Monday, October 31, 2005

Welcome to "The Swamp"

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I teach at a rural school. We have 4 teachers and 2 aides...that is our entire staff! So, every year we (OK, I am in "charge" of Halloween) get together and come up with a theme for our staff costumes! This year we are the characters from Shrek 2!! I am Princess Fiona! I love the staff that I work with, and I actually love is SO fun to dress up and act silly. It is the day after Halloween when the kids are dead tired from all of the sugar and activity from the day before that is not so fun! But, today we will enjoy:)

A few fun pictures

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Here are a few pictures of the every changing Miss Em. This was from 2 weekends ago.....this past weekend was spent at the hospital...UGH!! However, she is feeling MUCH better today, and should even enjoy a little trick or treating this evening. I will post pictures of her tomorrow! I just had to post the picture of her hair because it is the most amazing hair that I have ever seen...especially on a 2 year old! I also had to post the ballerina because she loves to dance while she has it on...and it is almost too small!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Going to the Funny Farm???

Just when life seems to be "normal" again in our little household (our new kind of normal anyway), the subconscience takes hold. The little part somewhere in our brain that has to remind us again and again about what DID happen, and how we are NOT invinceable. Life as we knew it before (the carefree, whatever will be will be days) no longer exist. We know that life has many obstacles, and we need to be there to help our little girl climb over the bumps that life throws her way.

I am reminded of this nightly, as I drift away to that wonderous state that we all love. The world of sleep. Oh, what used to be so peaceful is now my mystery land. I wake up questioning WHY I dreamt that? Is it really going to happen? I should go check on Emma! My dreams tell me that something is still going to happen to my sweet little angel, and I know that I can not deal with that! I dream at least once a week that Emma dies or that I lose her in a forrest, shopping mall, etc.

The irony of all of this is that Emma is doing very well post transplant. Her liver is very happy in its new home.

I have been told that it could be post traumatic stress that I am dealing with now. I had to be so strong during her time when she was so sick that I didn't deal with my own feelings. I wonder if it could also be that 2 of my very close friends have lost their children (both Emma's age and had heart transplants) within the last 10 months. I feel like I dealt well with both of those at the time also, and I knew that Emma's situation was so different that I didn't worry about that happening to her. However, the reality is her situation really is not that different at all. We never know what is around the corner! Before I had Emma I would look at people who had sick kids or kids with special needs and I would think, "Oh those poor people!" and at times I heard people say, "I wonder what she did when she was pregnant to make her child like that". At the time that I heard that, in the back of my mind I would think the same thing. I know that does not make me a "good" person. I NEVER dreamt that my child would be born sick! I know now that no one ever thinks that their child will be born with anything "wrong" just happens! So, the question nagging on my mind do I KNOW that something else will not "just happen" to Emma? How do any of us know? I know that we don't. I know that I need to live for today and be so happy that she is here for me to love and hug and watch her grow. I know how lucky I am to have my child still here on this Earth with me....but, my subconscious is still nagging me that I need to hang onto every precious second with her because it could be her last.

Am I headed to the funny farm?? Am I just finally trying to sort it all out? Am I just grasping at too many straws??? Let me know what you think. Thanks for listening to me ramble!

Friday, October 21, 2005

A little Trivia

Five Questions

Quiz taken at the request of Laurie...

5 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Get my masters degree
2) Go to Australia
3) live life well
4) Enjoy my child to the fullest
5) Travel to Europe

5 things I can do:
1) Teach an entire class while tying one child's shoe, helping another blow their nose, and cleaning up vomit ALL at the same time:)
2) Buy shoes for Emma....LOTS of shoes for Emma:)
3) Cry until all of my tear ducts are officially clean
4) Do a backflip (OK, so I haven't tried it since I had Emma)
5) Be a GREAT friend

5 things I can’t do:
1) Rock climb
2) "fix" my child
3) Run a marathon
4) Parallel park
5) Pee standing up (Tim helped me think of that one)

5 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1) Has to have goals
2) Outgoing
3) Love for the outdoors
4) eyes
5) Ability to laugh...and make me laugh

5 things that I say most often:
1) NO ---- mostly to Miss Em
2) Are you serious?
3) I love you
4) Nice
5) whatever

5 celebrity crushes:
1) George Clooney
2) Ashton Kucher (Lucky Demi)
3) Rick Shroeder (OK...back to Silver Spoons days:)
4) Adam Sandler....HE'S FUNNY!
5) Matthew McConaghey (spelling??)

5 people I want to do this:
1) Becky
2) Nancy
3) Susan
4) Terri
5) Leslie

Friday, October 14, 2005

Enjoying Fall

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Emma loves the sound of the leaves crunching when she walks on them!! It is so fun to enjoy the "little things" that kids find amazing!! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all find joy every day in the simple things in life?? I am so glad that I have my child to teach me that and so much more!!

Have a wonderful weekend!