First of all, let me explain the day that we got "the call".....I had just arrived at our small ski resort with our school. I teach at a rural school (30 kids grades Kdg.-5th), and we ski every Friday during the winter. We had just arrived when someone came to find me to say that I had a phone call. At that moment I KNEW!! I went and took the call, and I cried and cried and cried ALL the way to my car. Luckily my sister was there to take me back to town.

Ironically, Emma's liver came from a beautiful 17 year old girl who had the misfortune of a ski accident in Colorado. She was not wearing a helmet and suffered a fatal head injury.

Fast forward to 6 years later. Our ski resort has not been operational since March 19, 2004...the exact day that we "got the call" was the LAST day that it was open. Fortunately, someone new purchased it, and it re-opened this year. Last Friday, our little school returned to the ski resort......with Emma PARTICIPATING!!!

A TRUE MIRACLE in every sense of the word!! Luckily, her Dad was able to join us. The 3 of us spent the entire day together. All of the kids had fun, but Emma was just glowing (and so were her parents). I don't think anyone truly understood the impact that it had on us that day.

It had come full circle! It was a day of understanding....a day of joy.....a day of memories.... a wonderful day where new memories were created. We felt so blessed to be able to have her there with us! Truly miraculous!

(OH! And I made SURE that every child in our school had a helmet to wear on the slopes!! Isn't it ironic the lessons that life teaches us?)

Can you see how happy she was?

What SHE Deserves

2010-01-23T10:05:00.001-08:00

What does my stunning, red-headed, ornery, smart, strong-willed, funny special needs child deserve from EVERY educator that EVER is blessed enough to be a part of her educational journey?

She DESERVES to be treated with dignity
She DESERVES to be given respect
She DESERVES to have that educator be a role model to the other students on how she should be treated
She DESERVES to be pushed to succeed to the highest level of her ability
She DESERVES to feel safe

Does Emma deserve to have it announced in front of her entire class....and 5 minutes later in front of the entire school...that she was "naughty" today and maybe tomorrow she will choose not to be a "bad" girl?

Does she deserve to step off of the bus and come running to me with tears rolling down her face while she is saying, "I lost my sticker, but I'm not a bad girl...I'm a good girl"....and continue to cry about it until 10:00 at night? Only to have the same teacher the next day say, "Well, she doesn't look too traumatized from it!

Do Emma's parents deserve to open her communication notebook (the teacher writes what she did at school that day) to read the words, "Emma was VERY NASTY to me today".

Is it just me or does the "educator" need to be "educated" on how to be a professional.

I have gone through so many different emotions on this whole thing. This is just one of MANY incidents from this year that have happened. But, I am done.....I am turning it over to my husband for him to deal with.

This "teacher" used to be one of my best friends, and I think that makes this situation that much more difficult. She came to Denver (10 hour drive) for both of Em's major surgeries, she has watched Emma for us at times that no one else would......she used to really CARE about Emma.....but now it is quite apparent from her words and actions that she does not like her at all!! It makes me sad....it makes me mad....I do not understand....

And it makes me feel that throughout Emma's educational journey this is what we are constantly going to come up against....teachers who do not see Emma as someone who deserves dignity and respect....teachers who do not treat her as they would any other child....teachers who know that she cannot go home and fully communicate her thoughts about what happened at school that day so that her parents can decipher through it to know if she is being treated well.

I was out of the building the day that the above happened.....I heard it through the grapevine after I made some calls when Em was crying. I feel bad that others are talking about this teacher, but then again I don't!!!

I have taught in that school for 10 years, and I can honestly say that I cannot think of one incident where I said or did something that I would not want a child to go home and tell his/her parents about. So, if the teacher didn't want it to get back to me....she shouldn't have done it....and she shouldn't have written it in the notebook.

A meeting has been scheduled. A meeting between us, the teacher, and the principal. I have had 2 other conversations with this teacher this year about this same issue....apparently it is not going to change with just me. The principal has also already spoken to her (after 6 out of 8 of our staff went to talk to him about the way she was treating Emma). It's an issue that is bigger than I can make it sound on here. I don't know what will be done about it???

Yes, we could move Em to another school, but should we really have to do that when the school that she is in is best for her in every other way?? Should we really have to do that when the teacher is the problem???

Too many questions...too many issues....have I mentioned that I am tired???

I'm Tired

2010-01-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

Can I just take a little break from seeing a silver lining on everything that I write about on here. I just need an outlet for a little while and maybe...just maybe it will make me feel a little bit better.

Can I just say that I am TIRED.

I am tired of CONTINUALLY having to advocate for anything and everything that my child needs.

I am tired or worrying about the future....or if there will be a future for Emma.

I am tired of her hitting and kicking and pushing and me not being able to understand WHY?????

I am tired of other children omitting her from games because she isn't always "nice" (see the previous).

I am tired of not being able to explain her behaviors.

I am tired a person who works with her who DOES.NOT.LIKE.HER....and it becomes more and more obvious every day.

I am tired of educators that I can already see placing a "ceiling" on her learning capabilities.

I am tired of not having Emma be invited over to friend's houses for play dates.

I am tired of daily medications.

I am tired of Emma not being able to name her colors....no matter how much I work with her on them.

I am tired of being on an anti-depressant to deal with my depression...and still feeling depressed.

OK...there is A LOT more that I am tired of....but right now I am just tired and I need to go to bed so I can start a new day that will HOPEFULLY not be as tiring!!

Still thankful....just VERY tired!

Everyday

2010-01-19T18:53:00.001-08:00

As you enter into our house, you will see a large sign that states "Everyday is a Gift". Different people may have various interpretations of that sign. 6 years ago I clung by every thread of life that was in me to make each and every breath that my child took...into a gift for I was unsure how long the gift that I had been given would be on this Earth with me. 6 years ago today we waited...and waited....and waited some more. What were we waiting for? We were waiting for our INSURANCE. Our insurance was slower than the tortoise in the Tortoise and the Hare in deciding if all systems were go for our precious child to be listed for a transplant. Every time the phone rang we would get our hopes up, and every breath she took we watched....and we waited. The moments that she was awake (at that time it was about 3-4 hours a day) we cherished. We begged for her to be given a second chance at life....her first chance seemed far too short to us. She was only 5 months old...we could not fathom losing her 5 short months after we first saw her face.

Then, the other thought that was wearing on my mind.....another family would have to lose their child for mine to live. What kind of a sick person was I to wish that upon anyone, but I just wanted my baby to get better. I wanted to plan her future whatever it may be. I wanted to see her go to school her first day and lose her first tooth. There were so many plans I had for her and I to do together. I came to the conclusion that whomever she received the liver from would unfortunately lose his/her life anyway (whether my child needed a new liver or not). That was the only way that I could get past my thoughts. I just prayed that the family of that child would make the decision to donate.

Yes, everyday is a true gift. I often lose sight of the package that I get to open every single day. When that beautiful child comes bouncing into my room each morning to wake me up....it begins a new day that is to unfold. The gift is in whatever happens that day. 6 years ago I was clinging to every day and praying that my baby would open her eyes the next day. Today, I am blessed to watch her growing and becoming a child that I am so very proud of (and fiercely protective of).

Tomorrow marks 6 years since Emma was placed on the transplant list (after a 45 day wait from the time she was evaluated and deemed to be a "proper" candidate for a transplant. Insurance took 45 days!). Tomorrow I will cherish every breath that Emma takes, and I will breath a lot easier than I did 6 years ago. I will be enjoying the gift!!

Here's Miss Em 6 years ago....do you see her glowing eyes? She was such a pistol....even when she felt lousy....she would never keep her oxygen in her nose!!

3 in 1 WOW!

2010-01-13T12:36:00.001-08:00

My baby is growing up. One week ago we were SO excited that she had lost her 1st tooth. The tooth fairy came and gave her $2.00....although she told everyone that she got $5.00. She must have had a premonition because 5 days later she lost 2 MORE TEETH!! She was playing with a chip clip (the kind that holds the bag of chips shut). I don't know exactly what happened but she started crying and I went in the living room to find blood all over her face and 2 teeth laying on her lap?? The teeth WERE loose, but they weren't ready to come out yet. So, my baby girl lost 3 teeth in 1 WEEK!!! For the 2 teeth the tooth fairy came and she DID bring $5.00. So, Emma's a rich little girl who is now trying to pull all of her teeth out to bulk up that piggy bank:).

Her new teeth have already started to come in, and they scare me just to see them! They are so crooked!!! Her little mouth just has no room for big teeth (it didn't even have room for her little teeth). So, my hope is that they will at least be WHITE!! Here's a little trivia for you (maybe you already know but I sure didn't in my before Emma days)....if a baby is severely jaundice (to the point of transplant....not just "new born jaundice" which is actually a different kind of billirubin) while his/her teeth are forming, the jaundice gets in the teeth. With a new liver the jaundice leaves the skin, but the teeth are permanently stained. PHEW! Aren't you glad that you know that bit of useless trivia now? So, Em's teeth are a yellowish-greenish-gray...and always have been. I just want to see white in her permanent teeth (because those were not forming at the time of her jaundice).

HA! I just had to laugh when many commented that you had never seen me before:). Maybe I'll post more pics of myself soon....after I lose about 20 pounds!! I think it would be MUCH easier to just never get fat in the 1st place and maintain your weight than to gain weight and try to lose it!! I do not like to work out....and I love food!! Bad combination!!! I've never had a problem with weight....until I went through 2 pregnancies (where I kept on 10 lbs. each time). I know that it's not a ton of weight, but I.CAN.NOT.LOSE.IT!!!! Hmmmm.....maybe I'll go get a cookie now:). I wouldn't trade my 20 lbs. back and not have my children though!! They are SOOOO worth it:).

Owen's girlfriend:)

2010-01-11T19:26:00.003-08:00

I know that it seems like I have fallen off of the face of the Earth. Quite honestly, at times lately that has sounded like a good plan (no....I'm not suicidal or anything....just some things that are going on that are difficult....in regard to Emma). Sometimes it's just easier for me to hide in my little hole than it is to share. So, I disappeared for awhile, BUT I am back now. I'm going to take a little break from my day-to-day Make-a-Wish trip postings, but I am going to share a few MAW pictures.

Owen FELL.IN.LOVE with Ariel. I may have mentioned this before, but he was quite smitten! However, he was totally playing hard to get. If you go to YouTube and type in Owen with Ariel you will see my little man in action. It is quite hilarious:).

Here are a couple of pictures of Owen and Ariel:

And here is a picture of our family in front of some of the 5 million lights from the Osbourne family spectacular! They lit up the streets in Disney Hollywood. It was fantastic!

Make-A-Wish Day 3

2009-12-17T18:16:00.001-08:00

OY! This time of the year is absolutely CRAZY!!! I love it, but I never seem to find the time to do all that I need to do. I'm doing the big school count down...only 3 1/2 days of school left (yes, we do go until the 23rd, crazy, right?).

Anyway, I apologize for the extended intermission between photos. So, here is the slideshow from day 3. We had another incredible day. We started off seeing Minnie and Mickey Mouse. They came to GKTW which was SO nice because there was NO crowd. Emma did pretty well with them (as long as dad was right there with her). Owen however did NOT like Minnie Mouse! He kept hitting her in the face:(. I was in awe because....are you ready for this?......they were shorter than me!!! Even with their big heads on they were STILL shorter than me (I'm only 5'3"...on a good day). So, I think they were a little less intimidating to the kids. Then, we went and saw Goofy, Pluto, and Mary Poppins (also all at GKTW). Goofy and Pluto were OK to Em AS LONG AS her daddy was with her:). Mary Poppins was VERY stern:).

After we got done with the characters we went to the Magic Kingdom again. We rode on Dumbo, It's a Small World, the teacups (Owen was GREEN the entire time we were riding it....and so was I), then we went to see Ariel in her grotto. She was AMAZING with my kids. She spent about 10 minutes with them. She kept asking Em if she had used a "dingle hopper" in her hair (because she still had the wild pop-star princess hairdo).

You can go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCkErs1iHnE to see Owen with Ariel....HILARIOUS!! He was definitely playing hard to get with her.

After Ariel, the kids played in her splash pad and had a blast! We spent a good part of the day at Magic Kingdom. Then, we went back to GKTW and the kids played in their incredible splash pad and pool! It was BEAUTIFUL! By the splash pad there was a place where you could take the kids pictures. It looked like they were riding a wave. Emma had fun pretending to surf:).

It was another fantastic day! More to come soon!

Make-A-Wish Day 2 part 2

2009-12-09T14:50:00.001-08:00

Sorry about the pause in postings...you'd think it was the month of December and I teach Kindergarten and 1st grade while raising 2 small children or something:). Anyway...on to the rest of our trip!

As we emerged from the Bippity Boppity Boutique, we found Daddy with a sacked out Owen...he had had it!....to the point that Emma sat right on top of him....and he didn't even stir:). Anyway, we headed back to GKTW to rest (after Emma had her movie star debut). The kids took a nap at GKTW, then we headed back to the Magic Kingdom for the most magical night ever! We saw the Spectromagic parade (it was very difficult to take pictures of) and then we headed down the street to an amazing firework display that was combined with wonderful music. When it finished Emma announce, "That was AWESOME...I want to see ONE more". It was perfect! She absolutely LOVED it!

It was midnight by the time we got home, but seeing all of the lights (parade, fireworks, AND the way the castle changed colors) was DEFINITELY worth it!!!

More to come soon:).

Make-A-Wish Day 2 part 1

2009-12-04T10:25:00.001-08:00

We awoke on our 2nd day of the trip to a BEAUTIFUL 80 degree day! I absolutely LOVED the humidity:). The kids took a bubble bath in the enormous bath tub. They loved the bubbles. After that we all headed to the Gingerbread House restaurant inside GKTW. It was GREAT and Emma loved the Christmas tree so much that she had to hug it every time that we left:). You will see a picture of the awesome shaped foliage (the heart shaped bushes). Next, we went to the big Mushroom carousel, and Em loved riding the magical reindeer. Owen and I got to ride the rooster (it was the only 2 seater). Then we went in the castle of miracles. This is a magical place where the wish child gets to put a star in the ceiling that has their name on it (we didn't put Em's star up that day....I will post about that later). However, in the casle of miracles there is also a Pillow factory where both of the kids got to make a pillow for sweet dreams. They push all kinds of buttons, and it plays music and bubbles come out, then a pillow pops out of the bottom. Emma got a pink pillow with ballerinas on it, and Owen got a red pillow with dinosaurs. In the castle of miracles the wonderful volunteers also put on a puppet show for us, and Emma and Owen got to pretend they were the King and Queen for the day:).

Next, we were off to the Magic Kingdom (yes, this was a VERY big day!!....so much that I am going to have to make it 2 posts). Emma had her Princess Make-Over at the Bippity Boppity Boutique. Of all of the hairdos that she could pick, she chose.....are you ready.....the POP STAR PRINCESS that made it look like she had fireworks coming out of the top of her head. Who am I to stop a pop star princess, right?? Her make-over was in the Cinderella Castle, and it created a wonderful memory for all of us!!! On the way there we ran into a parade....where you will see Sebastian the Crab (love him). All of the parades at Disney are AMAZING!! UNBELIEVABLE!!

You will also see a picture of Em riding in a yellow sports car convertible:). Of course it is just a toy....but, they had it right outside of the main building at GKTW!! We laughed about that every day. It was too funny!

I will post more later today, but enjoy these pictures for now:).

Make-A-Wish Day 1

2009-12-03T14:50:00.001-08:00

The best word that I can think of for our trip is WOW!!! It was absolutely magical, and I want to remember and share every detail of it. Emma was just a "normal" "typical" kid for a week. No hospitals, doctors visits, therapies. She was a princess in everyone's eyes that saw her. She just glowed the entire trip. She made memories that will be with her for a long time. WE made memories that will be with us FOREVER! I cannot say enough good things about the Make-A-Wish organization. The entire trip was flawless. Every single detail was thoroughly thought out and planned. WOW!

I hope to share on here in the next few days the highlights of every day of our trip. Day 1 was really a travel day. We left our house at 4 am and arrived in Florida at 4 pm (our time). It was a VERY long day, but our kids were troopers. I was very proud of how they traveled there and back. Give Kids the World (the place where we stayed throughout the visit....AMAZING place!) had a greeter (Ms. Dee) meet us at the airport. She helped us find our bags and took us to our rental car....then, we were off!!! Emma really thought we should have a yellow convertable race car, but she settled for our blue mini van:). OY! That girl's got some expensive taste:).

When we arrived at our villa (2 large bedrooms, 2 bathrooms...one with an enormous jacuzzi tub, a kitchen and living room...AMAZING) there were all kinds of snacks in the fridge for us.....and there were gifts for both of the kids! Emma got a plush Mickey and Owen got Shamu. There were also some other gifts there. The weather was fantastic!! 80 degrees...I LOVED it! Tim and I went to an orientation about GKTW that night....then we ran to Wal-Mart. It was the first of many REALLY late nights:).

Enjoy!

Difficult Situation

2009-11-10T19:36:00.000-08:00

The perfect placement for my Em has turned into a difficult time in my life. We worked hard to get Emma placed at the school where I teach. I teach in a rural school. We only have 27 kids grade Kdg. through 5th, and it truly is a wonderful place. The kids at our school are like family to each other. Sure they bicker from time to time....but they also look out for each other, and that was the main reason that I wanted Emma to come to our school....that, and one of my good friends is the special ed teacher and I have always thought her to be one of the best. However, there are so many issues right now that just do not feel right....and it puts me in such an awkward situation. Why are there NO BREAKS when you are the parent of a child with special needs? Why do I always feel like I am walking straight up a mountain and conquering every single obstacle along the way. I am proud of where I have come from, and I am amazed that I have conquered the obstacles that I have....but, I need a break...I need some time to breath and I need some moments where I do not need to worry. I KNOW that those moments have been there and they will be there again....but, right now I feel like I am drowning. I feel so helpless, and I HATE to not feel like I am in control.

12 LONG days to go

2009-11-09T19:39:00.000-08:00

"Only" 12 days until we take flight on the adventure of a lifetime. Yes, we have been planning this crusade for more than 6 months....so 12 days should seem like a walk in the park, right??? WWWRRROOONNNNGGGG!! The closer it gets...the closer Emma thinks it should be:). So, we made a paper chain to show her how many days we have until we leave to see Minnie Mouse...you know...so she can visualize it to SEE how many days there are until we leave. Well, tonight she came up with the brilliant idea (really it was quite savvy) that we can just, "Cut off all of those papers and we can leave tomorrow". Yep, what do you do with that one?

I am really enjoying watching videos about different characters on YouTube with Emma. Emma has always been petrified of anything that has a mask....and Santa Claus??? She is extremely excited about seeing Minnie Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, etc. But, I wonder when she sees them if she will freak? So, I am doing everything I can (hence the dressing them up as Mickey and Minnie for Halloween) to get her used to seeing the characters including size, costumes, etc. I really hope that it eases her anxiety because there will be many masked characters as we travel through the different parks.

OK, maybe I'm having a hard time about thinking about 12 more days too! For some reason I had it in my mind that we were leaving THIS Saturday. Do you think if I just cut those extra chains off of the paper chain that those days will melt away?? I don't think I'll try it though because I truly think that I NEED the visual also:).

Does it make me a bad mom?

2009-11-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight....I got "the look"...you know the one...the look where other parents look at you like, "I would NEVER do that". I wanted to just yell, "Never say never!!!" and stick my tongue out at them:). That would be the mature way to handle it, right?

OK, here's the scenario...and I want your honest opinions on this. So, Tim had to work late tonight, and we got home later than usual. I was bound and determined to work out, so I did. Then I remembered that we had to pick up Emmas $850 (UGH!) medicine before 6:00. So, I got both kids in the car and I decided that I really wanted Subway for dinner. So, I drove to Subway and I parked right outside the window. I could clearly see my children (who were safely buckled in...and have not figured out how to get out), and I ran into Subway to order my sandwich. There was only one person in front of me. As it became my turn I looked out the window to see a car park next to mine. A couple gets out of the car, and they get their child (single child with 2 parents) out of the car. Then, they both look into my car to see my children and the mom shakes her head. They came into Subway and gave me "the look". Then, I noticed that the lady was pregnant. As I walked past the couple on my way out I just smiled at both of them and thought.....You just wait!

What do you think??? Bad mom??? It's OK tell me the truth...I have thick skin (wink wink).

Happy Halloween!!

2009-11-01T18:50:00.001-08:00

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
Mickey Mouse (and Minnie)
= SO MUCH FUN!!!!!

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Marvelous...or Mortified???

2009-10-30T19:36:00.001-07:00

Look at this sweet face....then, listen to this story....

When you are a parent, and you are told that your child will never speak you brace yourself. You mourn the future that you saw for your child, and you begin to reconstruct a new plan, a new path to travel to help your child in every way. You work, you cheer at each milestone, you shed many tears, and finally a tiny light is in the distance. The words begin to come, and you feel victorious. You have been your child's best cheerleader and biggest fan. Now, you see the voice coming to life and you are so incredibly proud.

Then, it happens.....the words that you have only spoken once (in a very heated argument with your husband because you VERY rarely curse) pop out of that sweet child's mouth.

The other day Emma was going out to recess and someone came by and popped the ball out of her hand, and she yelled at them...are you ready for this....."THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!" (Oh yes, she did....and remember that I'm the teacher too). So, I talked about how that is not appropriate. That night her dad talked to her about how we don't ever say those words because they are not nice words.

So, the next day we got home from school and Emma climbed up into her dad's lap. She looked up into his eyes and said, "I was a good girl at school today Daddy". He said, "That's very good Emma". She said, "I didn't even say any bad words". He said, "That is very good Emma. I'm proud of you". Then, she gives him the sweetest smile, and in her cute little voice said, "I didn't even say Bullshit Daddy". OY!!! What do you do with that?

So, the battle from within....I said that I would always be happy no matter what she said. or how much she said....as long as she would talk. I would never EVER take anything for granted. So, yes I am the mom who thinks my child is marvelous...even if she DOES say Bullshit, yet I am also the Mom (and teacher) who is mortified that my child said BULLSHIT!!

18 months

2009-10-28T18:49:00.001-07:00

Dear Owen
Wow! I can't believe that it has been 18 months since your grand entrance into this world! What a blessing your arrival was, and you continue to bless our lives every day. You are becoming such an independent little toddler. It is so much fun to see you exploring your world. Here are some of the things that you are doing:

*You love to listen to music and dance...your current favorite is Backwards by Rascal Flats...as Miss Donna (daycare) says, "You've got the rhythm...you just haven't quite found it yet".

*You love to take things apart, but become really frustrated when they won't go back together.

*You really love sleeping with your mom and dad. You've only come to our bed 2 nights, but last night (the 3rd night) I decided you needed to stay in your own bed all night...and you cried for 6 HOURS!!! Who needs sleep, right? Tonight (so far) you have gone to sleep like a champ.

*Usually your bed time is 7:30 and you sleep until 6....much better sleep schedule for your mama:).

*You love waiting for your daddy to come home so you can help him with things around the house. You are quite the fix it man.

*You are saying so many words. You add a new one every day, and I am amazed at your enunciation. Your current favorites are Dora (the dog at daycare), doggy, mommy, daddy, Memmy (Emma), Uh-oh, look, see, there go (there you go), hi, bye-bye, dee doo (thank you), night night.

*You love to run away from me when you have something that you are not supposed to have (and laugh and laugh while doing it)....like the remote control from the TV.

*You often throw various things into the garbage (my cell phone, the remote, numerous toys, etc.).

*Dirt is your best friend...mixed with water is even better.

*We cannot forget the number one thing that you love to do....torment your sister....and she loves to do it right back. I enjoy watching the two of you interact and grow together.

Yes, life is wonderful! We are enjoying you to pieces little man. You and your sister have completed our little family, and we couldn't be more happy.

Love to you on your 18 month birthday,
Mama

The Changes of Fall

2009-10-26T10:33:00.001-07:00

Fall is upon us and that means many changes. As I look out my window I see brown with a touch of green around the edges. This is usually one of my favorite times of the year, with all of the beautiful colors of fall. However, this year we had a major cold spell (10 degrees F. for 8 days) that made our fall colors non-existent. We are now back to fall-like weather...without the colors of fall. It is a little unsettling in reality.

We've also had some unforeseen changes in Emma's health. It seems just when we think that we've got her little immune system figured out we're hit with another whammy. Sometimes it just seems like I'm waiting for what is to come next. I had finally moved beyond that feeling when I received the phone call from our transplant coordinator saying that her numbers are off again, and we would need to start monthly infusions (4-5 hours each time) for 4-6 months. I have to say that it came as a bit of a blow, but I have regained my ability to see things optimistically and this is just another bump in the road. I know things are going to work out just fine. Emma is a fighter, and I wish that I had half of her strength...I really do:). So, here we sit today with Em hooked up to an IV and watching the Little Mermaid. Fingernail painting, beaded necklace making, and smelly stickering to come:). Let the fun times begin:)

Our excitement is mounting with the approaching Make-A-Wish trip that Emma (and all of us) have been looking forward to since May. We will leave on November 21st for Disney World and return on November 28th. We are all very excited! Emma and Owen will be Mickey and Minnie Mouse for Halloween:). Pictures will be coming.

When we first were contacted by Make-A-Wish we were very hesitant about having Emma accept a wish. However, after much thought and consideration we decided that Emma absolutely deserves this. She is going to have the time of her life. And, while she is not terminal right now....and hopefully will have many many many more years of happiness.....her health is more fragile than the average child. She endures countless blood draws, medications, and hospitalizations....more than most of us as adults have undergone. Therefore, we do feel that she deserves some time to just be a kid....in the greatest place on Earth. I am looking forward to seeing the sights through her eyes and watching the magic ignite.

Here are a few pictures of Em and Ow playing in our crunchy brown leaves:) (the pictures are having trouble). We are enjoying the fall weather....even though we do not have the fall colors. We hope that you are also enjoying your fall.

2009-10-26T10:32:00.003-07:00

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Best Summer Weekend EVER!!

2009-09-22T19:56:00.003-07:00

Just to give you a little glimpse into our fabulous weekend....here are a few pictures. We went to a campground about 100 miles from home. Our campsite had a creek running RIGHT behind it....and the kids LOVED it! It was about 90 degrees and perfect weather for splashing about in FREEZING cold water (why is it that kids tolerate it so much better than us? They watched Daddy fish, we saw a spectacular waterfall, made smores, and just enjoyed our little family. Life is good!!

I had the greatest A-HA moment while we were camping. Em jumped off of a log and shouted, "Yeah Baby!". It just sparked my memory that last year at this exact time...her PT was THRILLED that he got her to say that....because it was a 2 word utterance. Up until that time she was only saying single words. It is amazing because now I can carry on full conversations with the girl...and I LOVE every minute of it. Yes, she does ask the same questions over and over and over at times.....I don't mind one bit! I just cherish every word.

The beauty from the weather and our surroundings just added to the beauty of the days. Life is good...and we are loving it!

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She's a Trooper

2009-09-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

Once again Emma showed me the fighter that she is. No crying as she sat and watched them put the IV in, and when she woke up all she wanted was Pizza hut breadsticks. That' my girl! We're going camping now and she is so excited. We won't have results until Monday. I'll post then. Have a great weekend. We will be enjoying our girl (and our boy too of course).

6 years ago today....and again....

2009-09-18T06:04:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of remembrance, and one that I would like to forget. However, I know that words that I heard 6 years ago today have helped to shape me into who I am today. I know that today I am a much stronger person than I ever knew I could be, and my daughter is the strongest person I know. 6 years ago today we first heard the words Biliary Atresia and Kasai. Emma went in for her first procedure (a liver biopsy) 6 years ago today. She was 6 1/2 weeks old....and weighed 6 1/2 pounds. Yes, the first time that I handed my baby girl over to someone that I didn't know to find out what was wrong with her....why she was yellow...was one of the most difficult times of my life. I also remember that day because it was the first time that my baby girl smiled. Tim and I were both in her room with her.....getting ready to say good-bye to her....and she looked up at us and smiled. It gave us hope. We knew that everything was going to be OK.

Fast forward to today....as we sit here waiting....trying to explain to her why she can't eat until after we get her "pictures" taken. Today, we will once again hand her over to strangers to find out if there is anything wrong with her....why she continually is getting sick (2 months now), and why her blood work is "off". If I said I wasn't nervous I would be lying. If I said that I thought today would be easy...I would be lying. I'm always nervous when she is put under, and today we are going to be in our home town hospital. While it will be close to home....they do not specialize in children, and that has me just a little bit nervous too.

But, Em will pull me through. She'll look at me with that beautiful smile that I saw for the first time 6 years ago today and she will make it through with flying colors. She's my miracle and my hero.

If you have some extra thoughts or prayers for my girl today they would be GREATLY appreciated. She'll be sedated for a head and neck CT in 2 hours. I'll let you know how it goes:).

1st Day of School...A Success!

2009-09-10T20:25:00.001-07:00

Wow! Where do I start? It has been so long since I last blogged....and life is absolutely INSANE!!! However, it's all good...it's just life:), and most of it I am loving:).

We started school on August 28th. Em started her 2nd year of kindergarten in my class....right alongside her best buddy Brindi. Life is good in Emma's eyes. That's all that really matters, right? She has had a few (OK quite a few) physical interactions with her classmates, and we are really trying to curtail those (diet and drugs...good combo right). She LOVES school, but it breaks my heart when her classmates don't want anything to do with her because she is so physical right now. OUCH! It stings a mama's heart. So, we are working on it.

Emma is also in the midst of some medical issues. At her last yearly transplant exam it was found that her EBV (Ebstein-Barr Virus) titers were elevated. So, they wanted to watch them for a month. Well, they were still elevated a month later so they put her on an anti-viral medication (at $700 a month...YIKES!). Well, she has been on antibiotics on top of the antiviral for 2 months now. The DAY after she gets off of antibiotics she spikes 104-105 degree fever! UGH! So, next Friday the 18th she will be getting a CAT scan of her head and neck (to check her lymph nodes) they are basically looking for a post-transplant lymphoma that can be present in post tx patients. I am living in denial!!! I am thinking that they are just being overly cautious....over-reactive!!! But, this is the GI doc that has followed Em since transplant, and I KNOW that he doesn't overreact. I know that this is possibly serious. But, I don't want to put the cart before the horse, so I am choosing to remain calm. YEAH for me!!! This is a BIG step!!!

On a VERY positive note! Our speech therapist told me the other day that the therapy team considers Emma a "success story" because she has come so far in the last year! She thinks by the end of this year Emma will be completely articulate. WOW! That is AMAZING from a child that had approximately 20 words at the beginning of last year! It is SO awesome to actually have conversations with her now and to hear her opinions on things! It is truly incredible....something that I thought might never come!

I'll try not to stay away so long the next time! Life is really just crazy right now. The thing that we are most looking forward to is Emma's Make-A-Wish trip that will take place in November. We are going to DisneyWorld during the week of Thanksgiving. Emma is counting down the days until we see Mickey Mouse and the princesses. It is going to be SO much fun!!

Here is a picture of Miss Em on the first day of school:

Happy 6th Birthday!

2009-08-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Emma,
Happy 6th Birthday my big precious girl! I cannot believe that it has been 6 years since you joined us in this world. At times it has been so scary....wondering if we would still have you with us the next day. However, you conquered all and we are so glad that you are here with us today to make us smile and laugh at the funny things you say.

I hope that today is the best day ever (we're going to see bears and wolves this morning....then driving to Boise for some great cousin time), and that your year is the most magical. You deserve only the best my sweet girl. This year will be filled with fun...including your wish come true:). Disney World in November will be so much fun. I cannot wait to experience it through your eyes.

I love you so much! Here's to many many many more years ahead....I love to watch you as you grow, learn, and love your world more and more.

Love you Princess,
Your Mama

Fun Times???

2009-08-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

Well, just so you'll be encouraged to keep reading I will start with an Emma funny:). Tonight I was cleaning up our paint mess (more on that in a moment), I had my back turned on my 2 children for a moment, when I noticed that Owen had disappeared down the hall. I asked Emma if she could go see what her brother was doing, to which she replied, "No way! That's YOUR job....YOUR the Mommy". Yes, she is full of sass...but sometimes she says the funniest things:). OK, one more....the other day she saw a boat on TV. She said, "Look at the BIG boat Mom". I said, "What do you think they're going to do with that boat Em?". She said, "UMMMM, go fishing...I ASSUME". She cracks me up!

Anyway on to the FUN TIMES in our house. Well, we started painting our house on June 8th. I thought that it would take 2 weeks....HA! For one thing our house seems to be GROWING as I paint, but "little" things keep getting in our way too. Things like 3 out of 4 members of our family being in the E.R. in the last week...Tim went to the ER on a Sunday with chest pain. This was after our vehicle had broken down 3 hours away from home....and we had left him there (in a hotel) and came home with his mom. So, he's 3 hours away from home in the E.R. when he calls me to tell me that they think he is having a heart attack (at 2:30 AM), but to just go back to sleep and he will call me when he knows more (yeah RIGHT!). Anyway, he called back at 5:00 AM and it turned out to be "just" heartburn. PHEW!

Fast forward 5 days to a fabulous girls night out with my sister and my good friend. After yummy sushi we were getting ready to head to the Suzi Bogus concert, we had just shut the doors to my sisters car, were getting ready to pull out of our parking spot when WHAMMMMMM! A man on HEAVY narcotics ran into us....then he pushed us into the car in front of us, THEN, he hit us again....going up on the SIDE of my sister's car (his wheels were ON the window)...finally my sister steered her car far enough over that he bounced down. That sent me to the hospital in the ambulance, where I was fully checked out because I was having back pain and it felt like there was an ice pack on my shoulder. All was well, just some serious muscle soreness...PHEW!!

Go ahead a few more days to my previous post...the one where I asked for a reminder about how "normal healthy" kids get sick too. Well, they do....and I realize that now, actually I knew that then...I was just scared. However, my little guy did have to make a quick trip to the E.R. to get re-hydrated after over 36 hours of continual puking and diarrea. I knew that he needed to go in when it had been over 10 hours without any wet diapers...on top of the puking and diarrea. So, in I went with my overnight bag (OK, that's where the medical paranoid mom might have stepped in). I was quite amazed to actually get to go home that night (even if it was 3:00 AM) WITH my baby. What a concept???? It's never happened to me before:). Phew!! A little Zofran (anti-nausea medicine), lots of rest and some Advil/Tylenol....and he's on the mend! PHEW!! Thanks so much to those that posted on that last one. I really DO appreciate it.

So, back to the house painting. We have made a trip to Denver, had 2 cars break down (one at home...one away from home...both needed new fuel pumps...hmmmm?), and now we are preparing for a trip to Boise to see our new nephew (baby boy named Karcher Kline _______________) in the midst of our anniversary (happy 8 years) and Em's 6th birthday (can you believe it?????). WHO HAS TIME TO PAINT A HOUSE???? We have 6 sides on our house and almost 2 months after starting we have 4 sides painted. Well, the important thing is ALL of the sides you can see from the street are painted. That's all that matters, right? Do I REALLY have to finish???

Never a dull moment around our house:). Hope that you are enjoying the last month of summer! I'm looking forward to our trip to Boise. It will be fun:).

Have to end this post with a fun 4th of July pic of Em and Ow....Enjoy:)

I Need a Reminder

2009-07-29T15:45:00.001-07:00

Please remind me that even "normal" "healthy" children....GET SICK! Please tell me that my extremely lethargic, vomitting, diarrea covered, non-eating or drinking baby boy WILL get better soon. Please remind me that even though he is displaying all of those symptoms with NO fever....it does NOT mean that he has some form of cancer, his organs are not failing, and he has not had some disease since birth that has been undetected until now. PLEASE remind me of these things, because my mind is having a difficult time learning that! In part this is because of all that we have been through with Emma, but it is also because I have thrown myself into story after story about sick children. My heart aches for those families that are dealing with sick children day in and day out, and at times I have become obsessed with different children's stories. I understand what they are going through....I've been there. HOWEVER, I do not want to go through it again. And, while I KNOW That that is not what is happening.....I still need a little reminder that this is "just" a normal childhood illness, right??

Please tell me that my SILLY MONKEY will be back soon...hiding the remote control from us, laughing and running away from me with my cell phone, giving me big kisses as I walk out the door as he says, "Bye Mommy". I NEED to see that little rascal BACK in this house SOON!

Seasons

2009-07-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life I have experienced a changing of the seasons. There have been times when the seasons have rapidly changed, and other times when they seemed to last longer and slowly changed to the next. There have been seasons of joy, seasons of sorrow, seasons of frustration, and seasons of elation. The latest season that I feel myself quickly approaching is that of despair. Although I have tried to turn and run the other way, the winds of change are telling me that I must pass through this season in order to approach the next (which I hope is much more joyful than the current).

I find myself mourning that which I never had. I honestly have always been thankful that Emma was our first born. I never knew anything different, and while she was extremely difficult with her medical and other needs in the first year....it was all that I knew. I knew that it was "different" than others experienced with their first born, but I just went with it. She was my pride and joy, and although there were times of despair I could always turn and head a different direction.

Why is it that now....almost 6 years later that I am feeling such utter despair for the first time naive parenting that I missed? I think there are various reasons for the feelings that I am having. Mainly, I look at Owen and how easy and fun life is with him....and I just wish that I had had that carefree parenting (although I do somewhat have it now....I still have Emma....who is still not "easy"....I will get to that in a moment).

Emma....ah Miss Emma.....is she ever giving me a run for my money right now. I am in a place where I just feel like a complete failure as a mother. I am finding it VERY difficult to take her out in public right now. She is just naughty, and when I tell her not to do something...she just looks at me and laughs and continues to do it. I have tried everything....and I'm at my witts end. If anyone has suggestions I would love to hear them. Also, anytime we are around another child (whether she knows the child or not) I have to play interference. I have to constantly be on guard because she hits, pushes, puts her hands around the other child's neck, pulls hair, etc. Children do not like to play with her, and it makes my heart break! Is there a boot camp anywhere for children with special needs? I honestly feel like a total failure, and it is sending me to a very dark place.

I am looking forward to the "changing of the seasons". I am looking forward to happier times ahead. Today, I have thought a lot about my least favorite saying....one that many said to me soon after Em was born...."God only gives you as much as you can handle". I have talked to Him alot today about how I cannot handle anymore. I can handle the special needs part that comes with Emma.....but, I desperately NEED my SWEET girl back (even with a LITTLE sassiness would be OK...but, this is a little ridiculous).

This too shall pass, right? Please pray for me that it does.....

In other Emma news....all of her yearly apts. went great! She had tubes placed in both ears and her adenoids removed and came through surgery with flying colors! She also got to go to taking medicine only 1 time a day!! Can I hear a WOOOHHOOOO!!! Although she is still on 4 medications....she has NEVER only taken meds once a day! SWEET! We thought all was well....until the phone rang yesterday to tell us that her EBV (Ebstein Barr Virus) levels are very high. They will recheck her on Monday....so, we'll see. As much as I am trying not to read into it too much....this can have serious implications for a post transplant child. Please keep her in your thoughts. At this time she is showing NO signs of illness....so that is VERY positive! I'm just continuing to think good thoughts about that one:).

Thanks for reading about my gripe session! I hope all is well in all of your worlds:).

I'll Love You Forever

2009-06-21T11:36:00.001-07:00

Last night I read Emma and Owen the book I'll Love You Forever before they went to bed. This is a beloved book of many children about a baby boy who's mom rocks him and says over and over how much she loves him and he'll always be her baby. It shows the baby growing to a toddler, then a bigger child, then a teenager and she is still rocking him and saying the phrase to him. Then, it shows her strapping the ladder to the top of her car, heading over to his house (he's now an adult), and climbing through the window to rock him.

It is a sweet story, however I have always found it a little creeping that she is rocking her adult son.....until last night. As I walked in to check on my children I was acutely aware of the moment. The rise and fall of each of their chests as they breathed the sweet breath of innocence. That innocence will not always be there. I watched their beautiful faces as they journeyed through dreamland, and my heart skipped a beat at the thought of them one day being grown. It made me want to take both of them out of their beds and rock them and sing to them and cherish the moment. It made me contemplate the future and what it would look like. Will Emma and Owen like to cuddle when they get older? Do you think they will mind their crazy mama climbing through their bedroom windows to rock them when they are grown?? ( I am kidding...I think).

For today, I am cherishing every moment with them. I delight in the world that they see, and I love to view it through their eyes as they learn new things every day. I pray that the innocence stays with them for as long as it can:).

Here's an attempt at photos this morning....how do you get BOTH children to cooperate?? UGH! Notice they are not looking at the camera (none of those turned out). However, this one is pretty sweet!

Happy Father's Day to all of you wonderful Dad's out there! I am so fortunate that my children have such a fantastic role model and a great dad! I was also lucky to grow up with a caring and compassionate father!

Have a great day:)

"I took my own medicine Mom"

2009-06-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

I got out of the shower this morning to Miss Emma telling me, "I took my own medicine Mom". She kept reminding me that she needed to take it....and I kept getting side tracked (bad mom), so I guess...at 9:00 (an hour later than she usually takes it) she decided that she would just do it herself.

Now, I KNEW that Em couldn't open the pill bottles, so I brought her into the kitchen and I gave her the bottle and told her to show me how she took her own medicine. She said, OK I will....and went to Owen's diaper backpack (where I keep a baggie of extra medicine....3-4 Prograf capsules (immunosuppressant med due to liver transplant) and 3-4 Singulair tablets). The baggie was empty, and she proudly showed me the empty bag and said, "See, I took them all by myself" (with a huge smile).

So, a call to poison control and a couple of calls back and forth to transplant and all is well. We are to skip dosing tonight and tomorrow morning, but Emma is no worse for the wear...if anything it hyped her up a little more today.

That's my girl...always keeping me on my toes

Dieting:(

2009-06-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

Can I I just say that dieting SUCKS!!! I have never been one that has needed to diet...until I had children. After I had Emma I was SO stressed that the weight literally just fell off (and then some). However, since I had Owen...not so much! I really feel that I NEED to lose about 15-20 lbs. and I hate it!! I am not good at dieting, and I don't like to excercise. I've been trying to drink more water and less soda, but it is not helping!! We have family pictures scheduled next month, and I am so afraid that I am going to hate them because I am not happy with the way that I look!!! AHHHHHH!!! Any tips??

Gimme a Break....Gimme a Break:)

2009-06-08T22:13:00.000-07:00

Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar:). OK...so actually today I'm feeling like I need a tiny little break from the special needs parenting world. Just a minor glimpse into that life that I just have a view from the sidelines...the "normal" life of other parents with small children.

Yes, I hit the all time high of parenting moments. Are you ready for it?? Fair warning...this post is NOT for the squeamish! So, we went to the swimming pool tonight. The whole family went. Emma actually did really well. She has always been afraid of the water, and tonight she walked in like she owned the place (we have a graduated pool...that is AWESOME). So, once she got to the point that it was getting a little deep, I handed her a floaty noodle and guided her around the pool. She was having a GREAT time....then, the water got into her mouth (Insert...BIG UH-OH)...for whatever reason, Emma cannot get unexpected water into her mouth or it causes her to vomit. Well, that's when it started. I knew it was coming, so I carried her out of the pool QUICKLY while cupping her mouth, then IT HAPPENED, she turned her head just right and shot the puke RIGHT INTO MY MOUTH (AHHHHH! YUCK!! Gross!) and we ran into the locker room, and into a private shower room...where she continues to vomit PROFUSELY all over me and her. At this point I am thinking that they have closed the pool to make everyone go home. I peaked my head out to see...everyone still swimming (including Tim and Owen). So, I get us cleaned up...and we go back to the pool.

So, we are having a good time now. Apparently, when Em got sick it went all over me as I was getting out...but we managed to miss the water (remember that I am the Supermama Puke Catching master...if you don't know what I'm talking about go to some of my earlier posts...circa 2005-2006-2007ish). Well, we go back to swimming. Tim and I switch kids, and I'm having a good time with Owen (who is a little FISH)...he LOVES the water and is so much fun. He dunks his head....no big deal...no big puking drama, right?? Well, that is until the Mama (who just fed the baby boy about an hour before) throws him up in the air numerous times (I know...what WAS I thinking??)). Yep, you guessed it...OWEN starts puking all over me as we run out of the pool. Same senerio (MINUS The in.my.mouth.part.thank.you.GOD!!!)

They STILL didn't close the pool, BUT we decided it was time to go. I'm sure they were glad to see our family go....glad that we are members:). Not sure that I want to go back REAL soon!

On another SN parenting note....Emma has been saying "What'd you say?" over and over and over and over and over. So, today I took her to the pediatrician and sure enough....she can't hear! Major fluid on the verge of infection. I never thought that I'd be glad to hear that she had fluid on her ears, but I was about to go crazy from the continual "What'd you say?". So, hopefully we can clear the fluid soon. We go to the ENT next month (10 hours away!), so they can tell us that we need to come back to get a tube put in:). I'll be glad when that is done:)

So, yes, I am up at 11:30PM because I needed a little extra ME time tonight. Call me selfish, but I just needed a moment to breath in and breath out and recollect my thoughts before closing my eyes to drift off to sleep.

Good Night!

Dear Emma...

2009-05-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Emma,
As your first year of Kindergarten ends I felt compelled to write a letter to you. I have had the extreme pleasure of sharing your first year of kindergarten as your Mom....and your teacher (a combination that I think few get to experience). I cannot even begin to explain how proud I am of you. You have grown so much in every single way. I have been impressed time and time again by the gains that you have made...and continue to make.

What I have loved the most about this year is watching YOU become the teacher. You have taught the other children at our school things that I could never teach them, and you've taught me things that I didn't realize that I didn't know. I now have insight to a whole other world, and I am so excited to be exploring that world with you.

This year has gone better than I ever thought possible. When I have told others along the way that I was going to be your teacher they looked at me like I was crazy!! However, I knew that it was the best thing for you....and little did I know that it was the best thing for me too.

Thank you for sharing your first year with me. As I signed your report card (as your teacher) and circled the word RETAINED I really thought that my heart would drop. As a teacher we are always told that retention is not a good thing, however as I signed the word RETAINED I smiled and I felt free. Again, I know that it is what is best for you. It will give you the best foundation possible for your educational journey to be built on. We're in this together baby girl! You and me and me and you!! Plus, the biggest bonus for you is your best buddy Brindi will be the only other kindergartner in our class next year (we will also have 6 first graders). Life is good for both of us! I can't wait to see how much you blossom next year.

However, for now.....LET'S ENJOY OUR SUMMER!!!

I Love You!!!
Mama

On Your Marks...Get Set....

2009-05-27T20:29:00.001-07:00

GGGOOOOOO!!!!

That's how playday 2009 began at our little school. Teams were forms, colored bandanas given to identify each team, and there was my little peanut in the midst of it all....just drinking up the enthusiasm flowing through all of the children. When she woke up that morning I said to her, "Are you ready for playday today?". She said, "NO, I want recess", and I said, "Well, it's like recess all day"....to which she replied, "YYYIIIPPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!!".

It all started with the obstacle coarse, then they went on to the shoe toss, marble toe pick up, softball throw, relay races, and the ever famous

TUG OF WAR

Then, we went on to a SEVERE allergic reaction....that was fun (Ha!). After 2 doses of Benedryl, and a Mama/teacher that was very concerned...this is what Emma looked like

She fell fast asleep right in the middle of the playground and someone placed my jacket over her.

However, when she woke up, thankfully the welts (all.over.her.body) had lessened and she was so very proud of her ribbons. A first and a second place...not bad for a little girls 1st day!!

We are SO very proud of you Emma!!!

Oh, and I just had to share our little prairie girl. A few weeks ago we went to our sister school. Remember that our school only has 34 kids grades Kdg.-5th. Well, our sister school is 70 miles away from us and they have.....are you ready for this??......3 kids in their entire school. Well, every year they have a big event called Valley Days where our school goes up there and they have many different "centers" that the kids can go to throughout the day. It is a blast!! One of the "centers" this time was Old time photos. The kids got to dress in old fashioned clothes and get their picture taken in sepia tone. This picture is the one I took of Emma....it's in color, but it is so cute...and check out the background. Can you believe that this is the "backyard" for this school? It is breathtakingly beautiful....and so is she:) (just my biased opinion). It was a very sunny day (and Emma doesn't do well with sun....hence the squinting:).

The Hallway Sprint

2009-05-15T20:21:00.001-07:00

On your marks...get set....GO!!!! However, instead of a starting gun...there is "the cough". The one that is intensely programmed into my brain. The one that sends me running at top speeds down the hall, into Em's room to pick up the bowl that always sits next to her bed, to help her sleepy little head make it into the bowl....just to have her say, "Nope, I'm OK". PHEW! Crisis averted...this time.

Does anyone else know "the cough"? Is it just me? This cough has been following me for the past 5 1/2 years, and it will NEVER become my friend. It used to be GUARANTEED to be a puke fest by the time I got to the end of the hall. I used to just be happy if we made it in the bowl and escaped having to strip the bed and change pajamas. Lately, more times than not it is a false alarm...but I never know when the vomit beast may rear its ugly head, so I ALWAYS make the sprint.

Hey, I guess that is one way to get exercise. Does it count if I come out and eat an enormous chocolate chip cookie??

AHHHH....my love

2009-05-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

The pendulum swings...and reality hits me from the other side. Each year, my husband and I have spoken at our local high schools about organ donation. This year, he is going to do it by himself because I cannot get the time off:(. He has been working on his presentation. At dinner tonight...this was the conversation:

Dad: "Emma, I'm going to be talking about you at school tomorrow"

Emma: "Why?"

Dad: "I'm going to tell them about you getting a new liver. What do you think I should tell them about you?"

Emma: "That I'm happy"

There it is my friends...and the silent lone tear streamed down my face reality hit me...that IS all that matters. Emma is happy, and that is all that life is really about.

Truthfully, that makes me REALLY REALLY REALLY happy too!

An oldie but a goodie:)

Emma at 2 1/2...Happy then...and Happy NOW!

Reality

2009-05-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes reality hits me in the face, and I begin to realize once again that I am a completely different person than I was 6 years ago. 6 years ago I was a pregnant naive girl who just wanted to hold her baby girl, go on long walks with her, and plan her future with her. I just couldn't wait to see her face. The days inched by as my stomach (Oh, and my rear end) grew larger and larger. I had dreams.....I had a glorious future ahead of me that included my daughter's graduation and wedding and the grand children that she would bless me with. The biggest thing that I had to fear was labor....how WAS I going to get this child out? The thought scared me to my very core, BUT after she was out....life was going to be a "piece of cake", right?

Well, fast forward a few months, and we all know the rest of that story. Life has been anything BUT a "piece of cake". Life has been hard and scary, and at times it has just plain sucked! As much as I think that I'm slowly climbing out of the hole that I was thrown in....sometimes I get knocked back down, and the wind is once again completely knocked out of me.

Today is one of those days. I have felt it coming, but I never know what will be the final KICK that will send me flailing back to the ground. You see, I am a thinker...and it always gets me in trouble. I overanalyze EVERYTHING!! I think about life Pre-Emma and think about all of the friends that we had and all of the social gatherings that we were invited to, then I think about now and how alienated I feel. I feel like I have very few close friends right now...and those that I have do not live close to me. That is a lonely feeling. Then, I think about my friend who just lost her dog...not just any dog, but a very special loving companion that has helped her lonely heart over the years...and just like that....she is GONE:(. I worry that I do not know how to help my friend in the way that she has helped me SO many times. Am I not a good enough friend? It hurts my heart to know that she is hurting so much! Then, the one that is weighing heavy on my heart today....this morning I read about a little girl who took her final breath yesterday. She was 11 months old, and had never left the hospital. The family's one wish was to take her home just one day...it didn't happen. As I was reading, they had pictures showing that she was finally able to be held without any wires, and she finally had the wind in her face. And. I. LOST. IT!!! Completely and totally lost it! I should NOT read about those stories. I feel so badly for this family, and I immediately put myself in their shoes. I have this EXTREME fear of losing one of my children. I have planned Emma's funeral so many times in my head. I think of the time when the doctors told us, "her body is weak...we are not sure she will make it through this surgery, but she has to have it done" (the surgery was post transplant 10 days, and she was SOOOO sick). However, she made it....she endured the most difficult pain, and she pulled through. But, my mind can go back to those days in an instant....and I fear what lies ahead.

Why can't I pull through? Why does reality always suck me back down into that hole? Why DO children have to die? Why can't I have a crystal ball to look into my future to see that my babies will always be with me? Why is life so much more difficult today than it was 6 years ago...and why can't I just relax and enjoy today?

Sorry, I know that this post is dark, but it's what's on my heart today. Life was so much easier when I was unaware of all of the heartache in this world. My heart is heavy today for all of those who are hurting.

WOOHOO and some pictures

2009-05-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

First of all...the big celebration....Emma has gone a whole week without hitting or pushing ANYONE at school. That, my friends is amazing! I am just so happy. Emma hits to get the attention of others because often her brain works faster than the words can come to her mouth. She so badly wants to show her excitement or ask someone to play with her...so, she just runs up and hits them. Amazingly, the kids in my class understand this. I sat them all down about a month ago and asked them if anyone thought that Emma was being mean when she his, and not one of them raised their hand. I asked them why they thought she did it, and their answers were so insightful. I was amazed. So, while I was relieved that all of her classmates understood her actions...I am even more relieved that she seems to be expressing herself better so the physical acts are going by the wayside (at least I hope they are). Hmmmm, what can I do to celebrate this momentous occasion? Any ideas?

We had our spring program at our little school last week. I always get so nervous before these programs this year because I wonder how Em will do. Each program she has had a really really rough week the week before, but the night of the program she just shines and does great. However, I still had the anxiety going into the week. She actually had a really good week, but then I found out that her aide would not be at the program....ahhhh!! So, the special ed teacher stepped in, and Em did AWESOME! The teacher really didn't have to do a thing. I was so proud of my big girl!!
Here she is doing her thing:). She knew this dance so well, but she always has to put her own spin on it:). I love it!!!

2 days later we had Owen's birthday party. It was so much fun. I had 3 friends that all had babies within 2 months of me, so they were all there. It is so funny to see kids that age together. They really do not even notice that the others are around. I can't wait to see them together next year:).

Owen loved his cake

Owen was so upset when he had to get off the slide:(. He likes to be right in the middle of all of the action

The cupcakes that I made for his birthday. Watch out Betty Crocker:)

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!

2009-05-03T19:45:00.001-07:00

My baby boy turned one this week!!! Where has the time gone?? This has been the most amazing year. I never knew that I could smile as big as I do when I watch my 2 children interacting. Life has definitely come full circle, and my life is the most wonderful that I ever knew that it could be.

Everyone that reads this blog knows that Emma is amazing, but I do not write about Owen as much. So, here is a little Owen fun for all. Owen loves music and water. He is mischievous and ornery. He LOVES food, and will probably be eating us out of house and home soon. He loves to play chase with his sister, and loves it when his sister reads to him. He is little Mr. independent, and he gets so upset when his sister is playing with her friends on our fort in the backyard...and it is out of distance for him to crawl to (he seriously wants to be RIGHT in the middle of everything). Owen loves his Mama...and when we come home from daycare no one else will do (not even daddy:)...which makes his Mama smile even bigger. His daycare loves him, and he loves everyone there. Owen loves to ride in the car...and he plays "games" with Emma as we drive along.

Overall, the past year has been one of excitement and wonder. Not a day goes by that I do not realize how much more relaxing and carefree this parenting is verses the first year with Emma. If he had been our first child...we may have had 4 or 5 more (HA)....however, we will be stopping at 2:).

Life is good! Life is really really good! My 2 kiddos are both amazing!!
Here's my little baby boy a year ago

And, here he is today! Wow...what a difference a year makes:)....

Easter picture

2009-04-21T19:36:00.001-07:00

Here are Emma and Owen on Easter morning. They were both feeling a little under the weather, and Owen literally kept his outfit on for about 2 minutes after this picture was taken....but, it was a good Easter:). Emma has fun finding eggs. We had to laugh at her as she found the eggs and THREW them in the basket....literally (picture crashing sounds!).

Here's an Emma funny for the day. Our family went to lunch the other day and anytime that her dad would hand her anything she would say, "Thank you Tim". Anytime that I would hand her anything she would say, "Thank you Mrs. F______(insert our last name:))". So, Tim said to her, "Well, aren't you little Miss Manners today". Emma said, "NO, call me Emma please". HA! Too funny!

Also, when we were on a walk yesterday, Emma said, "Today, you should call me Honey". I would say, "OK Honey". Then she would say, "No, today you should call me Sweet Pea". I would say, "OK Sweetpea". Then, she would say, "No, today call me Pumpkin Pie". And on, and on.....I really didn't realize that I had so many different nick names for her:).

Another funny (kind of???)....tonight we were at Kmart. We were in the women's clothes, and Emma gave a BIG sigh and said, "Ugh, I hate this". I said, "Well, we don't say that word, but what is it that you don't like". She gave another BIG sigh and said, "These stupid clothes!". Where does the girl come up with these things? Although she does have quite the attitude, and I don't really like that.....it still makes me smile! Is that so wrong????

Have a great week!

The Words I Needed to Hear

2009-04-16T19:08:00.000-07:00

I've waited 5 1/2 years, and I honestly never thought that I would hear the words, but today was the day. We had Emma's IEP today, and her speech therapist actually said the words, "She is functioning at an AGE APPROPRIATE level in her receptive speech!". I have dreamt about the day that anyone would tell me that she was functioning at an age appropriate level in ANY area...so, for me (and of course for Emma) this is HUGE!!! It is a day of celebration in our house!

Other things that were SO amazing to hear in her IEP....she has gone from 30% intelligible speech to 68%. She has gone from an average of 1.6 words per sentence to 4.9 words per sentence. That is a HUGE gain in 8 months! I know that I am focusing the most on her speech because that is the area that she has made the most growth. However, ALL of her therapists were extremely impressed by the gains that she has made.

I actually achieved 2 new "areas of growth" myself today:
1) I made it through an entire IEP meeting without crying

2) I left the meeting with my head held high and a HUGE smile on my face

I LOVE Emma's therapy team!! They all work together and they have HOPE for Emma. They BELIEVE in her and her abilities. THAT is what she needs the most right now....and I am thrilled that she is getting it!

Today was an amazing day! I have known that she has made great gains this year, but to hear it from "the professionals" really was something that I needed. It made my heart so happy!

Thanks for letting me share:). She truly is a miracle in every aspect of the word! I think back to those early IEP's and today is just a miraculous day! 5 years ago I never would have dreamed that I would be typing this post:). It's a good feeling!

Made "The Corner"

2009-04-14T19:51:00.001-07:00

Finally....today Emma has turned the corner and is feeling better. PHEW! That one really wiped her out. I had to take her back to the ped. yesterday for a different antibiotic, but this one seems to be doing the trick:). We went on a car trip today...just the kiddos and me. We were all in the car for 5 hours and they were "rock stars". They were SO incredibly GOOD! On the way home we were listening to Hannah Montana (oh course...is there anyone else?). Emma was singing the song, "Nobody's perfect". She knows almost all of the words, and she does these crazy dance moves with it...it is HILARIOUS!

It got me thinking.....(yep....here goes), the other day I was on a forum that I frequent. A mom on there is pregnant with her 2nd child. She just got the results back from her bloodwork saying that she has a 1:300 chance of having a baby with Down's syndrome. She is understandably worried, and I completely understand. This mom's 1st child has special needs, and I do completely understand her concern. I've been there....a year ago...when I was pregnant with Owen. However, what I am struggling with is the comments that some people made to her stating that "so and so" had a greater chance of having a baby with Down's...now that child is 6 and "perfect in every way". HMMMMMM....even if a child is born with a syndrome....the child is still the picture of PERFECT! That child is EXACTLY the way that God made them. I cannot look at my child and think she is anything BUT perfect....she's AMAZING!

Staying AWAY from ER

2009-04-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

Emma has an infection in her trachea??? She is coughing like a seal, and she spiked a fever of 103 today. She has literally slept all day long. So, I took her to the pediatrician this afternoon, and she has a virus that is in her trachea. I've never heard of such a thing. So, he put her on oral steroids and an antibiotic. He said that some kids are resistant to the oral steroids and if she acts like she is having trouble breathing to take her to the ER where they would give her breathing treatments and place her in an oxygen tent. Luckily, it seems like the steroids are working. Coughing has become much less frequent. She's still pretty lethargic, but she still has her fever also. So, we're hoping the fever comes down and tomorrow is a better day. I was just saying the other day that last Easter was her 1st ever to not be in-patient. She had always been in the hospital before that. Let's home that we can stay at home through this Easter season also:).

On a different note.....5 inches of snow today????? WHAT?? When is spring going to get here? Apparently Mother Nature has not received my memo!!!

Have a great Friday!!!

Owen is a FISH!

2009-04-09T18:19:00.001-07:00

Owen is growing by leaps and bounds....changing every day. He is obsessed with the water, and always wants to be in the tub. Sometimes I put both kids in at the same time, however it gets pretty crazy with both of them in. So, most of the time I will bath one then the other. Well, this morning as I was giving Emma her bath, Owen was standing on the side of the tub (like he always does) laughing at his sister. I went to grab the shampoo, and he FLIPPED INTO THE TUB!!! He was just giggling and laughing...so proud of himself for being IN the tub WITH his PJs AND his diaper on! It was definitely a photo moment!! He is just TOO funny! Emma thought it was hilarious:).

We've Been "Egged"

2009-04-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

A few moments ago while I was sitting on my couch relaxing:) the doorbell rang.....it was 8:45 don't people know that I have small children????? So, I went to the door and there were colored paper eggs taped all over my front door. I opened the door to see a yummy box of chocolates on my steps with a cute colored bunny on it and a sign that said "You've been "egged"". What a fun idea...wish that I was that creative:). I wish that Emma had been awake...I think that I might put the box of chocolates back on the step and ring the doorbell in the morning (the eggs are still taped to the door) and let her go answer it:). She'll LOVE it:).

OK....time for bed. I hope that you all have a restful night's sleep. Tomorrow is our last day of school before spring break....I am SOOOOOO ready!

OH, and Emma had a full day with no hitting or pushing today! WHOOOHOOOO! I know that that should be a given, BUT that is how she shows her excitement. We have really been working on it, and I am SOOOO proud of her!! We made a special trip to the toy store (where she picked out a bat and ball.....good for appropriate hitting, right). Yeah Emma:)! Way to go little one!

Our World's Collided

2009-04-06T19:06:00.000-07:00

On the day that she was born...our world's collided. It was not an easy transition. It was like being thrown off a cliff, falling, falling, falling, and finally plunging into ice cold water, struggling to find the surface.....I could see it, but I couldn't get there...I couldn't breath, until finally I emerged through the surface and took a deep breath....my first breath into this new world that I had collided into.

No one dreams of living in this world. When we are pregnant we do not have dreams about having a child with special needs. We do not wish for a child that has any kind of difficulties. No one says, "Yes, I am hoping that this child that is in my womb will need to live with me for the rest of her life." This world is truly a world that no one wishes to become a part of. I believe that is why the transition into this world must be abrupt....with little or no time to think about it. One day you are in the "typical" world...and the next BOOM you enter this world of special needs parents...wandering around trying to find their way. I glance back at the "typical" world where the people seem so carefree, able to do things on a whim without the methodical planning of how it will affect their special needs child.

The most difficult part for me has been the sense of being alone...as if no one understands me anymore. It's true that I am the same person that I was before Emma was born, but I have been transformed and it is difficult for people in the "typical" world to understand some of my "special needs parenting world" ways. I am more fragile than I was before. I am more sensitive...especially when it comes to Emma. I see things in a completely different way now than I did before I became Emma's mom. I long to find the mom who I can connect with...who can understand my frustrations, my joys, my sorrows, and my fears. When I'm with a group of "typical" mom's and they are talking about when their children were babies...I like to add my own stories, but all of Emma's stories are hospital related....and they make the other mom's feel uncomfortable. Heaven forbid they must be a visitor to my world for a few moments.

I can look back and say that I am thankful to be in this new world. I cannot imagine NOT being Emma's mom. I am a better person for all that I have gone through with her. Life gets easier and easier as Emma gets older. I am able to breath much more freely. At times my head is dunked back into the ice cold water, but it is brief and I am able to see things even more clearly once I come up again.

Yes, it's a completely different world than it was before I had Emma (part of that is simply becoming a first time parent), but I wouldn't change it for a second.

Thank God for Swings!

2009-04-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well....let's just say that my day wasn't quite as "cozy" as I was hoping it would be. The pajama thing lasted until about 10:00...then, it was time to hit the showers and make a run to the Vortex...otherwise known as Wal-Mart. We missed a birthday party yesterday and had to get a present. Well, buying a birthday present sent Emma into a frenzy thinking that she was going to a party....then, suddenly it turned into, "It must be MY birthday". I said to her, "No, Emma it's not your birthday". To which she started to cry and repeat over and over and over and over (ok you get the point) again "Soon....soon....soon....soon!". UGH!

We return home and her amped up excitement just continued to mount....and so did her nautiness!!! Yes, definitely not a day to remain inside for my peaceful dream of a day. So, since the weather had turned into a balmy spring day in beautiful Wyoming (a whopping 34 degrees...break out the bikini!!!), I raced her to the swings...where we stayed for over an hour. Owen was really excited for the first 5 minutes or so...then he was SO over it. He remained a good sport as if he knew that sissy had to wind down or Mama was going to LOSE IT!!!

Tim arrived home and we all went out to dinner (what in the world was I thinking?). Emma was still a bit wound...her voice a bit (OK a LOT) louder than normal., but we made it through.

Both children are in bed now....coughing. Here's hoping that it is not a sign of yet another round of antibiotics in our house.

Dear Spring,

Could you PLEASE show your warm and pleasant face and kick the winter weather off on it kiester as soon as you can? We need you to kill all of those NASTY germs that seem to multiply while the winter air is hanging around. It IS April after all.....snow is in the past....we need some good ol' sunshine to shine down on us:).

Thank you!!!

What a GREAT day!

2009-04-05T07:14:00.001-07:00

Days like today are days that I live for:)....staying in our PJ's all day, making cookies, just hanging out with my kiddos. Daddy is working today, and it's just me and the kiddos home to play:). I love to go go go too....but sometimes I just dream about having a day like today. Now, I wish the weather would cooperate just a little (OK a LOT more). 25 degrees with LOTS of wind and snow is not my idea of a good day outside, but that is just one more reason to stay inside in our PJ's all cuddled up in blankets reading:). Oh! I hear the fireplace calling me saying, "please build a fire inside of me". OK....I must go....enjoy YOUR day!

Do you love days like this? What are you doing on this fine Sunday? Is the weather crap where you are??

The Healing Place

2009-04-04T15:28:00.001-07:00

This is going to be a rambling post....it may not even make any sense, but it is important to me to attempt to write it down.

Having a second child has caused me to really look back at when Emma was a baby. I knew at the time that it was a difficult time in my life. I knew that every single time that Emma threw up I wanted to scream and hide...hide from the reality that was my life. I knew that each time she was hospitalized it scared me to my very core...that fear that I was going to lose my baby was a fear that I experience over and over and over again. But, in those moments I also knew that I was extremely fortunate to still have my child with me. I knew that the future was before us....even though I was petrified to think about what it could be.

At times I try to embrace all of the thoughts and feelings that I had during that time. My mind can remember, my heart can feel the joys and the pains that were all wrapped into one, but I have a very difficult time writing my feelings down...or telling someone about them. Maybe it is because they are in the past, and I feel as if I should move on and bury them....after all our lives have evolved into health and happiness that we never would have dreamed possible at this time 5 years ago. But, when I sit down and really think about that first year with Emma....it will bring me to tears within moments.

Tim and I often say that we are glad that Emma was our first. We feel this way for many reasons, but mostly because we were able to focus 100% of our energy on her care at the time that she needed us most. We feel that if we'd had another child at the time it would have been very difficult to divide our time and strength between the two. We are also glad that she was our first because we knew nothing else. Granted, we knew that throwing up 4-5 times per day was not "normal", but it was all that we knew, so we were able to tell ourselves that it must be "close to normal" right? She would just "grow out of it", right?

Since the birth of Owen, I have been able to look back at the first year of Emma's life and realize how incredible it is that we all survived that 1st year. I am so very proud of Tim and myself for getting through it and continually encouraging Emma to be her very best. Every milestone that Owen achieves (incredible that they actually can meet those milestones WITHOUT the help of 7 different therapists) allows me to think back to the time that Emma met that milestone. Yes, she met all of the milestones much later than he is meeting them, but she MET them, and I am SO proud of her for that.

Don't get me wrong. I am not comparing my children to each other. They are both very unique individuals that are forging their own paths, and I love that about each of them. I am just learning so much about myself by watching Owen grow. I never realized just how difficult life was back then. I never realized how much out of the realm of normal our lives were. When Emma was almost 1 year old she was on 15 medications a day, oxygen 24 hours a day, throwing up 4-5 times a day, and seeing 7 different therapists. That was just the way it was.....and the amount of stress that went along with it I can now see was enormous.

I watch Owen and I see that he is learning to do things himself, he is not taking any medications, and he eats everything in sight. By watching this I realize how healing it has been for me to have a healthy child. I do not take ANYTHING for granted. I value every second of every day. I realize that I am finally in The Healing Place...the place that I have needed to be. I can now sit back and enjoy watching BOTH of my healthy kids playing together. It really is a GREAT place to be:).

Amazing!

2009-04-03T11:49:00.001-07:00

It is simply AMAZING to me the calming effect that overcomes me when I hear the breathing pattern change. You know...when you're standing outside your child's room waiting for the sandman to come. I can hear her looking through the book, talking to herself, then I hear her put the book down, reposition herself, and suddenly...there it is....that moment where she drifts off to sleep. Suddenly the pattern of her breathing is so soothing. Sometimes, the half crazy mama in me creeps in and sits next to her just to soak in the calm in the room. I have even been known to climb into bed with her (which is quite an amusing sight since she is still in a toddler bed) just to listen, to watch, to relax.

Is it just me? Do you love to listen and watch your child sleep? Does it have the calming effect over you?

However, I also LOVE the laughter, silliness, constant questioning, sassiness, etc. that comes when my girl is AWAKE:).

Emma funny:
While driving in the car:
Emma...."Mama....mama.....mama"
Me...."Yes, Honey".
Emma...."You call DADDY honey...you call ME sweetie".

Geez! I DO need to get my nick names straight! I can always count on Em to keep me in line:).

Have a Happy weekend!!!

Goodbye Megan...

2009-04-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, we are BIG American Idol fans in our house. Emma truly thinks that she will be on the show one day, and of course I will support her in anything that she does in her life.

Tonight, while watching the elimination of another American Idol contestant...I was so excited to see that Megan was in the bottom 3. Then, it happened! In the midst of her silly faces, goofy sounds, and birdlike movements, they announced that she was going home. A small cheer erupted from my living room (small.... to not wake up my 2 sleeping beauties). Then, Megan had to go and blow my celebratory dance and joy by pulling the "Mama card". She thanked her fans, the judges, yada-yada-blah-blah...then, she said it...."Baby, I'm coming home" (as she kissed the locket around her neck). Yep, that did it!! The tears streaming down my face at a girl that I really didn't like only minutes before.

While I am still glad that Megan is not going to torture us with her voice anymore...I am glad that she is going home to her Baby. I'm sure that he is ready to see his Mama again.

So, are there any Idol fans out there? I'm voting for Danny Gokey and I think Adam Lambert ("the Egyptian guy" according to my 1st grade girls because of the Burning Ring of Fire song:) is in the lead....by many many miles!!!

My Babies Are Getting Bigger

2009-03-24T18:51:00.001-07:00

Here's a picture of my "babies". I cannot believe that Owen will be 11 months old in 4 more days! Incredible!!! I don't know why blogger has cut off part of my picture??? This picture was taken before we went out to dinner on Emma's transplant birthday. We went to her favorite place ever....PIA HUT (otherwise known as Pizza Hut). It was a great night:).

Miss Sassypants

2009-03-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally heard someone say it....and I knew that I was going to leap across the room in full ninja karate style fashion...but, I didn't. I kept my cool and bit my tongue as someone said the other day, "It makes you wish that she never learned how to talk, huh?". WHAT!?!?!? Granted, Miss Em is definitely SASSY lately, but I always said that I would NEVER wish that she would be quiet if she ever did talk....let alone wish that she'd never learned how to talk!!! GRRRRR!!! Yes, if it was someone who did not know her well it would be one thing, but this person knows her VERY WELL! Although, I know it was meant as a joke, it did sting just a bit.

Here are some of Miss Sassypants favorite sayings,

"OK FINE!!!!"

"WHATEVER!!!"

"I DON'T WANT TO"

When told that it's time for bed she says, "Let's wait 5 more minutes....I'm a big girl now".

When told it's time to get ready for school she says, "Not today....today I am sick".

Although I never show her my smiling face when she is saying these things....inside it does make me smile. She just has such flare when she says them. She knows the exact context to say them in....and she has the proper inflection every time. She just makes me laugh.

5 AMAZING years

2009-03-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of reflection for me. It's a day of mixed emotions. Five years ago today was the day that we had been waiting for....58 days to be exact. Emma had been active on the transplant list for 58 days, and I knew that the call for a new liver must come soon. Our 7 month old daughter was losing her energy, and she was sleeping 20 out of every 24 hours. She did not want to eat...and when she did eat she would vomit EVERYTHING that had entered her stomach. I was so scared of what our future had in store. I just could not see a happy end to the story.

Then....the phone rang! I know that I've told this story before, however in my day of reflection I feel that I must share again. That morning 5 years ago I had dropped Emma off with her babysitter. I told the babysitter that Em had very small amounts of blood in her stool that morning, and if ANYTHING were to change to call me immediately. I knew that she was in good hands, but as I drove away tears filled my eyes as a part of me thought, "Today needs to be the day". I arrived at school, and got all of my students prepared to get back on the bus to go skiing. In the winter our entire school would go skiing every Friday. I loaded my students on the bus, and decided to follow in my car....I just knew that something was not right...and I was going to be going back.

When I arrived at the ski resort, a child walked up to me and told me that they had been looking for me because I had a phone call. I yelled (quite loudly) "OH CRAP!!" (yep, that won me the kdg. teacher of the year award) I ran up the stairs and was told to call my husband. When I called Tim's school I was told that he had already left. I said, "Where did he go?". The secretary....in complete Awe said, "Angie....they called and said that they have a liver for Emma". I immediately hung up the phone, and the tears fell and fell and fell. My sister walked with me to the car as I repeated over and over, "I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE". However, once I got to the car I did not cry again....not until 10 days after transplant when she became EXTREMELY sick.

We went and picked Em up and flew to Denver to start our new life. There are so many moments of that day that are etched in my mind for eternity. One that stands out is the nurse that transported the liver to us. He had tears in his eyes when he saw Emma....we found out later it was his first organ procurement....and he had helped remove the organs and had talked to the donor family too.....what an amazing experience, but it would be SO difficult too.

We have found out that Emma's donor was skiing for her first time on that day. She was with her church youth group. She fell and hit her head. There is not a day that goes by that I do not pray for her family. We would not have Emma here today if they had not made the decision to donate Claire's organs that day.

Today, I reflect. I remember the excitement of the day...yet, I also remember the heartache that I felt for our donor family. I remember the peace that I felt as I handed my 7 month old daughter to a complete stranger...knowing that this was her ONLY chance at a life! I remember the joy when I got to hold her in my arms again, and the elation of knowing that the toughest part of the journey was behind us.

Today, I look at Emma and I reflect on the past, but I know how fortunate I am to also be able to plan our future. Emma's future looks incredible to me, and I feel so fortunate that she will also be a part of MY future!

Today is not the end of the story....but we sure are HAPPY!!!

The Real Deal

2009-03-17T19:35:00.000-07:00

This IS the real deal.....the deal that is called life in our house. We have 2 amazing kids. Both of them are adorable, smart, funny, and can be crazy. They both have feelings, and they are both OUR children. My husband and I have a fierce love for them....just like most parents have.

Here is the deal...I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Some of you may have insight to this "secret" because you also live it day in and day out...but here it goes...are you ready?? We have just as much of a sense of protectiveness and unconditional love for Emma as we do for Owen. Her special needs are really a part of who she is, but she has the same respect from us that her brother does...and that love and respect will continue throughout their lives.

My heart tells me that everyone looks at my children in the same way. They are both unique creations...created perfectly...exactly the way that they were intended to be. My problem is that my head tells me that everyone does not look at my children with the same amount of dignity. I feel that when certain people are around Emma she makes them uncomfortable, and that makes me sad. When those individuals cannot step outside of the box and see the beauty that encompasses her far surpasses any unusual actions that she might display....I feel that injustice has been done. The Mama in me wants to lash out at the person that is glaring at her for her atypical actions, instead I go about my usual routine with a burning inside of me that doesn't know what to do.

If you know of a parent of a child of special needs, and you are looking for ways to help them...here are some ideas that I would like to share with you:
1) Look at my child when you are talking to her

2) Attempt to understand my child's actions (I know that Emma is going through a stage where she hits and pushes...if I had a magic medication to take away that one thing that Emma does....I would pay a lot of money for it. However, there is NOT a "magic cure", I AM disciplining her, but I also know that she is TRYING to tell me something and I'm having a tough time figuring it out.) So, instead of looking down your nose at me and my child...how about if you try to help me understand and TRY not to make me feel like my child is just being "A BRAT" by displaying actions that you do not feel are age appropriate!

3) If my child seems out of hand please do not glare at her or give me the look that says I should take care of her. Until you have had 5 years with her...every day trying desperately to "figure her out" you have no idea what I am going through or what I need to do with her. Just understand that she is having a moment and I am dealing with it. It will get better, but I do not want to be made to feel that my parenting styles are insufficient or that you have all of the answers. Trust me when I say that you don't:).

I know that these "suggestions" may sound whiney, and I am only one of many parents that have a child with special needs. I understand that we don't all feel the same way. But, this is the way that I AM feeling. So, I guess what I am asking is if you are someone who deals with me and Emma....please think about the things you say about her. She IS my child, and I love her just like you love your children....unconditionally!!! I always will!!

I saw a great quote today....never make a negative comment about someone's dog, their child, or their golf swing. I think I will add that to my list of life mottos:).

American Idol...Watch OUT!

2009-03-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

Our family LOVES to watch American Idol (well, Tim won't admit it...but I know that secretly he does). Emma has watched it with AWE since she was 2 and Elliot Yamin was on. She was his BIGGEST fan.

This year it is so much fun to watch her singing every song along with the "idols". She sings exactly one note behind, but it's there....complete with toe tapping. She even has the microphone movements down to a science. She pulls the stool out to give herself a platform. Listen at the end when she says "SIT DOWN"...cracks me up!

Check it out for yourself and dial 1-888-IDOLS01 to vote for Emma:)....some day Baby Girl! Your already a star in our eyes!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Expectations

2009-02-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

As we progress through pregnancy, our thoughts of what our child will look like, what they will sound like, what they will be when they grow up are all thoughts that run through our heads. We can't wait to see this little being that will call us Mommy or Daddy. I was just like everyone else while I was pregnant with Em. I couldn't wait to see her, and begin to be a mom. I couldn't wait to teach her all of the things that I loved to do as a little girl. I couldn't wait to snuggle with her....to hear her say Mama for the first time. These are the expectations of parents in waiting.

Once Emma was born, my world that I had envisioned came crashing down on me. Not only was I not sure I would ever hear her first words, but I was told on more than one occasion that she may not make it....I may not get to see her grow up at all. My dreams and my visions of our lives together and her future became an entangled mix of feelings and emotions. I couldn't grasp the thought that she would not make it, yet I wasn't sure what would happen if she did make it and she would not lead a "good life". That is what we were told. We were told that if she did live, and she had RTS that she would not have "a good quality of life". What a mix to lay on us. We were unsure if she had RTS, if she did they would not transplant her because she would not have "a good quality of life", she was dying as we were thinking of these things, AAAAHHHHHH! Too much information, too many unknowns, too many expectations from me as a Mom. I expected the doctors knew what was best for my child, I expected that the doctors would do everything possible to save my child, I even expected that God would know that if she did have RTS (because He was the only one that REALLY knew) and she would not have a good "quality of life" that he would take her and not have an organ available during her time of need. The raw emotions overtook me. That selfish side that so badly wanted to keep her here on Earth with me no matter what.....but, that part of me that was petrified of a child with extreme medical needs who would never walk or talk.

It was decided before Em was listed for transplant that she did not have RTS....she was just "too bright" (she was only 4 months old). She was listed, an organ became available at the perfect time, she came through with flying colors, and she has forged ahead with life.

Emma does have RTS. A doctor has never confirmed this...and they never will. We will never have it on her medical documentation or her school records that she has RTS....for the simple reason that is stated above....if it were decided that Em had RTS when she was 4 months old, she would not have been transplanted...she would not be sitting next to me right now (typing on HER computer) because her life would have been looked upon as "not a good quality". I really struggle with that. The expectations that I had for the doctors were clear....save my child...PERIOD! They did do their job, but only with the understanding that she was a "typical" child that would go on to lead a "typical" life. I WANT people (doctors, teachers, therapists, etc.) to always have high expectations for Emma. She may not always meet them at the time that we expect her to....but I do expect her to meet them...and I expect others to do the sams.

Em's life is by no means "typical", but it is of AMAZING quality! She is happier and more excited about every new experience than any other child that you could meet.

My expectations of Emma are now the same as they were when I was pregnant with her. It has taken me a long time to come full circle and truly grasp that. Although Emma is a little different, I still expect her to like many of the same things that I did when I was her age. I still expect her to grow up and have a job one day.

With Emma, every sound that she has made has been music to my ears, and now as I listen to her chatting away I am in awe.

I often come to this blog to write about Emma's accomplishments (or my own....on my path with a child with special needs). I do it for my personal records. It helps me to look back and see how far she has come. However, I also do it to give others hope. When we first heard of RTS I went straight to the computer (although advised not to). In my postpartum state, I read through various articles about RTS, and the tears streamed down my face. Most of the information that I found at the time was very bleak.

I am so glad to see more and more parents of children with RTS having blogs and writing about their accomplishments.....because Our children truly do have THE BEST quality of life!!!

A little bit

2009-02-24T20:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight, while giving Em a bath she picked the shampoo that she wanted to use. I went to grab the other one, and she said, "NO, this one" while handing me the Johnson's. She then said, "That one hurts my eyes A LITTLE BIT". I just had to laugh. As I'm writing it, it doesn't sound very funny, but it makes me wonder where she gets some of her little sayings. This morning she came running up to me with her empty cup in hand and said, "Need water...I'm really really really thirsty". It is just SO exciting to see her speech blooming. I LOVE IT! I love that I can tell her to go tell Dad something, and she'll go downstairs and tell him...and he understands. I know that everyone reading this will not understand, but I think that many of you will. I was told that she would never walk or talk....OH YEA??? Take a look at her NOW!! HA! Life is good!

Emma was class reader:)

2009-02-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

Every day in our class a child is selected to be the reader. It is one of the "jobs" assigned in the morning. The students think it is the best job to have. After last recess, the child picks out a book and "reads" it to their classmates. I have a Kindergarten and first grade class, so my 1st graders do a pretty good job reading the book. The kindergartners know that reading the pictures is a part of learning the reading process, so that is what they do.

All of the students in my class had had a chance to read....all of them except Emma. I'm not sure why I hadn't given her that job, but she was AWARE of it! Last Thursday, as a boy was reading his story to his classmates, Em got out of her chair and went up and told about something in the picture, then she sat back down. The boy turned the page, and Em attempted to get back up again....until her aide encouraged her to sit back down. Emma looked at the aide and said (with her hands on her hips), "Everyone reads" (using her hand to gesture over the entire group) "BUT NOT ME" (as she pointed to herself).

At that moment I decided that it was her turn to read. On Friday, Emma got to be the class reader...she did an AMAZING job!!! She read the book "NO, DAVID, NO" by David Shannon. She had heard the book so many times (it is a class favorite) that she was able to "read" it word for word!! If I didn't know better...I would have thought that she really was reading the book:). Oh, and the look on her face was priceless. She was SO proud of herself (I left my camera at home that day, so you'll have to make a mental picture). It just melted my heart...as her teacher AND as her Mom. It's moments like that that just make EVERYTHING so worthwhile!

Parenting 101

2009-02-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

Wow! If the author's of the parenting books could have been at our house during dinner tonight, they would have been highly disappointed! When I found myself saying to Emma, "Emma, I already told you that if I have to tell you again you are going to bed"...I knew that I was doomed. I was talking in circles. So, when I turned to her and said, "If you smash your crackers again what is going to happen"...and she said, "I will go to bed"....I felt triumphant. She understood what I was talking about and what the consequences were, AND even though I was not following through (and I usually only give ONE chance), I knew that she was understanding, and she did not do it again.

Sometimes we have to make exceptions. Sometimes the rules do not apply to all situations. There is a reason that I got rid of every parenting book that I was given when Emma was only 3 months old. She defied the odds by living, and I am routing our own course in parenting. It's working for us:).

Life is Good

2009-02-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

After experiencing a total meltdown...I am definitely feeling better. For some reason, I have to occassionally "go there". The school psychologist is the one that sent me over the edge this time. We live in a small town, and we are acquaitances (sp?)with him (I am also a colleague of his since I work in the same school district). He e-mailed me that day to say that he didn't know if he felt comfortable doing the testing on Emma because he knows us (Tim and myself). I grew up in this town....I know everyone. It just really threw me off and upset me. It just made it uneasy for me. Everyone that works with Emma is my friend...people that I have known for a long time. When I first received this e-mail, I really thought that he was speaking for Emma's whole team, but as I looked into it...I found that it was just him speaking for him....and he's a little odd. It just ticks me off because he is a professional....and he needs to learn to seperate himself as the professional...from himself as a colleague/friend. I DO IT EVERYDAY!!! I HAVE to seperate the teacher in me from the mom in me...and I think that I do a pretty good job...I expect the same from others that work with Em.

Anyway, that is where my struggle came from the other day. I just find it difficult as Em gets older and more people work with her. It's difficult this year because we have a totally different team working with her. It is a learning experience because they are getting to know her...but they're also getting to know a different side of me. When it comes to Em I am protective...I have to be, but I am also still me...I am an understanding individual....an understanding individual who wants only what is best for my child.

Kind of a garbled post, but I just had to say that LIFE IS GOOD!! I want to thank you all so much for the comments. There are very few people who truly understand the emotions of having a child with special needs. It takes a special group of people to be there for you when you need it. THANKS cyber-space friends/family....you are my saving grace!

Here is how good my life is...it is amazingly fantastic actually!

OK...photobucket is having "issues"....I will post the picture SOON!

Sad

2009-02-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

That's the only way that I can explain my feelings tonight. I am at odds with "the system"...and at the moment I HATE having a child with special needs. I love Em with all of my heart, but I want all of the "stuff" to go away. I just want to move my little family to a remote island and live happily ever after...never to be judged by anyone ever again. My heart hurts...my eyes hurt...my soul hurts. Some of my best friends are the people that I work with, but I feel like I am at odds with all of them because I have entered Emma into our school...and I have taken on a different role...one that I did not sign up for...but I am attempting to make the best of. DAMN IT!!! Why can't I just easily navigate through all of this? Why are there times that I feel such bitterness? It is the most difficult position that I have ever been in in my life. Tears flow as my heart aches for some sense of normalness.

What Was I Thinking?

2009-01-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that it was too much work...too much of a struggle. I was thinking that I was pregnant, and I was tired, and she fought me on it every morning. I was thinking that I had never been a fan of rats nests, and that's what it was 90% of the time.

Granted it has been over a year, but I found these pictures the other day and I really found myself asking WHAT WAS I THINKING??

The BEST Halloween costume ever...Pippi Longstocking:)

Then, it happened! I woke up one morning, and I made the decision to go ahead...and this was the result

Granted, the girls hair grows like wildfire, and we just cut another 3 inches off this Christmas (those pictures were from last Christmas), and she still DOES have some curl....but I don't think she will ever have that much curl again....and I miss it.

Seriously, when we didn't wash it the day of and put curl control product in it...she could've been mistaken for a miniature Bob Marley with the dread locks she had goin' on, but I do miss it:).

I never realized how long it really was!

Random thoughts

2009-01-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

I was tagged on my Facebook page to list 25 random thoughts about myself. So, I thought I would post them here too. Here is a glimpse into my crazy mind:).

1) I have lived in Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, and Arizona...I would love to live by the ocean one day.

2) I dated the same person for 6 years...all through college...married him, and 6 months later he decided "that wasn't what he wanted".

3) I'm really glad that I had my "first marriage experience"...it's made me appreciate what I have.

4) My first pregnancy was completely uneventful...my first child was NOT. She has had many issues.

5) I'm really glad that I had my "first child experience"...it's made me appreciate all that I have...and I would not trade her for the world!

6) I absolutely HATE feet! I hate to see them, touch them, smell them, ewww!

7) Desperate Housewives is my favorite show. I also like the show Weeds.

8) My sister is on of my best friends. I work with her every day, and I feel so lucky! We haven't always gotten along. When we were younger, I drove her nuts! One time I shoved permanent wave solution up her nose (from a perm)...I'm really glad that I didn't blind her!

9) I'm not a morning person! I really can't stand my alarm clock...however, once I get up and start moving I become human very quickly.

10) I absolutely adore kindergarteners. The way they think intrigues me, and I try to soak in as much of their innocense as I can. If only we could all think that all people are good...and we could all get along! They just tell it like it is...and I LOVE That!

11) I was on a dance team in college. Those were some of the best years of my life. I made some wonderful friends during those years.

12) I worry continuously about the future...I always have. I think the birth of Emma has made this worry more fierce. Sometimes it really scares me.

13) My mother is not the person that raised me, and that makes me sad, but my sister has somewhat taken over that role of the person that I need to be there. I try to be there for her too.

14) I took my birth certificate to school for show and tell in 1st grade (Why did my parents let me?? Good question). When I was walking home it started to rain, so I used my birth certificate to cover my head. Everytime I see it now I laugh at all of the smears. It is hardly legible in some places.

15) I am addicted to blogs...I follow many many blogs, and most of them are about children that have issues. I am also addicted to my own blog, which very few people that "really know me" know about. I like the anonimity of writing knowing that the people that read it don't know me.

16) Last week I was driving down the road talking to my husband on the phone. I kept telling him that he was breaking up...he sounded like he was under water, then the phone died.....I went to hang up, and realized I was on my HOME PHONE!!!

17) I want to be really skinny, but I don't want to work to get that way. I want it to happen overnight:).

18) I know more about the liver than I EVER wanted to know!

19) I am part of an on-line liver support group:). I never dreamed that would be a part of my life. I get so excited when I hear that a child got "the call" for a transplant. I always tell my sister, and she asks, "Where do they live?". I never know...so I just say Cyberspace.

20) My husband (Tim) and I were partners on many projects through college, but we never liked each other. So, when we met years later at a Karyoke bar and sang "Summer Lovin" we knew it was meant to be!

21) My least favorite saying in the entire world is, "God only gives you as much as you can handle".

22) I am in my 9th year of teaching at a rural school. I teach Kdg. and 1st grade. I feel like my families at school are my own families.

23) The 2 months that we were in Denver for our daughters liver transplant are some of my best memories (some scary ones too). I never realized how wonderful people are, and how much people really do care.

24) When I retire I want to travel with Tim all around the world...on 2 teacher's salaries....a girl can dream, right?

25) Phew! This is almost finished! I wish that everyone in the world could take a turn having a child with special needs.

5 Years Later...Look at You NOW!

2009-01-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

Five years ago, on this day life was throwing us for a loop. Nothing seemed to be going in the right direction, and we were stuck at a big stop sign in life. There would be no going any further until it was confirmed. We could not travel any further down the road until the phone rang and we received the news. We had been waiting since December 10th, and each day that clicked by was one more day that we would stay...stuck at the stop sign....looking for some sense of direction...some sense of hope.

On January 21st, 2004 we were notified that Emma was officially placed on the transplant list, and we were off again. We were traveling down the road. Sure it was a road with an unknown destination, but we were traveling...and we had hope. The silver lining was on the horizon, and we just had to keep moving to get there. It was tough to see our 5 month old daughter struggle so much. She became more and more jaundice every day. She wasn't able to keep food down. She required oxygen at all times. BUT, we had hope!

5 years ago, at this time, we were struggling. We questioned WHY? every single day. Why was this happening to our baby? I remember a time that Tim and I went out to dinner, and we discussed the "what if'...the ultimate..."what if she doesn't make it?". It was a very real possibility that loomed over us like a black storm cloud. It followed us as we continued on our journey....but, the rainbow was in sight. We knew that the storm cloud could easily be replaced by the rainbow, as we waited for the next leg of our journey....THE CALL...the one to tell us that our baby's new liver was ready. We waited...and we waited...

I look at Emma today, and I can't help but have tears of joy. The joy that I feel that she has made it through so much. She is a warrior princess! She is my hero! She is an amazing spirit! The truth is...she does not remember back to the time 5 years ago when her life was hanging by a thread. I'm glad that she doesn't remember it, but I'm also glad that I do. Thinking back to the difficult times pulls me through some days when life seems so difficult. Thinking back to the tough times makes me realize how much of a fighter Em truly is. She has overcome such incredible obstacles, and I look at her today and I smile. She is Emma...and I am proud!

Prayers???

2009-01-18T11:51:00.000-08:00

Miss Em is sick...and I'm hoping that it's the flu. It's amazing where my mind goes sometimes...scary places that no mother should have to think about. It is "just" the flu, right? She was fine yesterday, she went to bed, she woke up at 2:00am throwing up with a 103 temp. She continued to throw up throughout the night...just small amounts each time. This morning when she threw up it was A LOT and it was brownish red....which led me to think of blood. I was ready to call 911 or jump in the car and drive like a bat out of he** to the hospital. My husband calmed me down. We have broken her temp...but she is very lethargic. She threw up again, a smaller amount this time, but still the odd color? ARRRGGHHH!! I hate this! I'm sure that it's nothing, but it freaks me out that it could be something.

Em's big debut

2009-01-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

I DID IT!!! I figured out how to post video:). Now, I have better videos at home, but this is the one that I had on my computer. So, without further ado...here is Miss Em counting to 15...then 100:)!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Weight Loss Challenge 2009

2009-01-14T11:49:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year again...time to set the New Year's Resolution and THINK THIN!!! I got to skip that part last year, as I was enjoying every minute of watching my waist line increasing by the day. However, this year I am paying for it. I have 11 pounds to go to get to pre-pregnancy weight...and at least 21 to get to where I would like to be.

I am excited that I was finally able to buy regular underwear...I've been loving wearing the really cute maternity ones that I bought...but, let's face it...they're not the most flattering things in the universe. I was skeptical of buying any until I was SOMEWHERE close to my size.

I had a friend stop by the other day that had a baby 2 days after me. She lives in another town and we hadn't seen each other since right before our boys were born. Well, she gave me the motivation to think thin....she is skinny, skinny, skinny. She said that she hasn't weighed that weight since Middle school! Yea...I guess it's time for me to hop on the losing weight train!

OK, just had some fish sticks with the kids for lunch....do you think THAT will help me lose weight? UGH! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!

All By Myself

2009-01-13T14:01:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, the silence....I'm enjoying it for the moment. However, after a little while I begin to miss the chaos that comes with being a mom of little kids. I just got done with a meeting, Em's still at school, Owen's still at daycare (nap time), and Tim has just left to go out of town. I am completely enjoying the time to sit on the couch all by myself for a few minutes and just breath.

Yes, I still have the thoughts that run through my mind. Is Em going to behave on the bus today as she makes the long trip to town? She is still struggling with hitting. I wish SO badly that I could figure out why she does it. It is such an impulsive act. I know that it's not meant to be mean or hurtful, but she just does it....I think before she even thinks about it. I struggle with it every day. Even though I know that she's not trying to be mean....it still doesn't make it right...and the other kids do not understand. SO frustrating!

I have the thought that both of my kids are on the verge of sickness. I took them both in for sinus infections yesterday, they are both on antibiotics. Owen has an ear infection and he's cutting 4 teeth all at the same time on top of it. It could be a REALLY long night! I hope not!

Tim is gone until Friday night. Although I do enjoy maybe a night to myself....I miss him so much after the first day. Also, Emma just cannot figure out where Daddy is. She walks around saying, "Where's Daddy...OH, at work" over and over....but never really grasps that he is gone. We are planning to do iChat while he is gone this time so that Em can see him and talk to him. We'll see if that helps or hinders her coping ability.

For now....I'm just enjoying breathing in...and breathing out. It's a very important thing for any parent to do...especially those of us that have an extraordinary child:).

Videos have been requested, and I am definitely working on it. I would love to share my Em with all of you! However, I am currently running into 2 obstacles. #1 when you get a camera in front of Miss Em...she clams up (so, I have to be sneaky) and #2 I'm not sure how to post videos, but that part I will definitely figure out.

My Little Helper

2009-01-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love my sweet angel girl. She is such a fiesty little thing, but she can be the most loving creature on Earth at the same time. Lately, she is very determined to help her brother learn to be a "big kid". She is trying to teach him how to sign (too cute to watch her tell him "more...Owen, say MORE" while she's pushing her hands together...then she pushes his hands together. I never thought I would see the day that she would be teaching someone else sign language. It makes this mama's heart swell with pride.

Emma loves to help with Owen's bath. She likes to put his clothes in the dirty clothes because, "They are stinky". Then she will get his towel. Tonight, she asked, "Where do I put it?". I said, "On the counter". She said, "Oh, right on the counter". Then, the towel kept slipping off. She was a little frustrated and said, "Can't do it! Too hard!!!". She is just cracking me up. Her speech is just blossoming, and it is very spontaneous (before she was more echolalic...repeated everything). We've been back at school for 2 days and I've had so many comment on how much her speech has improved. It is so nice to hear others comment on her progress.

Now....Emma's having a few issues in the diarrea department and that is frustrating. I think her allergies are kicking into high gear...which worries me a little. It also worries me that diarrea causes medication to not absorb at well, and her immunosuppression needs to be absorbed. I continue to tell myself it is out of my hands. I just need to pray for the best. I've started her on a yogurt regimine along with Immodium. We'll see if it works....keep your fingers crossed.

Also, Em's had 2 days at school with no hitting, pushing, or pinching!!! That is a big deal in our house!! Keep up the great work Miss Em! You are our big girl!

Is It THAT Obvious?

2009-01-04T08:22:00.000-08:00

We all went to Wal-Mart yesterday. Tim was spending a little too much time in sporting goods, so I decided to take Em and head over to beauty to get a few beauty products:). The strangest thing happened...a little unnerving? There were 4 young guys (late teens early 20's) that all ran back to the garden center. One of them saw us and came walking back. They were acting really strange. The one came back and said to me, "Excuse me...this may sound strange but is your name Cindy?". I said, "No". He said, "Oh, you just looked like a Cindy". I said, "No, not today", and I went on my way.

I got to the furthest cosmetic aisle and realized that he was following me (with one hand in his pocket)...and there was now no one else around. I grabbed Em's hand a little tighter as he came up and said, "OK, I know this is going to sound really strange, but I am here with my church group and we are looking for people to pray for and you looked like you could use some prayers. I was wondering if there was anything specific that you needed us to pray for. Are you having financial difficulties, marital problems, or anything else?". (I know that I am an extremist, but all I could think of was the girl during the Columbine shooting who said she believed in God and got shot.) I simply said, "No, we're doing just fine". He laughed a little and said, "Really, everything is good?". I said, "Yes" and walked away.

I quickly went and found Tim and told him about it. Of course we didn't see the guy again. However, it really bothered me when I got home. I mean at the time the guy just seemed creepy. However, what if they truly were with a church group....and what made me "look" like someone who needs prayers? Is it THAT obvious that I am a trainwreck? Really, I feel pretty put together. I mean, I have my moments, but overall I feel pretty good about where my life is.

So, I guess folks. I need you to pray for me....because, I may have just turned away the one sign from God that he was trying to tell me that I definitely need prayers?

Is it just me, or does the whole thing sound weird to you?

A Look Back at 2008

2009-01-03T14:39:00.000-08:00

What a year it has been. A year of wonder, of unknowns, of joy, and of elation....overall a much needed wonderful year. The year began with a pregnancy. I was about 22 weeks pregnant at this time last year. I knew that I was having a boy, but was so nervous about his entrance into this world. I was anxious about his health, my health, and most importanly the impact that it would have on his big sister. I was hopeful for a bond between my two children that was beyond love...beyond the common bond between two individuals.

February was a month to remember. It was the month that I was placed on bedrest for an "indefinite" amount of time. I was having contractions every 2 minutes, and while I was not diatating contractions that close together are not healthy for a uterus that has scar tissue from a previous c-section. So, I laid on my couch and I waited, and waited and waited some more. I once again discovered the numerous friends that care, and I was priviledged to receive visits bi-weekly from my good friend and her brand new baby. This friend knew that her baby was what I needed more than anything else.....because a baby was my light at the end of the tunnel. Her baby girl, Cedar would sit on my tummy and Owen would kick her from within. Funny to see the two of them together now at daycare...stealing each others pacifiers while they laugh and "talk" to each other.

March was the month of a transplant memory. 4 years ago we embarked on a journey to a new life for our infant daughter. It has been a life full of hope and memories, and we will forever be grateful for that.

April was the month of our prince's birth. Our healthy baby boy who has created that bond that I so desperately hoped he would have with his sister. According to her...he's HER baby, and I think that he would agree everytime that he giggles right along with her.

The rest of the months have kind of blended together, but it has been a blend of sweet mixed with more sweet. There has been no bitter blended into this year. It was the year that Emma started Kindergarten, and Mama's tears fell down her cheeks as she watched her tiny bud blossom into the most beautiful and delicate flower ever to be found.

It was the year of Owen's first Christmas, and the first Christmas that Emma would share with her sibling. Sweet memories added to an amazing journey.

Our journey continues into 2009. We hope to create more sweet memories this year. It is already proving to be a joyful one. I hope yours is too.

Our self proclamed Hannah Montana (do you like the outfit that she's chosen? She's our little fashionista)

Little man:)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T14:13:00.000-08:00

Happy 2009! Wow! I can't believe that it is 2009 already. 2008 was a great one....and it went out with a bang!

Let's just say that my husband is pretty sure that I have been dying my hair...because I really should have been blonde. I'm not sure if it's still just pregnancy brain or what, but I'm hoping that my memory comes back soon. I'll give you just one brief example of what I'm talking about.....so, we went shopping the other day. We went to the new Kohl's store. Well, my husband decided to stay in the car with the kids, so I went in to shop and I was trying to hurry. I finished shopping and came out of the store to see him driving away!!! Well, we were in a city 2 hours away from our house...and I had forgotten my cell phone at home (won't be doing that again). I was pretty ticked, but thought that maybe he just thought that I'd be longer and he would run a brief errand. So, I went back in and did more shopping:). I would come out every 15 minutes to see if he was back yet, and I would get more and more angry each time. I had been doing this for about an hour when I walked out, stood there with my enormous bag over my shoulder (retail therapy for the anger I was building for my husband, right?), when an elderly lady came out and asked if I had misplaced my car too. I said, "No, my husband dropped me off and he should be back any minute". She then said, "You know....I don't think I parked my car on this side". WWWHHHAAAATTT? You mean there are 2 entrances to Kohl's?? I quickly walked all the way around the store, out the door, and there was my husband waiting in the exact spot that I left him....he had never left it must have been someone else:). He was very nice about it...just shook his head and repeatedly said, "Are you sure you're not really blonde?".

OK....on to our kids. The reason that 2009 came in with a bang.....2:30 am Emma wakes up throwing up.....and exploding out the other end at the same time. She threw up for 2 hours straight! CRAZY!!! Then, she woke up this morning....feeling absolutely FINE...and with a ton of energy...that her mama does not have right now:). However, I am glad that she's feeling better.

Here is a picture recap of Christmas...sorry it's long:).
Christmas Eve cuties

Handsome young man (sweet potatoes on his face and all:)

Christmas jammies

A Christmas jammie model in the making

That's the present that I want:)

Christmas day cuties (neither of them was in the picture taking mood)

Handsome little man

Have a safe new year!

Happy Blogiversary

2008-12-30T19:31:00.000-08:00

Head on over to Finding Normal http://debbie61497.blogspot.com/ and wish her a happy 1 year blogiversary. Her blog is one that I read frequently...she inspires me to live each day to the fullest with both of my children....plus her little Addison's red curly hair holds a special place in my heart:). Happy Blogiversary Debbie:). Here's to many many more:).

Merry Christmas and "the program":)

2008-12-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to all! What an amazing day! We've come so far, and today was just....RELAXING! I sat in awe looking at my two little miracles who were loving every minute of life today (and so was I). Just a miracle...a blessing!
This picture was taken on Sunday...the day that we decorated our tree:)...nothing like waiting until the last minute. Today, we were getting ready to go to my sister's house. Tim had JUST put Owen in the car...and our tree came crashing down in the EXACT spot that Owen was sitting...YIKES!! WOW! Am I ever thankful that he was not still sitting there!

Emma's Christmas program at school was AMAZING! Emma was SO into it, and she actually did every part that she was supposed to do (and a few that she wasn't...but, who cares right? She was cute:)). An elderly gentlemas came up after the program to let us know that Emma was the unsung star in his eyes! He said that he couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was pretty tough....she was just so darned CUTE!!! She was a candy cane:).

I cannot even begin to explain the rush of emotions that went through me while watching Emma on the stage. WOW! She's just come SO far! To think that she is in kindergarten...and living every breath to the fullest! It's incredible really!

And....a few pictures of Owen. Em's going through a stage right now (that I HOPE is brief) of not wanting to look at the camera, so taking cute pics of her is difficult to say the least! So, I've been taking a few more of Owen:).

First time eating ribs....LOVED them!

And, of course, the bath afterward

He does clean up well

And, a little thought to leave you with this beautiful Christmas night.....ALWAYS IMAGINE MIRACLES HAPPENING:)

Burning Eyes

2008-12-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

My eyes are burning...a few too many tears have been shed. However, that is behind me...and I am ready to forge ahead!
This special needs gig is not for the weak
I must give my all
My eyes must not leak:)

Emma will shine in her Christmas program tonight
She will not jump, or turn or hmmmm? sing into the microphone when it is not RIGHT
Her candy cane costume and her hair up in bows
Will be the envy of every mother who sits in the rows

My heart is heavy and pounding
Practice has been off to say to put it best
But onward we go
After the program we will rest

Random Thoughts...and some trivia:)

2008-12-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

This time of the year I find myself being very random. With the pandemonium of activities that occur, trying to finish everything that I need to at school, concluding our Christmas production, getting gifts wrapped/made/bought....it's enough to drive a mama insane. BUT, the saving grace is knowing that EVERYONE else is going through it right along with me.

So, today I am going to have a random post. I'm going to start with a picture that I took of Em this summer that I just LOVE. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house while Em was having some dental surgery done. The Denver RMH is brand new, and right as you walk in the door there is a child's playhouse. I just HAD to have a picture of Miss Em in it...because the word that is on the top is something I do every single day. I imagine life with Emma....it's something that I am so thankful to be able to do:).

The other night Tim and I were doing our favorite pastime....watching TV:). Emma was playing in her play area...when she comes strutting out...no kidding model walk and all, with this tiarra on her head. She kept saying, "See Mama...I pretty". She would turn and flip her hair then walk a little further. Where DOES she get this stuff?? Too cute!

And the last picture is my TRIVIA question of the day!! Who can tell me what is missing from the picture (wink wink:)!

Tomorrow

2008-12-11T18:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish that I could just make my brain fast forward and my heart stop the quickening that I feel at times like these. I am a person that remembers dates. Tomorrow is not a specific date...but a very specific age. Owen will be 7 months and 14 days old tomorrow, and even typing that makes the warm tears begin to flow down my face. I am instantly taken back to the day that Emma was 7 months 14 days old. That was the day that I prayed a new liver would come for my baby whom I was watching slowly die every single day. That was the day that my prayers were answered...the day that the peace took over my entire being as I handed her to the surgeon who wisked her away to save her life.

Why oh why does my heart hurt so much to think that my baby boy will be that exact age tomorrow? I know that things are SO much different this time around...but, I think that may be part of it. I am enjoying having a baby right now...I love every minute of it! And I feel like I missed out on so much of that with Em. Every aspect of that first year with Em is a blur....except for that day. I can tell you the exact time that day that we received "the call". I can tell you what I was wearing, where I was, who was with me, what they were wearing. I remember every single feeling that went through my mind that day. That day was so euphoric! It was the day where our entire community came together to pray for a little 11 lb baby girl that had so much going against her in life...yet there was so much hope...so many prayers...and they worked! Look where she is today...AMAZING!

Emma at 7 months 14 days old...Love you so much Baby Girl!

Owen at 7 months 13 days...Love you so much Baby Boy!

Such different journeys, but the same Mama love that will never fade!

No Doubt About It....

2008-12-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Emma is DEFINITELY my child:) (Like the 72 lbs. that I gained when I was pregnant with her wasn't enough to prove that). My husband made this announcement this morning, "She may be like me in many ways, but she is definitely showing signs of you in her ability to wake up in the morning!". Apparently, he went to wake Emma up this morning and she said, "No, sleep more....wake up Owen!" as she rolled over and covered her head with the blanket:).

True, I'm not a morning person. I'll be the first to admit that! But, Em always has been, so this is TOO funny!

I'm Still Here:)

2008-12-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

I did survive the sleepover, but I am still recovering from being so tired:). Actually, BOTH of the girls were asleep by 9:30 and slept until 7:30...so, I can't complain much. HOWEVER, the girls could give Mr. Owen a little sleeping lesson...he doesn't seem to think that is very important, and this Mama needs her sleep!

Sorry that I've been absent from the blogging scene. Thanks Michelle for checking on me:). I was waiting to upload my sleepover pictures, but haven't had the time yet.

I HAVE however been crocheting...and if you knew me personally you would realize just how funny that statement is. I am known for my "hot gluing ability" as in...if it can't be hot glued...it can't be fixed. But, our family (meaning my Mom, Dad, Grandparents, all of my cousins, my sister and her whole family....everyone) growing up all had the same stocking. Now, Tim, Emma and I all have the same stocking...that is crocheted. However, in the past 5 years my mom's arthritis has gotten so bad that she can no longer crochet. SO, that leaves the big job to me. Well, I got one side of Owen's stocking done and guess what!!! It is MUCH smaller than the rest of ours???? So, I am going to attempt to stretch it. Wish me luck!

We have our Christmas program coming up at school. Emma will make her Christmas program debut as a candy cane. I guarantee that there will be pictures to follow:).

Milestone Alert!!!!

2008-12-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

We have reached a HUGE milestone!! Our first sleepover. Em is having her friend Brindi stay the night as we speak. It's 9:30 and neither girl is asleep yet??? Em's bedtime is usually 7:30. They are both just TOO excited! We made gingerbread houses, watched movies and ate popcorn. Oh, and they played HARD!! I hope they'll be drifing off to dreamland soon. I'll keep you posted!